A Friend and Not a Thing More
by Kasey Marie
Summary: "Well, see you around, Remus. Do me a favor," the boy leaned in closer "Try to get into Gryffindor." he winked and ran off through the wall between platform nine and ten. Remus blinked and smiled a little, wondering how in Merlin's Beard was he to end up in the house anyway… School life of Remus and Sirius, they face tough choices and hate during their time at Hogwarts together
1. Coming Home

**A/N: My first Wolfstar. Hope you enjoy!**

Remus Lupin straightened his tie nervously, a young first year with a dark secret, he was possibly the most venerable child attending Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. He remembered his parents being so proud, even with his condition; he was able to go into the best school for young wizards. The lycanthrope sighed. It was going to be torture, trying to hide his condition. He doubted he would make many friends, not as a werewolf. He was certain everyone there would find out his secret and he would be ostracized, shunned from the social order of secondary and high school. He shivered, hoping it wouldn't come to that. Surely, surely there was one boy out there who he could call a friend.

Little Remus sighed and started pushing his cart through the barrier…

…Only to run into a black haired boy with the same intentions. The two boys both fell back, hitting their heads. Remus groaned, the other boy only laughed.

Remus snuck a glance at the other one, his hair was messy and slightly curly, and he wore a muggle band shirt and torn jeans. He also wore a natural smirk, as if his mouth had no intention but to have his left side be permanently curled up. The boy looked... dangerous. Lupin approached with caution, picking up his cart. Muggles started crowding the two, a few muttering about stupid kids these days. Remus snuck a few apologetic smiles to them and held out his held out his hand for the other boy.

"Sorry about that, didn't mean to run into you." The werewolf said. The other boy laughed it off, shaking the hand of the confused Lupin.

"Sorry? That was hilarious! Oh hey, cool scars! I'm Sirius Black, by the way." The boy said, shaking Lupin's hand vigorously.

"…Remus Lupin." The lycanthrope only replied. He'd never met another boy this friendly toward him, he smiled. Surely this was the friend he had in mind. Maybe he wasn't a total loss after all…

"Well, see you around, Remus. Do me a favor," the boy leaned in closer "Try to get into Gryffindor." he winked and ran off through the wall between platform nine and ten. Remus blinked and smiled a little, wondering how in Marlin's Beard was he to end up in the house anyway…

OoOoOoOo

Minerva eyed the students all sternly, the first years felt like shrinking back a bit. Surely, the witch never meant to be intimidating all the time, but one could easily tell that she wasn't one you wanted on your bad side. She had just finished her speech on their sorting. Lupin shifted uncomfortably, looking around for Sirius. He didn't know exactly what for, but if to just have a friend to stand by. He eyed a greasy haired boy with a big nose next to him, who seemed much too involved with a red haired girl. Remus sighed, even he wasn't alone. The professor guided them all into the Great Hall. There at the front was the hat, the hat that would choose their house, and maybe even their fate. It all seemed unfair to Remus. The hat was practically a rag. How smart could the thing be, choosing something so important? What made it so special? A weird hush went through the crowd as everyone stood transfixed at the hat on a stool. That's when it twitched, slowly but surely it moved, a flap looking like a mouth. It started to sing.

I may be old and grimy but please don't put me down

I am the sorting hat, the smartest hat around

There surely isn't a hat as amazing as me

For I can sort anyone I'm as genius as can be

Many thousands of years ago four clever wizards gathered 'round

And made a magic school the best one in town!

They made out four houses that could put young students to the test

The students could be sorted by simply what they do best

And when the wizards figured for when they were long gone

They created me, you see for a job to be well done

I know every house, their pros and their cons

I'll tell you where you'll fit in, go on and put me on!

Perhaps you are a Gryffindor, where they stand tall and proud

Those mighty lions have such a mighty roar, so loud!

Or maybe you're a Slytherin, where they are cunning with strong feet

Ambitious and powerful, the snakes are hard to beat

Maybe you're a Ravenclaw, with clever intellect

Just try to outwit an eagle; you'll get bested in effect

Or maybe you're a Hufflepuff, lovers and good finders

Do not underestimate a badger, unless you're a good hider!

So go on now and put me on, I'll tell you where to go

As for the rest of you, please do enjoy the show!

The hat went limp again as the entire hall burst into applause. Remus was bemused, such a clever idea of the founders. Who could have thought of ever using a hat to help choose students? I was pretty easy to tell now the fairness of the hat. It simply went into your mind. The question: did Remus himself have a say…

Professor McGonagall took out a scroll and started naming students out. She named ALEXANDER, TOBY (Ravenclaw) and ANDERSON, MELISSA (Hufflepuff) before making it to BLACK, SIRIUS. The shaggy haired boy swaggered up to the stool, sitting down on it as the professor placed the hat on his head. It was only about a few seconds before he was sorted into Gryffindor. Others came on, and CROUCH, BARTEMIUS was placed in Slytherin. EVANS, LILY, the redhead that grease-boy was talking to, was placed in Gryffindor. Remus took note to how the greasy boy reacted, cringing at the name and frowning in displeasure. The Lycanthrope was so interested in the boy's reaction; he barely heard his own name called.

With shaky steps, he approached the McGonagall and sat down on the stool. She placed the hat upon his head and instantly, he heard a voice

"Let's see now, Remus Lupin I see. You hold a dark secret, don't you." The voice spoke. Remus paled slightly. This hat did know all. "Well it seems you aren't nearly ambitious enough for Slytherin, but I wouldn't exactly put you in Hufflepuff either… hmmm Ravenclaw would be good for you, boy. A mind like yours is bound to be great."

Remus remembered what Sirius said back at the train station "Do me a favor. Try to get in Gryffindor." And the hat paused.

"Ahh I see now." The hat seemed to speak with a smile. "You are quite alone, boy. You're parents isolated you because of your ailment. You miss the comfort of friendship." Remus blinked and color returned to his cheeks he nodded subtly. The hat laughed inside his head. "There is no greater comfort than the one of friends. Well in that case, better be GRYFFINDOR!" the werewolf sighed in relief as the hat was taken off his head. He heard cheers exploding from the Gryffindor table as he walked toward it. Sirius Black gave him a smile and a high-five, and they were soon joined by a confident boy with messy black hair and glasses, as well as a chubby and stout boy with sandy blonde hair. The one with glasses eyed the three other boys.

"Hmm, I like you three." He pointed to Sirius, "You have a…. how you put it? A bad boy charm. Excellent prankster I presume." The sandy haired boy nodded in agreement while the one with glasses shook Sirius' hand. "The names Potter. James Potter." He turned to Remus and smiled.

"Hey wow! Check out those scars!" Potter adjusted his glasses and leaned in more "You're probably s tough guy, eh? Got into many a fight with your mum's wand as a kid." Remus snorted and shook his head.

"No, just clumsy. But I'll take tough wand-wielding maniac anytime." James laughed and shook the werewolf's hand. Remus meanwhile, heaved a sigh of relief. That should be an okay cover story for now. As Peter Pettigrew made himself know over a mouthful of fudge, Remus looked around at the boys and finally felt home.


	2. Being Mad

**A/N: HEYO! Thank you all for the reviews and follows. I'm so glad people out there like this Oo;**

**This one is a lot of mini chapters actually. Oopsie... I just had too many ideas and not really sure if I like it or not. Oh well, I hope you enjoy it. We got stupid second year fighting! YAY, TINY TYKES FIGHTING. It's um... not exciting. But don't fret, later on we'll have more "fighting" between our boys. teehee!  
**

Remus Lupin was at the end of his second year of Hogwarts. A good lot had happened between him first meeting Sirius Black and him at this moment in time. He and the boy became fast friends with Peter and James. They formed their own little gang of sorts. James seemed dead-set on tormenting the greasy haired Snape boy, stating the Lily Evans deserved better than some slime ball Slytherin. Peter had developed nothing more than a talent of eating and practiced it very often. Sirius found that his cleverness and need to please James led to some of the most genius prank ideas. Remus had to admit, he didn't know where exactly he stood in the group. He was just… Remus, who just happened to be a bookish boy with a giant secret. He had yet to tell his friends about his condition. They questioned often where he went once a month, and the boy was running out of excuses.

This particular day, Remus was walking down to his History of Magic class, all the while trying to decide which classes to take for his third year. Muggle studies was always and easy mark. Arithmacy seemed like a good fresh challenge though. He walked deep in thought as other kids hustled about him, he barely heard the call of Sirius, struggling to keep up with him.

"Earth to Remus, come in Remus J Lupin. Do you copy?" Sirius said while putting his cupped hand to his mouth, making his voice sound funny. Remus looked up and blinked, not understanding what he was doing. "Ya know, like a muggle radio transmitter…" Sirius explained. Remus blinked more and Sirius shook his head in defeat.

The lycan chuckled, who knows how Sirius Black, of all people, knew about such things like radio transmitters and the Beatles and the muggle queen of England. He could probably teach muggle studies himself just fine. "What's up, Sirius?" Remus asked, taking note of Black's untidy curls that made him dog-like in appearance. He also saw how Sirius' tie was just the perfect amount of untidy. It was only slightly untightened, giving it off to be more disheveled than lazy. Remus wondered if Black ever planned it that way.

"What's up? I'll tell you what's up, Remus. This one bird needs to get off my back! I've had enough of the Mildred Bulstrode! Crazy snake-bird follows me day and night! If my owl had a face like hers…" Sirius went off into another story about another girl who was apparently after his eligible behind. For some reason, talking about girls with Black always made Remus uncomfortable. It was almost jealousy.

"I bet if she were any other house, she'd be more attractive to me. But nothing- and I mean nothing- is worse than a Slytherin bird." Sirius finished with a huff. Remus snorted.

"Are you telling me you'd snog a Hufflepuff?" Remus said, walking through the door to history of magic, Sirius behind him.

"Well they aren't Slytherin, eh Remus?" Sirius smirked. Remus rolled his eyes and sat down.

"You are a strange one, Black." The werewolf replied in a hushed tone, class beginning. James and Peter took seats behind him, and Sirius to his left. Sirius leaned in to whisper back.

"Well it isn't like you would want to snog a Slytherin gal either." Black said. James leaned forward to be a part of the conversation.

"The bird would have to be prettier than Evans for that to happen." James added, interrupting. "At least twice as much, then maybe I would consider placing my lips upon a snake." Peter nodded in agreement. Remus frowned.

"I'm not in any mood to snog any kind of bird…" the words came out before his mind told them to stop. The other three boys all looked at him with raised eyebrows. Professor Binns turned on the boys.

"Since you all seem to know enough to not listen," he droned, "around how many- on record- muggle-wizard marriages were officiated in 1643?" James and Sirius looked at the ghost professor. Peter began shuffling through his notes.

"412, the highest number in over four hundred years, at that time." Remus said. Binns grunted assent and went back to his podium. The boys sighed in relief. Remus' comment on snogging girls was forgotten completely.

* * *

Remus trudged up the stairs leading into Professor Dumbledore's office. He had been called out to see him during potions class, much to Slughorn's displeasure. The werewolf walked through the already opened door and smiled at his headmaster, sitting at his desk and staring at him with soft blue eyes and an easy smile.

"Remus, I simply wanted to check in with you. It is nearing the end of term and exams are coming up. Have you chosen out your third year classes?" Remus shook his head.

"Not yet, sir, They all seem interesting and it's a hard choice." Dumbledore nodded.

"Well my boy, I'm technically not allowed to openly favor any study of magic over another… but I highly suggest Runes." Dumbledore's eyes twinkled a little as he smiled. Remus smiled back.

"Thanks sir." Remus ran a hand through his hair, feeling awkward in the presence of Albus Dumbledore. The professor walked over to his pet Phoenix, playing with the bird and chuckling a little.

"Now, my boy, you are probably wondering why I called you up." Dumbledore smirked slightly "Apparently I am a very busy man, or so the minister says." Remus chuckled awkwardly.

"I just merely wanted to ask how you are, Remus. I see you're very close to Sirius, James and Peter. Good to see you've made friends in your two years here." Dumbledore beamed, and Remus returned the smile.

"Oh yes sir, it's very nice to have friends. Wouldn't trade them for the world." Remus started. "I guess it's just nice to feel... needed."

"It seems they do need you a lot for copying homework." Dumbledore said with a chuckle. Remus laughed at that one. It was true, they would all be failures for wizards without them...

Dumbledore stuck a finger up "Though I must admit, you seem to be attached to the bone with Mr. Black." The lycanthrope looks away and smiled a little.

"He was my first friend, technically. I guess we are pretty close Professor." Dumbledore tilted his head knowingly and walked back to his desk.

"Well, I think you have herbology next my boy. Better get to the greenhouse now. Wouldn't want to be late." Dumbledore sat down just as Remus was about to leave "Oh and Remus, do have a safe trip next week, I do know transformations are always very painful." Lupin sulked a little. Oh yes, transformation next week.

"Th-thank you sir." He stuttered before quickly leaving.

* * *

Sirius was bent on annoying the pants off Remus during herbology, and Remus was very much close to throwing a potted plant at the shaggy haired boy.

"I gotta get Mildred off my back. Before I end up just hexing the bird. Hmm, maybe I could get her off my back simply by hexing her. Do you know any good hexes, Remus? Painful ones… wait no. Don't want to get in too much trouble. OH maybe something that will make her break out in zits… only you know, more zits than usual. Or maybe she'll be content with an extra eye or-"

"Sirius, I swear on Godric Gryffindor himself, if you don't stop yammering in five seconds I will give _you _an extra eye." Remus said through gritted teeth, trying to give the proper food to his, um, plant thing. Of course it was Sirius' too. But Sirius was a bit too preoccupied with Mildred Bulstrode to give much of a crap. The lycanthrope overfed the plant, which dropped dead in an instant. He growled.

"Aw you killed it!" Sirius said. Remus slammed the plant down on the table. Soon everyone else was staring at the two boys.

"I killed it? IT DIED BECAUSE IT WAS SICK TO DEATH OF YOUR TALKING!" Remus snapped. Sirius looked affront and stood up.

"You're a total prat when it comes to my problems, Lupin!" Sirius shouted. Professor Sprout glowered at both of them, ready to give them both a talking to.

"Oh I'm the prat? Do you ever think of a single soul besides yourself? You are SO CONCIETED!" Remus stood up as well, shaking "And another thing! I could care less about Mildred-freaking-Bulstrode! And… and…" he motioned to the plant "YOU KILLED IT!" Remus grabbed his pack and started to storm out of the greenroom. James blinked a few times and turned to Sirius.

"What the hell was that!?" he asked. Sirius gave James a look and grabbed his pack as well, running after the lycanthrope. "I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU, YOU LITTLE SON OF A BLAST-ENED SKEWT!"

"I'm CLEARLY done talking to YOU!" Remus said before going outside. Sirius trailed him.

"You are being an idiot over a plant!" Sirius said. Remus turned on him.

"That was grade! Guess who DIDN'T help a bit by talking about some bird?" Remus tilted his head in mock thought "Oh yeah, you!" Sirius pushed Remus to the ground, and the lycan looked up in shock.

"Eat troll bogies!" Sirius said before storming back to the greenhouse. Remus threw a notebook at him in a fit of rage

"Go… die!" he shot back, not really thinking of a better comeback. Sirius simply caught the thing without looking, flipping off the werewolf while striding back to the greenhouse.

* * *

James sat in his throne, or more like his favorite chair in the common room. He scanned the crowd while Peter sat next to him, stuffing his face with Every-flavor beans. James looked at the curious boy with a mixture of apprehension and respect.

"Honestly, no normal human being can just… eat them like that. Don't you taste those gross flavors?" Peter shook his head. James snorted, of course he never actually TASTED the things. "Well, stop eating for two seconds, if at all possible. We have a crisis on our hands. It seems Sirius Black and Remus Lupin has officially ended their ersatz marriage they don't even know about."

"Killed a plant." Peter muttered. "I'd never want Remus as my ersatz wife, if he gets bent up over a dead plant." James raised an eyebrow.

"No, Peter. Sirius is the wife, because of his long flowing locks." James straightened up his glasses "Now I propose we fix their tarnished friendship… or weird no-kissing relationship. Whichever name suits your fancy." Peter chuckled and started at the jelly candies again.

"Group therapy." Peter mumbled through a mouthful of candy. "Marriage Counseling."

"Hush, Peter. I'm developing a plan." James interrupted "Oh yes! I got it! James Potter's marriage Counseling clinic! Peter, I am a genius!" Peter rolled his eyes.

"That's what I sai-" the tubby boy started.

"Hush, Pettigrew!" James interrupted, clapping a hand over Peter's mouth "My brain needs full concentration on the task ahead!" Peter huffed.

"Obviously, Remus grew jealous of the yammering of birds coming out of the mouth of Sirius." Potter stated, cuffing his free had around his chin. "And when Remus snapped… a poor plant met his untimely death. Remus hates dead things, so he blamed Sirius. IT'S ALL SO CLEAR NOW, PETER!" people near the two boys in the common room shushed them both.

"So, we should intervene, how?" Peter mumbled through the hand. James removed it and started pacing, then snapped his fingers

"Incognito. We help without helping. Subliminal messages. Remember Peter, they do not yet recognize the symptoms of idiotic marriages." Peter nodded quickly. "To be upfront about means one of them will deny it and drama will ensue and blah blah blah…" Peter blinked, waiting for more explanation.

"That's all I got…" Potter said, running a hand through his messy hair and grinning. Peter shook his head.

"Anyway, we drop hints, But first, they must make up to at least be friends again." Potter looked around "Honestly, it's hard finding decent men, even in this fine establishment such as the Gryffindor common rooms."


	3. Threatening Werewolves

**A/N: HELLO POTTERHEADS! Hope you had a lovely Christmas, and here is your late present (to those who watch this story, that is) that is in all forms of the word late! Sorry I slacked behind, just was off somewhere being a hipster, buying scarfs and looking down on people in a condesending way. Anyway, I did not have a beta read this. TELL ME ALL OF MY MISTAKES PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. I only write to improve and I only improve to write.. or something. **

**Lily is a bitch in this one. BEWARE! But love her anyway, because she's awesome.  
**

It had been ages since the big blow up between Remus and Sirius and it seemed they still refused to talk to each other, much less make up. James and Peter tried everything, but it was all in vain. They were now all in their third year, and summer was much less fun without the boys being civil. It was finally decided that this needed help from the brightest witch in their class.

"Why hello Lily, looking good today," James said casually, leaning against the wall next to Lily's next class. He lifted his arms above his head and whistled. Lily scoffed, moving to walk into class and ignore James, only to be blocked by the smirking boy. "We require… help from you."

"No James, I am not doing your homework, or helping you for that matter!" Lily said, sticking her nose up in defiance. James rolled his eyes and dragged a hand through his hair.

"No! That's not what I need; I need you to help me with… Remus and Sirius. They're having a bit of a lovers spat." Though he knew a bit was hardly the right word for it. Lily tapped a finger to her cheek, thinking.

"Is Remus still mad over that one time during herbology? That was ages ago." James nodded. Lily sighed, slumping "Okay fine, I'll help you some. But only for Remus, seeing as he's the only sane one of your freaks." Lily stepped on James' toe to make him move, and he did. He winced and hopped out of the way while Lily walked swiftly into the room, not looking back.

"What a woman…" James sighed, holding his throbbing toe.

OoOoOo

Lily wandered through the library, picking out books and thumbing through them. She did a quick scan of the area, looking for one lycan in particular. She had known Remus was a werewolf for a long time, and the witch did not care much about it. The boy was clever and brave enough to take the fall for any of his friends. Lily admired and respected him, even though his friends were idiots. She finally spotted the boy in the back of the room, reading up on, Lily smirked, werewolves. She walked over to him and flopped down in the chair across from him. Remus looked up from his book, smiling ever so slightly.

"Hey Lily," he closed his book and coughed some "Fascinating book." He muttered, placing it on the table next to him and giving Lily his full attention.

"Hey there, Remmy." Lily said, placing down her own books "I never much liked that one, seems a bit biased. Makes werewolves out to be totally evil, but has the author ever actually met one? Geez, I bet not. I bet they aren't just a bunch of crazy wolves ready to rip your throat-" Lily caught sight of Remus' face and stopped short, maybe talking about werewolves with a werewolf who didn't know that you knew he was a werewolf was… well, bad. "Anyhow, how are you, Remmy?"

Remus smiled, rolling his eyes. Lily didn't really hide the fact that she knew of his condition very well. Of course, Remus knew better than to just say 'its okay, Lils. I know I'm a deranged part wolf, no need to sugarcoat it'. Who knows who might hear?

"Well I guess I'm fine. Can't complain too much. Just been studying hard for runes." Lily smiled and nodded, coughing slightly to get the lycanthrope's attention.

"That's good… how, um, how is Sirius?" Lily bit her lip, not really knowing if that was the right idea. Remus' face went dark, and he looked down. The witch puffed up her cheek, instantly regretting being upfront.

"How should I know? I don't talk to that stupid dog." Remus said briskly. "Why if he had an animagus, that's what it'd be. A cowering dog, probably a Corgi or a Chihuahua."

"Oh that's not fair…" Lily said, not exactly knowing why she was defending a prat like Sirius. "I'm sure he was sorted in Gryffindor for… some reason. Not sure why yet, but it'll make itself known, eh?" Remus sighed, picking up his book.

"Yeah, I'm sure." He said. He turned back to his chapter, How to Properly Kill a Werewolf. Lily groaned to herself. She failed. She hated failure.

"Listen… Remmy, James and Peter are worried about you two. I am too, frankly. Everyone knows you and Sirius are—or at least should be—inseparable." Remus snorted. "And, well, he was your first friend here. You can't just throw away someone that special." Remus slammed his book shut and stuffed it in his bag.

"Thank you for your concern." He said. He picked up his bag and stood up "But I doubt that Sirius Black is all that special."

"Oh come on now! You're being stupid." Lily said, standing up as well, with full intent on following the werewolf. Madam Pince shushed them both, glaring. Remus started for the exit, Lily on is tracks. "Sirius Black has always been a good friend, right? A little moronic, but you've both gotten along well enough…"

"Thank you Lily!" Remus said again, brushing past some Hufflepuff first year. Madam Pince shushed the two again while Lily gave a look of apology to both Pince and the young wizard.

"No, you do not walk away from me… ugh!" Lily raised her wand "I'm so sorry, Remmy… _locomotor Mortis!_" Remus fell to the ground, his legs seemingly glued together. Lily walked over to him while Madam Pince shrieked "THERE IS NO MAGIC IN THE LIBRARY, MISS EVANS!" Lily picked up Remus with great effort.

"Lily, release me!" Remus shouted, wiggling pathetically. Lily grunted in reply, shaking her head no. She dragged the boy out of the library by the shirt collar after failing in carrying him out.

"YOU BETTER LEAVE, YOU RUFFIANS!" Madam Pince screamed while other students looked on in confusion, some giggling.

Outside the library, Lily propped Remus up against a wall, holding her wand under his chin and glaring.

"You WILL make up with Sirius, and you WILL play nice with him and the rest of the boys. Or so help me Merlin, I will…" she struggled to come up with a good threat "Will…I will tell everyone about your condition!" Remus gasped.

"You wouldn't! You don't even- You don't know it!" Remus fumbled with his words. Lily smirked.

"Please, I've established the connection between your disappearances and the moon cycles, I'm not an idiot." She said, jabbing Remus' chin with the wand, unsure why she took this so seriously in the first place. Remus gulped and nodded in assent and Lily smiled. "Good, it's settled then!" just as she pulled away, Professor McGonagall came walking by and gasped.

"Miss Evans! What in the world are you doing to mister Lupin?" Lily blushed, quickly reversing the spell on Remus.

"She was practicing spells on me, I volunteered." Remus said quickly. "I'm fine, no harm done." He glared at Lily, who looked down. McGonagall narrowed her eyes.

"Be that as it may, Miss Evans knows that practicing magic should be done with adult supervision and not on a live body. Five points each from Gryffindor." The Professor walked away, shaking her head. Lily looked at Remus, about to thank him, but he was already gone.


	4. Making Nice

**A/N: this has to be the stupidest/best thing I ever wrote. Enjoy this weird and messed up chapter where Sirius gets brain damage as well as other injuries. Why are all these kids so shocked that people read about werewolves? **

James Potter was on a mission. As he swaggered quickly down the hallways of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, he felt compelled to wear muggle shades just to emphasize how big a mission this mission was. He considered even having two bodyguards stalking behind him, both in shades as well, just a cool guy posse on a cool guy mission. Unfortunately he had to settle for Peter Pettigrew, who was not a bodyguard nor did he have shades on. Of course, in place of shades, he had his perfectly (yet boringly) normal pair of eyeglasses. _Sacrifices must be made, I suppose, _he thought glumly to himself as he and Peter reached the entrance to the Gryffindor common rooms. He muttered the password ("_scary spiders"_) to the Fat Lady and went on inside, the pudgy rat-like boy in his shadow. From there, the boy approached a shaggy haired rebel by the name of Sirius Black, who was enjoying a book.

"Sirius Black," James started. "I regret to inform you that hanging out with you and Remus has begun to suck dragon balls." Sirius made a face and put down his book on werewolves.

"I love you guys too." He said sarcastically. "So are you finally agreeing with me that Remus is a total prat and should be dismissed from our group of merry Gryffindor men?" he propped his feet up on the couch he was sitting on, stretching and yawning. James growled and pulled the boy off the couch

"Nope, now get off your arse, Sirius." He said, pulling the kicking and screaming Sirius off the couch by the foot. "Me and Peter need to show you something." People all around the common room grumbled and told the boys all to shut up, their pleas were largely ignored. James dragged Sirius up to their dorms, not caring that his head hit each and every step with a painful thunk. Before catching up, Peter grabbed Sirius' book, looking at it with faint interest.

"Why werewolves?" he asked himself, crinkling his nose. He pocketed the book and ran after the two other boys. Together, they made it to the dorm rooms. James settled on his four-poster, dropping the potentially brain damaged Sirius on the floor next to him. Peter sat up on the window sill.

"Peter… the package." James said. Peter nodded and got up, opening his trunk and sifting through the rubbish and food items he stored in there before pulling up a (now greasy) package. James crinkled his nose as Peter handed it to him.

"Here you go." Peter said, rubbing his hands on his pants. James deadpanned the chubby boy, placing the package on his lap and making a mental note not to give Peter anything for safekeeping. Sirius groaned, rubbing his head and looking up at James

"What is that?" he asked, wincing from just talking. James opened the package, pulling out various photos, each one of them moving. Of course none of the boys were shocked by this. James brandished the photos in front of Sirius.

"This," he began, holding a photo of the first year versions of Remus and Sirius together, smiling and waving. "This is the picture of friendship, pure friendship to the core." He dropped the photo on top of Sirius' head, pulling out another of the two boys holding muggle water pistols, hiding behind Hagrid's hut. The shaggy haired rebel groaned and moved the first picture off his face, only to have his eyes covered by another one.

"James… stop…." He mumbled, looking at the second picture. James pulled out yet another, Remus and Sirius at the Quidditch world cup, holding broomsticks. "Stop it!" Sirius shakily stood up. James shook his head.

"Nope, not until you admit that there was a time when you considered Remus J. Lupin the best, most awesome person in the world." The glasses wearing marauder said. He floated over another photo of Remus wrestling Sirius over a pint of butterbeer with his wand, which Sirius pushed out of the way.

"Fine okay! Remus used to not a prat!" James hexed Sirius, making him fall on his face.

"Not what I was asking for." James said simply, Peter began picking up the various photos.

"I used to be friends with Remus J. Lupin, will you please let me go!" Sirius cried, kicking the floor and on the verge of a tantrum. James shook his head.

"Now admit that you miss said friend and would like to repair said friendship." Potter replied while picking at his nails, Peter gave James the pictures, which he took graciously.

"I… I do miss Remus… and I do want to… r-repair the friendship… or something." Sirius mumbled. James hexed Sirius again, aiming for his rear end, which Sirius grabbing, howling.

"Louder."

"Dammit James I just told yo- OW!"

"Louder."

Sirius sighed "I miss Remus and want to repair the friendship!" James smiled, walking to the door.

"Come Peter, our work is done." He said. Peter trailed behind him obediently; James dropped the photos on Remus' four-poster before leaving. Sirius glared at both of them.

"So help me Merlin, James Potter, I WILL KILL YOU SOMEDAY!" Sirius huffed, burying his face into the floor just as Remus Lupin walked in, carrying his book.

"Um… am I intruding?" he asked, raising an eyebrow and turning to leave, Sirius stumbled up, startled by the new voice.

"Ahh, nope you're fine!" he said before realizing that it was Remus talking. "Oh… I mean…"

"What were those two idiots even laughing about?" Remus asked, pretending to not even hear Sirius. "I don't think James is a good influence on Peter."

"Morons of a feather." Sirius muttered, brushing himself off and walking over to his bed. Remus snorted, looking down at his own and picking up the photos.

"What are these…?" Sirius shrugged, not looking up and wondering why Remus was even bothering talking to him. Remus looked through the pictures, chortling. "Where did these even come from? We both look like complete assholes." Sirius finally looked up, biting his lip when he saw that Remus was looking at the pictures.

"I suppose so." Sirius said. He got fully up on his bed, still holding his bum. Remus looked over, turning a slight shade of red.

"Listen, Sirius. I think I was being-"

"Remmy, this stupid fight has gone on too-"

They both looked away, coughing, and then looked back at each other. The rebel started laughing "You first I guess." Remus nodded.

"I was being too harsh on you. You were just venting about… some chick, what was her name?" Remus asked. Sirius snorted again.

"It was the face that was most memorable. Not in the good way either." Sirius replied. They both gave an awkward laugh. Sirius smiled, hobbling over to Remus.

"And I'm sorry for being a selfish prat. I guess birds aren't all too interesting anyway." He held out his hand, which the lycanthrope just looked at, confused. "Remmy… shake the hand…" Remus blinked before understanding, chuckling dryly and shaking the rebel's hand. From behind the door to the room, James was peeking through the keyhole while Peter looked through the crack under the door.

"Merlin, they're so easy to manipulate…" James muttered. Peter looked up in disbelief.

"James, ever thought the sorting hat… maybe put you in the wrong house? You sound like a Slytherin right now." James glared at the tubby boy, smacking him on the head.

"I did this… out of the kindness of my heart! Yeah! And I did it bravely or something… shut up Peter!" James fumbled over his words, Pater started laughing. He winced when he felt something jab him in his thigh, pulling the book he took out of his pocket.

"Oh yeah, this." The blonde boy said, James looked at it and blinked. Peter shrugged, walking down to the common room the put it back where Remus left it.

* * *

It was a chilly December, and the snow refused to stop falling. Lily Evans gritted her teeth, walking through it on to Hogsmeade. She was to meet Severus Snape at the Three Broomsticks today, and didn't want to be late. Though getting to meet up with her friend seemed almost impossible to the third year. Visibility was next to nothing, and the snow was beginning to almost bury her. She stopped short, catching her breath. Behind her were two boys who looked up to no good. Sirius snickered, holding up his water pistol while Remus rolled his eyes.

"Why can't we just use our wands? I know a handy charm that spurts out water and would have more of an attack than these muggle instruments, not to mention more power-" Sirius hushed him.

"Nope, water pistols are cooler. On the count of three we shoot. One… two…"

**A/N: nope, Chuck Testa. God, I think I should stop making these two experience pain on behalf of their friends. At least Remus is about to get revenge. Poor Lily, she's already an ice cube! Bad marauders! I thought you were the good one, Remmy. Anyway, so concludes this… extremely weird chapter, I must admit. I have no clue what I was thinking while writing this.**

**Should stop reading yaoi. It's messing up my brain.**

**Anyway, goddamn this is only 1,500 words? THIS FELT LONGER. WHY BRAIN, WHY? longer chapter later.  
**


	5. Wrestling Rebels

** A/N: oooookayyyyyy new chapter. Feeling down in the dumps right now, I must admit. Ex-Boyfriend drama. Go figure. Two years ago, I would've said "boyfriend? That'll never happen" and now I half wish it never did. Enough with my depressing first world problems though, time to write a story about two young men living in the sixties and going to wizard school! Speaking of the sixties… does anyone know any cool kid sixties lingo and slang? I'D LOVE TO USE SOME! Comment/review any that you know XD**

**Note: This story is knowingly being reproduced on the following websites: (under the name Kasey Marie), (under the user rmhill10), (Under the admin name Sev on the page Ron, Ron, Ron Weasley! You read that in his voice didn't you?), and on (under the name SlytherinRamona). These accounts all belong to the writer of this fanfic, and nowhere else, please alert the writer if you see this fiction anywhere not on these websites. (SORRY, this needs to be put up ^^;) **

James Potter, proud Gryffindor third year and young thirteen year old boy, was bored. He slumped on his throne, unable to turn his mind off. He wondered where all his friends even were. He finally brought them all back together and this is how they repaid him? By letting him wash away to nothing, alone in the dusty common room. How dare they? Did they not realize how much James loved them and craved their attention? Did they not care about all that he was done for them? Why, he (along with Evans, he supposed…) single-handedly saved the group from being no more. Did that amount to nothing?

While James pondered this deep philosophical thought (it was, at least, to him) Lily Evans came bursting into the common rooms, soaked and very, very angry.

"Those two twits are friends again!" she screamed, storming over to James. "And I regret ever helping you, you prat!" James looked up from his melancholy, confused.

"Evans, you're wet." He commented, she turned a faint tint of pink. Others in the common room started staring again; everyone in the Gryffindor house knew that the last word in entertainment was the James Potter and Crew show.

"I am very much aware of the fact, Potter! May you please remind your stupid friends of the weather before they attack me with water!" she screeched. "How they got muggle water guns is beyond me! I should have Filch search them on the spot for this scandal!" James, as well as many other Gryffindor students, started laughing very hard.

"I'm so proud of my boys…" James mused, wiping a tear from his eye.

OoOoOoOoO

Christmas day rolled around and the four best friends all decided to keep up their tradition of staying on campus for the holidays. Remus, however, was not keen on the idea at all. Christmas Eve was a full moon, Christmas day was to be spent recovering in the hospital wing. As he thought about this, lying in his four poster bed, he also wondered how his presents to his friends were going to get delivered. He could ask Dumbledore for help or maybe Lily… though he doubted Lily wanted to talk to him. Remus smirked; he didn't realize how much he missed pranks with Sirius.

…Sirius. He was going to miss Christmas with Sirius. They literally just made up and he was going to miss spending the best holiday ever with him. Remus sighed. He needed food, or maybe just chocolate. He stumbled out of bed. December 21st. And pretty soon Christmas Eve. Damn.

As he made his way to the Great Hall, he heard James catching up with him, but didn't really look up. As James finally made it close enough, the lycanthrope felt the tug of his vest as James attempted slow him down.

"Geez, someone's hungry. Bad day, Scars?" James had recently adopted the nick name Scars for Remus. He didn't mind much, just as long as only James called him it, and until a better nickname came along.

"I suppose." Remus answered. There was a hint of distraction in his voice. James cocked an eyebrow but didn't say anything; they both reached the Great Hall and walked to the Gryffindor table. Sirius and Peter were already seated there, Peter shoveling eggs and bacon down his throat and Sirius picking at his own food. Remus chose simple bread and jam and started eating quietly. The trees and wreaths all around the Hall helped eliminate the empty feeling it always had during the holidays. There were a few Slytherins, an alarming amount of Hufflepuffs, and one Ravenclaw still on campus. The boys were the only Gryffindors. Even Lily Evans had gone off to a trip with her parents. Remus was feeling rather drowsy. Perhaps he shouldn't have stayed up all night reading that werewolf book…

Sirius grinned, leaning over the table and kissing Remus passionately. Remus, first caught by surprise, started returning the kiss. Everyone stopped eating a moment, even Peter. The shaggy haired boy broke away, leaning near Remus' ear to whisper his name, tugging on his tie. Remus blushed, sputtering at the suddenness of it all.

"Remus…Remus….REMUS!" Sirius licked the end on his fork and stuck it in Remus' ear. The other boy woke with a start, his face in jam.

"What in Merlin's beard!" Remus sat straight up and glared over at the rebel "I was having a—dream."

"Yeah, I'm sure your dream was pleasant. Next time though, don't fall asleep at the table." Sirius passed him a napkin "I heard that jam is bad for your complexion. Sirius stood up. "Meet you all under the tree. Maybe clean yourself up a bit though, Remmy…" the rebel laughed and started toward the said planned tree. Remus rubbed his temples, groaning. What was that? James exchanged a look with Peter and coughed, patting Remus' back.

"Hey Scars, what's going on in that huge brain of yours. You're looking like a lost puppy in the rain today. Come here and tell Uncle Potter all about it… and Peter too, I suppose." Peter seemed too interested in his second helping of flapjacks.

"Just had a weird dream, brain went all… loopy." Remus mumbled, slumping over his toast and rubbing off the jelly on his face. "I blame lack of sleep."

"Well start waking up. In celebration of our first day of break, we are going to have a snowball fight to end all snowball fights!" James waved his hands dramatically. "It'll be the best, the greatest thing we have ever done ever! There shall be blood, sweat and snow! And Peter will you stop dripping syrup on my robes!" Peter apologetically moved his syrup covered fork, and the boys all laughed. James pushed up his glasses, grinning. "I'm off to join Sirius; we'll choose teams once we're out there." James ran out of the Hall, yelling Christmas carols and mimicking the throwing of snowballs. Some of the few students (mainly the Slytherins) looked at him annoyed, but most laughed.

"Well… see ya." Peter said, getting up and running after James. Remus sighed and finished off his breakfast, walking off to join his friends.

OoOoOoOoO

"Alright." James said, finishing up the two snow forts needed for what promised to be one of the best wizarding snowball fights since 1864. "I suppose teams making is in order. Umm… me and Remus against Peter and Sirius." Sirius was about to protest, but decided against it after getting a look from James.

"Maybe it should be a rule to only use snow, and the snow on the ground. No fancy charms or anything." Remus said, Sirius smirked.

"Fine by me, you're the one who knows all those charms anyway." Sirius tossed his wand aside under the tree, and the other boys followed suit. James seemed to have more trouble than usual parting with his wand. The boys all took their posts behind the fort, James winking at Remus, who chuckled.

"Ready, men?" a crowd of Hufflepuffs started to congregate nearby to watch the scene. "Three… two… one… FIGHT!"

A glorious battle it was. All four boys fought with such a ferocity, and once it was over, plenty of snow was acquired in everyone's hair and clothing. All the boys came back into the castle with red noses and blue toes. There was much clapping for the victors from the audience, and Sirius and Peter took the victory with pride. Afterwards, James and Sirius took the tunnel to Honeydukes to buy sweets.

"So how are you and Remus?" James asked casually, as they both walked through the tunnel, James carrying his invisibility cloak. Sirius raised an eyebrow.

"Fine I guess. I mean… we're talking again?" James smiled innocently and nodded. "Umm… he helped brush off my robes from all the snow? Crap James, what do you even mean by 'how are we?' We're fine." James snickered.

"Whatever you say, Sirius." James replied. "We should make a map of all these entrances or something, for future mischief makers, or for my future son with Lily Evans." It was Sirius' turn to snicker.

"Honestly, she's rejected three times this year, and you're planning children? Why not just go out with Alice, she seems into you." James crinkled his nose and shook his head defiantly.

"Please, Alice has too big eyes, and anyway Frank likes her. You saw those singing roses he got her. It was almost sickening." Sirius gave James a look.

"Those roses almost bit her ear off, it must be true love." The two boys laughed. Minutes later, they arrived at the entrance to Honeydukes. James pulled open the cellar door and the two boys hid under their invisibility cloak. Together they made it to the front of the store. James took the cloak off in a place where no one would see two boys suddenly appear and start asking questions. Sirius then grabbed up a baggie to put in the treats while James alerted the salesperson of customers. James looked over at Sirius and cocked an eyebrow, looking at the candies he was bagging up.

"Think you got… enough chocolate, Sirius?" he said with a smirk "I'm not made of money." Sirius looked up, eyes darting back and forth.

"Well, Remmy likes chocolate. This bag is for him, Peter's will be gummies, mine with be the dog treats for people and you can have… whatever you fancy." James shook his head in disbelief.

"Remus Lupin does not need two kilos* of chocolate. I wish I owned Gringotts, but I don't. Therefore I only have enough money for a half kilo* each. And get me some of those taffies." James huffed. "Sheesh, I treat you to candy and you attempt to run me out of business." Sirius grinned sheepishly and put some of the chocolate back.

"Don't understand why you can't just shave a little off Peter's, like he needs more food! Remus looks half dead and starving, and we give all the candy to the pudgy boy." The rebel muttered. James hit him upside the head with his wand.

"One half kilo or you're paying." James said firmly.

OoOoOoOo

Back in the Gryffindor common rooms, the four boys feasted on their sweets. Having the room all to themselves was surely a treat in itself. They played games of Exploding Snap without anyone shushing them, and Remus got caught up on all his reading. The day after the big snowball fight, Remus curled up on one of the comfy chairs, eating chocolate and reading a book, James and Peter were out somewhere trying to build the, as James quoted "biggest most awesome snow-robot ever!" ("Good heavens, man. What in Merlin's beard is a snow-robot?" Sirius asked, shaking his head). Remus figured that since it was unusually quiet, he would finish that werewolf book. Unfortunately for him, he was about to be disturbed. Sirius walked over and leaned over his shoulder, much to the lycanthrope's annoyance.

"Can I help you?" Remus murmured, still deep into his book. Sirius flopped onto Remus, covering his book, Remus sighed "Sirius, is this necessary? I'm busy."

"No you aren't. Let's go hex some Slytherins." Remus batted the rebel's head.

"Get off, I was reading." He almost whined. Nothing could part Remus J Lupin from a good book and some chocolate. Sirius only shook his head.

"You always read, come do something stupid with the rest of us. Come have a lack of intelligence with us!" Remus kept hitting Sirius' head.

"But this book is interesting! Biased but interesting." Sirius turned over, his nose directly on the book.

"I don't see what's so great about it. Which one is it?" he asked, voice muffled. Remus found this position very uncomfortable.

"Get your face out of there! It's the werewolf one." Sirius looked up, smiling.

"I read that one too!" he said proudly.

"You can read?" Remus said sarcastically. It was the rebel's turn to hit the lycanthrope. Remus laughed and deflected the hit, shifting a little in his seat to make Sirius roll off. Sirius shouted, falling to the floor.

"You prat! You've done it now!" Sirius pulled Remus by the legs to the ground, and the werewolf was taken by surprise. He growled, now entangled with Sirius, who was laughing. Remus bear hugged the other boy, and the wrestling match began, both boys using cheap tricks just to gain the upper hand. Sirius finally pinned Remus down, both boys flushed and laughing too hard. Sirius smiled and rolled off of Remus.

"I win, always do. It's not really a fair fight, with these muscles." He flexed his arm, which did not have much definition on it at all. Remus snorted.

"Please, you're just as scrawny as the rest of us… well 'cept Peter." Sirius looked up at the ceiling, chuckling.

"Maybe he should get into the art of sumo." Both boys cracked up. Remus dug into his pocket, pulling out his bag of chocolates.

"Gimmie some." Sirius pleaded, swiping at the bag. Remus moved his hand away.

"Nope, get your own." He teased. Sirius pouted and swiped at the bag again, this time managing to grab it. Remus sputtered, trying to grab the bag back. "My chocolate!" Sirius dashed through the common rooms.

"Gonna have to be faster than that!" Remus shook his head.

"Oh it's on..."

**A/N: This was long . so long. Just… argh I did it though, I topped 2,000 words. I'm so proud of myself. Let's celebrate with some chocolate.**

**Official word count of this chapter (story only, excluding A/N's) is 2,225. HECK YES!**

**Beta'd by my incredibly awesome friend, who just had a birthday. I GIVE HER DEVIANTART POINTS AND SHE WILL LIKE THEM D BWAHHHHH  
**

**Comment and fave~  
**


	6. Chasing Trees

** A/N: Oh look who isn't dead! Sorry for my absence. I went to Disneyland! Anyway, on to the story. 10 points to the house who can spot my Doctor Who reference.**

** As always, if you see the fiction under the name of anyone that isn't going by the name Kasey Marie, rmhill10, Admin Sev, or SlytherinRamona, they are frauds, use sticks to beat them and contact me.**

"Remmy, get off meee!" Sirius whined and buried his head into a pillow. Remus sat triumphantly on top of him, eating chocolate

"Nope, steal my chocolate and pay the price." Remus said simply. Sirius groaned, and Remus smirked a little, there was simply nothing he loved more than good times with friends…

OoOoOoOo

It was December 24th, and Remus was nowhere to be seen. The boys woke up to see an empty four poster where Remus should have been sleeping. He was not in the Great Hall when the boy went down for breakfast, nor was he in the Gryffindor common room. They checked every male bathroom, seeing if Remus may have slipped or had a terrible stomach ache, then checked Madam Pomfrey to see if he checked into hospital wing. She merely shook her head sadly, knowing exactly where Remus was, but never telling the boys where their friend was. A disheartened James slumped against the entrance to the hospital wing, sighing.

"He's disappeared without a trace. How are we to ever properly celebrate Christmas Eve without Scars?" he said sadly. Sirius looked up.

"Hey, it's only about two in the afternoon. He'll show up eventually." He said encouragingly. Peter nodded, agreeing, and the three boys made their way to the front of the school, planning to hex Snape or something of the sort. Whatever came to mind. They did indeed find Snape (he too stayed behind for Christmas) and taunted him on his robes and hair. It soon turned to a battle of the wands between James and Severus, where Severus was bested. The slytherin boy ran to the hospital wing, if just to keep his nose from growing any longer, while the other boys laughed and pointed. But even the time they were done, Remus was nowhere to be found.

By supper, the boys were worried. James looked over at Dumbledore, who sat with the other teachers

"I wonder if he knows anything?" he thought aloud. Peter shrugged, and Sirius shook his head.

"What will you do? Are you going to walk right up to the man? 'Oh sorry, most important wizard ever. I know you're busy eating and all, but my friend seems to be missing suddenly. Is that treacle tart?'" James snorted.

"Well how else do you see him? As far as I'm concerned, the only way to get into the headmaster's office is through troublemaking. And I'm no longer in a mischievous mood." James bent over his food, staring at it, while Sirius rubbed his best friend's back. Peter even stopped eating to help comfort his friends. It seemed the three boys were a little incomplete without their brainy best mate. None of them noticed Dumbledore getting up from the table early, leaving for his office.

OoOoOoOo

"Are you sure you don't want to notify your friends with a made up illness?" Dumbledore asked, the old man stood in his office next to Remus Lupin, who shook his head.

"No sir, I don't think they'd fall for it anyway. They're smarter than they look." Remus allowed himself a small smile. Dumbledore smiled back and patted the boy's shoulder.

"I know this might be the last thing you want to hear, but I'm terribly sorry you must spend your holidays in such a state." The old man said, Remus nodded, feeling tears form around his eyes. It just wasn't fair. He wanted to be outside in the snow with his friends, making snow-bots; or in the common rooms, wrestling Sirius. He in no way wanted to spend it holed up in the Shrieking Shack, during a painful transformation. Madam Pomfrey came up and with Dumbledore, Remus was transported to passageway to his prison before the moon came out. Before sneaking off into the hole under the Whomping Willow, Dumbledore said something softly to the lycan.

"I feel inclined to inform you that your friends have been searching for you all day." He said simply before letting Remus go. Remus felt like crying a little, he couldn't have asked for better friends, and it hurt to know that they had taken such a notice to his absence. He nodded and went through the tunnel.

Meanwhile, back at the common rooms, Sirius Black was reading The Complete Guide to Lycanthropes and watching James and Peter play Exploding Snap. The scene was a bit gloomy, as everyone had Remus on their mind. Sirius himself kept thinking back to his scars. He found it kind of funny that he considered Remus his best friend, yet did not know the real story behind the scars. The marks that covered his friends face were forever shrouded in mystery, a story as missing as Remus himself. He looked out of the window only to catch the sunset.

"An entire day, and not a single Lupin. This is a strange, sad feeling, boys." He said. James grunted and Peter nodded.

"Perhaps he's in the woods…" Peter mumbled. James looked up from his game and grinned broadly

"I got it, men! He's in the woods!"

"I just sa-"

"Hush Peter! Plans must be made to hunt down the elusive Remus Lupin!" James proclaimed. Peter sighed, rolling his eyes. The three boys together hatched a plan and were under the invisibility cloak in a matter of minutes. James kept glancing over to his shaggy rebel friend, who looked a sorry state.

"Can't shake the feeling that we have the answer right in front of us." Sirius finally said while on their way out of the castle. They walked slowly into the woods.

"Yeah, yeah. Either that or this is one of Remus' jokes." James mused. Peter blinked.

"Remus knows how to pull jokes?" the tubby blonde asked. Sirius laughed and James joined in.

"Okay, maybe not. But it's a possibili- OW! James, what'd you stop walking for? I ran right into you!"

"Ugh… how do you think I feel, getting your body slammed into mine! I think we hit a tree. You okay Peter?"

"…"

"Peter?"

"Peter?"

"SNAKES!"

Peter took off in a mad dash, and the two other boys looked down. There they saw dozens of baby pythons, both boys screamed in a rather high pitch. The snakes started wriggling up their legs and hissing

"MERLIN, WE WALKED RIGHT INTO A SNAKE HOME!" Sirius yelled, "AHHH! WHAT SPELL DO I USE TO… OH MY MERLIN!"

"WE'RE GOING TO DIE! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE! WHERE'S PETER!? OH GOD HE'S DEAD!" James and Sirius started screaming, running back into the castle and tripping all over themselves, throwing snakes off their legs. Honestly, it was a miracle no one heard them. When they reached the castle door they ran in, finding a pale face Peter panting, as it had been ages since the tubby boy had actually ran. James and Sirius huffed and hugged Peter.

"We thought they got you!" Sirius yelled, tearing up dramatically.

"How did you manage to escape?" James said at the same time. Peter looked between the two and squirmed.

"Let go of me, weirdoes'!"

OoOOOO

The boy had found their way back into their dorms, tired and still shaken up by the snakes. Peter found a bit of comfort food in his chest, and silently munched on Bernie Bott's Every Flavor Beans. Sirius was looking about the window, suffering from the agony of defeat. James whistled a tune while looking up at the ceiling.

"I miss Remmy." Sirius muttered. "You two are boring. Tubby rarely speaks and Glasses is all mouth, no head. The both of you are too thick to function."

"Hey! Peter isn't that tubby!" James said. "And… I'm not thick! You're thick! You're Mr. Thick Thick Thickity…"

"Oh just shut up!" Peter groaned through beans. Soon after the three boys went to bed. Al but Sirius, who still stared out the window, looking in particular at the Whomping Willow. Why was that even here? Certainly it didn't get planted because of its good looks. And no one was allowed to go near it…

What's so dangerous about an ugly tree?

Why'd they call it a Whomping Willow?

Sirius had to find out!

Sneaking out of the room and the common rooms, Sirius tip-toed his way to the entrance, he was just about to go out to the Willow when suddenly…

"What're _you _doing up?" sneered a voice behind him. Sirius gasped and spun around to face Severus Snape.

"Ah! Nothing, nothing at all." Severus narrowed his eyes while Sirius regained his composure. "And anyway, I should ask the same about you, Snivelus!" the greasy boy growled at the name.

"Why would you need to sneak out at three AM? I'm out because I was busy working on a potion." Severus crossed his arms, tapping his wand on his forearm and awaiting a response. Sirius bit his lip, trying to think of a good lie to say but not coming up with much. He sighed and tore his wand from his robes, remembering a useful spell the boys learned practicing on themselves.

"_Confundo!" _Sirius yelled. Impressively, the third year managed to successfully confuse the Slytherin with the charm. He muttered a simple order to Snape "Now go to bed."

"Bed… Time…" Snape said, walking slowly back to his room. Sirius smirked, proud of the fact that such a young wizard could conjure that spell. Young Black went on out into the darkness, going toward that tree.


	7. Giving Gifts

** A/N: No one saw my Doctor Who reference. Everyone fails Muggle Studies. :( Anyway, because my last two updates took too long, I'll make it up to you by actually doing my damn job and typing. Updates should be quicker**

** This is going to be a pretty long story, I think. They're still third years. Good. I hate short ones. **

** As always, if you see the fiction under the name of anyone that isn't going by the name Kasey Marie, rmhill10, Admin Sev, or SlytherinRamona, they are frauds, use sticks to beat them and contact me.**

Sirius Black was in pain, and what a pain it was. He lay down on his back, rubbing his stomach. What kind of sick tree was this!? Who planted this crap here!? Why does it pack such a punch!? Such questions swam in Sirius' mind while he attempted to regain himself without his lunch coming up onto his robe. After lying down in the spot where the tree had thrown him for a few minutes, he finally felt able to breathe some, and shakily gave up. He glared at the tree

"Slug breath!" he yelled at it, certain it could hear him. The rebel threw a rock at it out of anger, managing to hit it right on one of its big ugly knots. To Sirius' surprise, the tree suddenly froze. The boy took two steps back, gasping and expecting it to bring another attack. But the tree stayed frozen. It was almost un-tree like how still it was, at least some trees swayed their branches in the wind, but this one stood as still as a statue. Sirius walked cautiously toward the tree. It still did not move, he was close enough to touch its trunk and roots. He walked around the tree; surely this tree had some sort of purpose. Why would Dumbledore just decide to plant a killer tree on school grounds? Sirius knew he was balmy, but the old professor wasn't a complete pyscho. Sirius tripped on a hole and yelled, falling down onto the dirt.

"Damn…" he whispered. He looked at the hole he tripped on and squinted. It looked like a tunnel of some kind. Sirius grinned, jackpot! This tree did have a purpose, it was sitting on something, and obviously something that was to be kept hidden. Naturally, Sirius wanted to find it. The young Gryffindor slipped through the hole.

OoOoOo

It smelled like human. The werewolf growled. Not only did it smell like human, it smelled like dinner. Licking his muzzle, the wolf lied in wait. He was so hungry. Food was so near. A small voice in the back of his head was nagging him again.

_No, this isn't me. I'm not like this. Please don't hurt the person… it could be a student… I can't leave; I need to stay at Hogwarts. Please don't…_

The wolf ignored the pleas of the voice. Food was food. The lycanthrope stared at the entrance to the house with red eyes. He watched as a dark haired boy came in, looking around, the wolf froze. The nagging voice in the back of head suddenly grew louder.

_Sirius, why are you here!? Get away from me! I'll hurt you… please, please don't hurt Sirius…_ The wolf gave a pitiful growl. Sirius looked up towards the noise, seeing the wolf and stumbling back in shock. His face grew paler and paler and for a moment, he forgot to breathe. The Wolf snarled, regaining his poise.

"Oh no… no no no…"Sirius whispered, not moving a muscle. The wolf inched closer, still hearing the voice, which was now yelling.

_RUN! RUN YOU IDIOT! I WILL HURT YOU… Sirius… Run… _The wolf whimpered, pawing his face, the voice was too loud to focus. Suddenly the lycanthrope was confused, almost agitated. Sirius raised an eyebrow, still backing further and further into the hole. The wolf started backing up as well, looking at Sirius and giving him a warning growl. _Run._

Sirius turned into the hole and started running. Even he knew better than to face a werewolf. He didn't stop running until he reached the castle. The wolf whined, because to the wolf, Sirius Black was a meal. But it was Remus that really stopped him.

OoOoOoO

James, Peter and Sirius woke up Christmas morning to loads of presents at the foot of their four-posters, as well as gifts beside Remus', but they looked pitiful, considering there was no Remus around to open them. This was quite a damper on the boys' spirits. Nonetheless, they opened up their gifts. James got many chocolates from various girls, as well as parcels from his parents.

"None of these gifts could compare to a gift from Evans…" he sighed. The other two boys gave him a look and Peter hit him on the head with a jelly bean. James threw his pillow at the blonde boy, and everyone shared a good laugh. Sirius seemed a bit subdued, and James slid over to him, handing him his gift.

"Cheer up, mate. Think about that Christmas dinner." Sirius gave a small smile and took his parcel, opening it up and finding a Chudley Cannons robe.

"Awesome! Happy Christmas, James!" Sirius tried it on for size, temporarily forgetting the wolf and the strange disappearance of Remus Lupin. Could they possibly be connected? Peter opened up his gifts, getting all kinds of foods from all kinds of family. He got started on some fudge, if just to tide him over before breakfast. He too, got a Chudley Cannons robe from James, who got four of them for each of the boys.

"We'll look incredibly cool." He said, brushing back his hair from his forehead. "Might even get some birds worth with them. Though I only have eyes for Lily."

"I think mine might be too small…"

"Everything is too small on you, Peter!" Sirius cracked. The boys all shared a laugh when they heard a knock on their dorm door. James got up and opened the door, blinking.

"Oh… Happy Christmas, professor Dumbledore." He said, stepping back to let Dumbledore in. Albus smiled as if it was perfectly normal for him to just check up on students.

Happy Christmas, boys. I see you got all your presents. My, what fine robes you have on…" he looked over at Remus Lupin's unopened presents and frowned, humming. "Well, I do not come here with the happiest of news… there's been an accident boys. Mr. Lupin seemed to think he could wander into the Forbidden Forest on his own… we deployed a search party for him, found him in a bad state. He's up with Madame Pomfrey now… I'm very sorry boys." The room was silent. It didn't really make sense. The explanation was simple and not at all satisfying. It wasn't like Remus to just wander off into the forest. However no one questioned the headmaster. Albus cleared his throat.

"Would you like to send his gifts to him up there? He should be awake now. Your friend should be fixed up in not time." The old wizard smiled.

"Sure…" Sirius said slowly. He grabbed his gift for Remus, as well as some from the pile by his four posters. The other two boys followed suit and they all marched up to the hospital ward. There they found a pale and tired looking, but very much awake Remus Lupin. He smiled at the sight of his friends, but the smile faded as he locked eyes with Sirius. He prayed last night wasn't real. Sirius however was grinning. He even allowed himself to hug Remus.

"What the hell were you thinking!?" he demanded, squeezing the sickly boy, who turned even paler from the lack of oxygen. Remus suddenly remembered the cover story and turned red.

"Uh… thought I could take on a creature in there… I was wrong." This only caused Sirius to squeezing him even harder.

"It's my job to be stupid, idiot!" James pulled the rebel back before Remus passed out or something. Remus could feel himself blushing furiously from slight embarrassment over the whole situation. Plus, a little part of him didn't want James to pull back Sirius; he had a calming scent about him. Remus felt like his body could easily mesh together with the other boy's. They were almost like two interlocking puzzle pieces, was it even healthy to even think about that… especially considering it was Sirius Black. It was his best mate, nothing more and nothing less. Remus bit his lip and looked down at his unopened gift from Sirius.

"Go on, open mine first!" Sirius said, Remus obeyed. Tearing open the wrapping paper and the box, Remus pulled out an entire block of chocolate. It was literally a brick of chocolate. Remus' eyes nearly bugged out of his skull.

"Wh-what?" he asked. He looked around "This is…" Sirius leaned forward expectantly "This is AWESOME!" Remus hugged the chocolate. Peter snorted.

"And you say I have a problem." He said.

"Remus could use a few pounds, Peter." James responded, handing his gift of the quidditch robes. Soon, all of Remus' gifts were opened and everyone was having a good time, until Peter groaned, rubbing his belly.

"Can we go eat please?" he begged. "So hungry…" James slumped forward.

"I'll come with you, Pete. You coming down to breakfast with us, Sirius?"

"Nah, I'll catch up." Sirius sat at the foot of the Remus' hospital bed. James smirked knowingly and walked out with Peter. Sirius looked around to make sure no one was around and reached into his robes.

"You should really go with them, don't worry about me…" Remus started, Sirius shook his head, still shuffling through his robes. "Really, you must be starved. I couldn't possibly keep you… Sirius? Sirius, what are you doing?" Sirius pulled out a small box.

"Ha! Found it. It got you a second gift!" Sirius handed the gift over and Remus opened it.

"Oh… Oh Sirius, you really shouldn't."

"It wasn't much, my family is loaded, remember?"

"Yeah, but… not this much. Plus, they kind of hate you. Oh it's even my favorite animal!" Sirius scooted forward until he was practically sharing a pillow with the lycanthrope.

"Well, now they'll really hate me when they realize all that missing money. Oh, well. It was worth it." Remus couldn't help it, he hugged his friend.

"You're awesome."

"I know."

"Hey… Sirius?"dare he ask the rebel if he also felt like a perfect fit? It just sounded kind of stupid. Remus decided it was one of those times where you just don't make it awkward.

"Yeah?"

"Uh… Happy Christmas."

OoOoOoO

_Harry spied an accessory on Professor Lupin's wrist; it was like a silver bracelet with a small wolf pendant on it. It looked a good deal of money. It was almost out of place compared to the rest of the professor. _

_ "Where'd you get that, Professor?" he asked, pointing to the jewelry. The professor lifted his arm and smiled fondly at the piece._

_ "From a very close friend on a very lovely Christmas, a long time ago."_

**A/N: This one was awesome to write. Why would a third year boy buy his best mate a silver bracelet? Because fanfiction, that's why. And I like to think that the Black house still had a small fortune at this time. I forgot if they really did or not, bear with me here. This chapter, you'll probably have to give up canon slightly. I dunno, I really liked it.**


	8. Kissing Mates

** A/N: Started writing this the day after I posted 7. Too excited to stop. I know that canon dictates they all found out about Remus in second year, but I'm not canon. Neither is this, slightly. ACK JUST DON'T KILL ME, OKAY?**

** As always, if you see the fiction under the name of anyone that isn't going by the name Kasey Marie, rmhill10, Admin Sev, or SlytherinRamona, they are frauds, and I will use my sonic screwdriver on them.**

Third year student, Peter Pettigrew figured something out. Well, more than one thing really. The first being that Remus Lupin was indeed a werewolf, the second thing he figured out was that he had officially ran out of chocolate frogs. It was one of the few moments that food wasn't the most important thing to him, though. Remus dominated most of his mind at that moment, while he looked in vain through his trunk for his chocolate frogs. It made sense, once a month Remus would go away for a few days, come back looking really worse for wear, then get better completely after about a week. Just when during the month did Remus leave? During the moon cycles, of course. Peter wasn't so scared of his friend as much as he was a little miffed that he never told the boys. They were his best mates, and James would've probably found it the most awesome thing ever. Peter supposed he had his own reasons

The second thing that bothered Peter was the disappearance of his newly bought chocolate frogs. This wasn't the only crime committed on chocolate law. He also noted two days ago, Sirius complained that his chocolate dipped fake wands were gone. James' couldn't find his chocolate malt balls. Even Remus' outrageously large chocolate brick was gone, though Remus didn't speak but about it, he kept oddly quiet whenever a new chocolaty item went missing. Peter was certain that Remus had something to do with the theft, and couldn't wrap his head around what he was angrier about, the chocolate stealing or the secret keeping.

Peter sighed, closed his trunk and began making his way back down to the common rooms. It was nearing the end of the school year, all the children has just finished taking their final examinations, everyone was making their goodbyes and enjoying what little time they had left at school before hopping on the train back to Kings Cross. That night, Gryffindor was to be hosting a party to celebrate their most certain win in the House Cup, which was to be announced during the feast. All around, Peter could see the preparations for it all. He found Remus Lupin with his tie hanging loosely around his neck and a slightly unbuttoned collar, and his robe was hanging about his shoulders, looking rather untidy. His hair was sticking up from being pressed against the couch he was sitting in and he only had one sock on. He seemed to be enjoying a book entitled Lycanthrope Romps, which was the latest in young adult wizard fiction.

"Remus," Peter began. "I've lost my Chocolate Frogs." Remus stiffened, looking up.

"What's it to me?" he asked mildly. Pete stared him down for a few seconds, and then exhaled, sitting down next to him.

"Clear out your pockets."

"Um… My what?"

"Clear out your pockets, Remus. I want my chocolate back." Remus bit his lip and looked down, hesitantly reaching into his robe pockets and taking out all kinds of candies. All of them were chocolate-based products. Peter frowned, seeing his Chocolate Frogs.

"I… I really like chocolate?"

"Remus, why are you stealing people's chocolate? This makes no sense and is, quite frankly, a little weird."

"I just…" Remus closed his book. "I had a chocolate craving, been having it for a while. It'll pass like it always does."

"You sound like Lily on the week before the end of the month. Speaking of months…" Peter tilted his head. "Where are you going every full moon?" Remus gasped, shaking a little. One could swear that his hair turned a little grey right then and there.

"None of your business!" he yelled, standing up. Students who were prepping for the party stopped to watch the two. Peter stood as well and stepped back, scared he might transform or something.

"Just answer the question, Remus. There's no hiding it now." Remus raised his hand as if to slap the boy. Peter shut his eyes, flinching.

"STOP IT YOU TWO!" Sirius dropped the banner he was helping put up and ran between them. "What are you doing!?"

"I'm about beat the crap out of fatty, here!" the lycanthrope yelled. "Now if you'll excuse me mate, but step away!" the rebel stood his ground. He pushed Remus back, away from Peter.

"I said stop!" Sirius said, drawing his wand and pointing it at Remus. "I'm not letting you get into some stupid brawl with your friend. Peter, leave."

"But I-"

"Leave!" Peter scooped up his rightfully owned chocolate and ran off, with his departure, everyone went back to work. Sirius pointed his wand at the chair. "You, sit down."

"Leave me alone!"

"I said sit!" Sirius yelled. Remus sat. Sirius sat down next to him and lowered his wand. "That's better. Now what the hell are you thinking?" Remus glared at the ground.

"He knows." He muttered. Sirius leaned forward.

"Knows what?"

"He… He just knows!" Sirius was unfazed.

"Knows what?" he repeated. Remus didn't answer. "Is it something I would know? Remus, are you hiding something from us, are you in danger? We could help you, you know that."

"I'm fine!" Remus yelled, Sirius didn't even blink.

"No you aren't." Sirius sat down next to his friend and clamped on arm on his shoulder "What's going on?" has asked softly. Tears sprang to Remus' eyes.

"I'm a monster." He whispered. Sirius cocked an eyebrow, confused.

"You're the gentlest person I know, Remmy. What do you even mean? You couldn't hurt a fly unless he was some dangerous creature like the ones in Defense against the Dark Arts. You know, the ones you know so much more about than us." Sirius smiled. "You certainly aren't one of them."

"B-But I am. You don't understand. I am one of those… You saw me before. But you never told anyone about it." Remus choked out. "Christmas Eve you saw me." Sirius' eyes went wide and he removed his hand from Remus' shoulder standing up.

"You… no. That can't be."

"You found the secret tunnel under the tree. You met me when I… it isn't even really me. The wolf is separate from me, really."

"You never bothered to tell me?" Sirius hissed. "I thought I was going to die that night and you didn't bother to bring up that it was you?" tears rolled down Remus' face.

"I'm so sorry…" he said weakly. Sirius glared at him, but then he saw the sincerity in his friend's eyes, and his face softened.

"Hey… no harm done, right?" He sat back down. "You're scared, I get that. I'd be scared too. Why didn't you tell us?" Remus pressed his face into the rebel's shoulder, hiding his tears.

"I can't leave this school, if word got out, people would tell their parents, and I would be forced to leave. My kind isn't liked much. For good reason, too. I'm… I'm a monster." He repeated. Sirius hugged his friend.

"You're not a monster; you're Remus J Lupin, proud Gryffindor. Brave, talented, clever and let's face it, you got nice hair." The boys shared a small laugh. "Remmy, you're a good person. I don't care if once a month you turn into a raging wolf demon monster thing. You're still Remus. It'd be just like a bird, they turn into raging monsters too, once a month."

"Hey! It's not like that!" Remus protested. Sirius motioned to the chocolate around him.

"Really, now? It isn't?" Remus looked around a slumped forward, and Sirius took note of a bit of chocolate on his face. He rolled his eyes and took a bit of his sleeve, rubbing it off. "You're hopeless."

"And you're… the greatest friend I could have." Remus said. Others started looking at them now. The two looked rather affectionate, holding each other and cleaning each other's faces. Both boys turned red and disconnected from each other, facing different directions. Sirius gave a sidelong look at the lycanthrope, feeling his face feel hot. What gotten a hold of him? And since when did this room get so hot? He wiped sweat from his brow and took off his vest.

"Sheesh, open a window or something, too hot." He said. Remus looked at him, taking note that he only bothered to button up about half of his shirt, which was wrinkled. He looked messier than the werewolf himself. There was something about the dirt stains on Sirius' uniform, or maybe it was the sweaty brow. Remus got up suddenly.

"Yep, forgot. Library book, last day of school… going to… library…" Sirius blinked. "…bye." Remus ran out of the common rooms, chocolate flying out of his robes.

"What a strange little werewolf." Sirius commented.

"Werewolf? Who? Tell me! Ugh, and clean your damn shirts." Potter flopped onto the couch, right on top of the candies Remus left. "Ugh! You're so messy!"

"Ahh! James!" Sirius jolted up, tearing his eyes from the retreating form of Remus. "No one! No one is a werewolf here. Werewolf on campus? What? What a stupid idea, shut up James!"

"I barely said a word! Now tell me, who is this werewolf?" James lowered his voice "Is it someone we know?"

"I really think you should hear it from the guy himself…"

"So it's a guy werewolf." James looked around "Is it Snape? Oh please let it be Snape, maybe we can get him kicked out of this school!"

"It's not Snape! It's… tell you later… too many people. And anyway, you should really, _really _hear it from him…" Sirius swallowed and James groaned.

"No fun!" he got up. "You're no fun at all!"

"Whatever, James." Sirius mumbled. He got up, deciding to catch up with Remus at the library. Something was still off, and he needed to find out what.

OoOoOo

Remus felt confused and odd as he made his way to the library. It was a very accurate feeling indeed. There was plenty to be confused about in his mind, he may or may not have snuggled his best mate and then imagined him with no clothing on. That entire picture was confusing enough. It could've been because instead of rejecting the werewolf, he decided to just like the person, not the wolf. It could also be because of the way he dressed, which made all the girls swoon as well. Or maybe Sirius Black was just plain attractive. Whatever it was, Remus was falling pretty hard for his best friend, which made him feel odd. He already knew he was odd enough, not even really human, smartest one in his class, not all that social. But this was even odder. Weren't boys supposed to like girls? He figured that was the rules of it all. He was to grow up like his parents, find a nice wife, settle down and have a kid. But whenever he dozed off during class, or daydreamed while pretending to read whatever book he chose that day, Sirius dominated his thoughts.

It wasn't even normal anyway, his was only thirteen. Sure, there were people in his year that had girlfriends and boyfriends, but none of them were serious. There might have been hand holding and a quick snog when people weren't looking, but it was nothing more than that. It was nothing compared to the relationships the upperclassmen had. Remus turned the corner. He heard a voice behind him and nearly squeaked in slight fear.

"Remus… where are you off to?" Sirius asked, catching up to him. Remus looked over him.

"Um… library." He said.

"The library is back in the other direction…" Sirius sighed. "Remus, what's going on? Don't tell me you're a vampire too."

"I'm not! I Just… feel funny, I suppose." It wasn't a lie.

"Funny how? Need to see Madam Pomfrey kind of funny?" Remus' lips formed a tight line. "Remus, you're all sweaty. Gross!"

"I'm just… I really like chocolate." Remus began. Sirius snorted.

"We know!"

"Shut up! Anyway, I really like chocolate." He stopped walking. "And there's this one bar of chocolate. It's the most delicious brand there is, it's beyond wizard magic, how amazing it is. And it's funny too, and smart… well, kind of."

"Suddenly this doesn't sound like a bar of chocolate."

"Let me finish! But this bar of chocolate… it's a friend. And I can't eat a friend. As much as I want to, and I want to, I must stay away. Because that chocolate bar would never, ever go for a person like me. And the Bar of chocolate isn't… like me. So I'll settle for the lesser known, not as good chocolate, because I have to… if that makes sense." Remus slid down against the walls of the hallway, Sirius looked at him like he was mad. "I just made no sense…"

"You're in love with Lily!" Sirius yelled. "No wonder you're acting off! James would kill you! Lily is chocolate!"

"What!? No! Not Lily!" Remus rubbed his temples "Bloody hell…"

"Then who? Not… Not Snape, right?" Sirius sat down next to Remus. "Who's the chocolate? Is it Peter? Ginger Lee? Norah Thompson? Jack? Rose?"

"They're… I… they're all wrong." Remus didn't look up.

"James? Remus, do you like men or women? I have no clue, really." Sirius huffed "You're really confusing."

"I don't mean to be! I just… oh screw it." Remus look up, reached over and grabbed Sirius shoulders and pulled him forward, kissing him quickly. Sirius yelped, eyes bugging out of his head. What the hell!? Remus shut his eyes, blushing furiously. Sirius blinked, not really fighting to get away, but not really knowing what to do either. He put his hands on Remus chest, softly pushing him off. Remus broke away and squeaked.

"Oh no…" he said. He got up and ran off. Sirius didn't follow him.

OoOoOo

Back at the Gryffindor common rooms, James was leafing through Lycanthrope Romps and wondering where the quality behind young adult wizard fiction went.

"This is the worst novel ever. He's a man eating werewolf, and THAT'S the quality she falls in love with? What is this rubbish!?" James said to himself. Remus came bursting into the common rooms and James looked up, smiling "Remus! Stop running!" Remus looked over and stopped.

"James I really need to pack up and-"

"Shut up!" James demanded politely. "Thank you! Now, I'm so bored out of mind, that I started reading some terrible book about an idiotic romance. I need you to amuse me! Do that thing where you can charm your hair to turn ginger!"

"James, I'm very busy and would rather go up to the dorms." James took note of the tears in Remus' eyes and decided not to be a total jerk today.

"Remus… what's going on? You look like you just lost your best friend, but I'm right here!" James motioned to himself. "So that can't be possible."

"I may or may not have… snogged Sirius." Remus whispered. James grinned in delight.

"Finally! Really, it's about time! I'm so proud! Just, don't get cozy in front of me, really. I completely support the both of you on hundred and ten percent, but I don't want to see it. Gross. Anyway, how'd it go? He snog you back? Wait, ew. Don't tell me that. Let's talk about Lily."

"Wait… you're fine with that, James?"

"You are aware that Peter and I both have been anticipating the moment you two found out your very much gay for each other, right?" James shook his head. "You're so behind on the times. Anyway, this is no reason to cry at all. Unless… oh dear, did he reject you?"

"Not… exactly. He just kind of pushed me away and looked at me like I was insane for a moment, and then I ran away." Remus looked over at James in disbelief. "You really don't care?"

"Well, I care, but not in a bad way. You two would be kind of weird together, but it'd work. Now why the hell would you run away?" Remus shrugged.

"I felt… that I was no longer needed in the environment?"

James shook his head and flicked Remus on the forehead. "Stupid excuse, you should go back and kiss him again, to show you're serious."

"I don't think I should take that advice, James."

"Please, I'm the master at love advice."

"I think you aren't, James." Remus looked at him blankly. James flicked him again.

"Shut up! There's a simple solution for this. Just let me think." James turned around, holding his head in his hand. "I'm working on it…" the boy snapped his fingers and grinned.

"What? What is it?"

"The party! He'll be your date to the farewell party tonight! But you'll need something… not like what you're wearing at all." James motioned to Remus. "We need to change… all of this."

"You just motioned to all of me!"

"Exactly! I know what to do! A suit, no… pinstripes! Red and gold, too!"

Remus began to walk away "When you're done being a dumbass, I'll be up in the dorms."

"Okay, okay. I'll be serious here, serious for Sirius! Ha! Get it?" James got the biggest glare in the world of all glares. "Fine, fine! I'm not funny! But you're getting dressed up, come with me." James grabbed Remus' sleeve and dragged him upstairs.

**A/N: So basically, Peter is a fatty, Remus is PMSing because he's a werewolf and werewolves PMS, James is fabulous as usual, and Sirius is too thick to figure things out.**

**Yep, this is a good chapter.**


	9. Dating Boys

** A/N: Began: 2/17/13 End: **

** Oh lawdy I can't stop typing. It's an infectious disease. I'm really, truly excited for this story. Typing it is fun! I swear to god this will be the last third year chapter. Next chapter: Forth year madness! Which will be fun, because it's around forth year that hormones really start… er… I mean, don't read Lycanthrope Romps. Terrible book. **

** As always, if you see the fiction under the name of anyone that isn't going by the name Kasey Marie, rmhill10, Admin Sev, or SlytherinRamona, they are frauds, and they feel the wrath of Bruce Banner. And Tony Stark won't be there to help them! **

Sirius Black had decided that the deserted hallway he had been left in was the perfect place to sort everything out. He had come up with a list in his mind that 1) Remus had kissed him because 2) he was the chocolate in that 3) terrible metaphor. And this caused 4) Sirius to question his own thoughts and feels for 5) his best mate. The mental list looked a little something like this:

Kiss

Chocolate

Metaphor

Questions

Best Mate

Really, the list did nothing to help sort the abstract thoughts. It was like everything was jumping in his head and insane. Yet he didn't really stop the kiss, did he? At least, he didn't stop it for three or four seconds. For three or four seconds he sat in stunned disbelief, and his heart skipped a little. His toes got tingly and the rest of his body was hot, yet cool at the same time. He realized that was his first kiss. He'd only really kissed girls on the cheek before; this was full on lip-to-lip.

Oh god…

"My first kiss was with my best mate!?" he screamed. One of the portraits on the wall looked down at him and snorted, it was an old stuffy man in a powdered wig.

"Sounds like you got yourself in a right strange mess."

Sirius looked up at it and stuck out his lower lip. "Well I didn't see it coming…"

"But it came anyway, and really, you didn't see it coming? How thick are you, boy?" The portrait asked.

"I-I… oh shut up! You're nothing but paint and canvas!" Sirius flipped off the picture. "I just never pinned Remus down as someone who was irresistible to my charm and good looks, is all."

"Well, it _has_ to be that. Lord knows it wasn't you personality."

"Hey! Come say that to my face, you nasty git!" Sirius held up a fist. The portrait only laughed.

"Yes, boy. Hit a painting. That'll show the world."

Sirius growled, putting down his fist.

"I don't know what to do." Sirius pinched the bridge of his nose and looked down "Just- ugh. I'm very confused."

"Do you like him?" The painting asked.

"He's a very good fri-"

"Not what I asked, do you like him?"

"…More than I thought?"

The painting sighed, throwing up his hands. "What's the problem then?"

"The problem is that it's Remus." Sirius said, looking up. "And that scares me. It scares me very much."

"Love is quite scary, isn't it, dear boy?"

"Not love! Liking a lot…"

OoOoOo

"Not love! Liking a lot!" Remus protested.

"Fine, fine. Then you'll say 'Sirius Black, I like you a lot. Come with me to the stupid party and give me a chance.' Then he'll be so overcome by your words, he'll have to." James sat on his bed, reading a quidditch magazine and watching Remus go through his alarming number of suits and ties. It was a mystery what the messy haired boy did with all the fine garments.

"You know nothing about this kind of stuff." Remus held up a sleek maroon suit and a velvet black suit. "Which one?"

"Maroon, the velvet would eat you up; make your skin all blotchy." James barely looked up from his magazine. "Trust me on this. I'm a genius when it comes to finer wear."

"…how?"

"Don't ask questions. Try on the maroon."

Remus sighed and obeyed, trying on the suit. He looked down at himself and crinkled his nose.

"I look like a red string bean." He muttered. James got up and walked around the lycanthrope, looking him up and down.

"It's not that bad, a little tweaks here and there. That's all we really need." James pushed up his glasses. "Nothing I can't handle. I'll have you ready for this stupid party before you'll know it. And then you can dash into your Prince Charming's arms and the both of you will snog until the world burns over, and—"

"I beg of you James, stop there." Remus pleaded. James looked at the scars on Remus' face.

"How'd you really get those? I mean, now that you're basically an open book, I'm sure it's safe to tell the truth about them."

Remus looked down, touching his face. "Um… are you ready for surprise number two?"

"If it's another gay revelation, then just tell me a lie."

"It isn't! Ass…"

James smirked. "Kidding! Geez, you're like Lily on her time of the month. Extra feisty, how I like her."

"Your turn to shut up!" Remus shouted. James went back to fixing the suit up. "Okay… the scars… ever hear of the shrieking shack?"

"Yeah, down at Hogsmeade. Want to try and break in sometime, see if it's really all that haunted. What about it?" James walked over to his chest and pulled out a black tie.

"Well… it isn't haunted, I can tell you that. There happens to be a werewolf in there. A very volatile one, at that."

"How do you know? Ever met him?" James straightened the tie and stood back, whistling. "Wow, Remus. I must say. Even I would turn gay for you. Ahh! Don't you throw a book at me! I was kidding!"

"Right, well that werewolf and I are close… very close. Kind of… I am that werewolf close. Honestly, why are you taking this casually!?" Remus saw James nodding patiently while looking up at him, not freaking out completely.

"Because I couldn't give less of a damn about it, Lupin. Really, I mean it. I've always wanted a werewolf for a best mate." James picked up his magazine. "Really just thought you were some boring book head, at first. Finally something cool about you."

"I am plenty cool!"

"Ha, don't be stupid." James, the cool one, rolled his eyes.

"I'm not being stupid!"

OoOoOo

"I'm not being stupid, am I?" Sirius looked up at the painting. "I mean, it's not like he's unattractive. Looks kind of girly anyway. But I like girls too. That's the thing. It's like I like girls… and I also like Remus. Does that make any sense at all?"

The painting groaned. "Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!" it begged. "I swear to god, one more word about your school boy crush and I'll run out of this canvas and never speak to you again."

Sirius hummed, disappointed. "Well that's harsh." Sirius cupped his chin in his hand.

"Maybe, what I'm trying to say…"

Remus turned to James, back at the dorms. "I guess what I'm trying to say here is…"

Sirius blinked "Is that that stupid kiss meant way more than it should have to me…"

Remus, "That stupid boy means way more to me than he should."

Sirius, "I have no idea why I even pushed him away."

Remus, "I have no idea why I can't keep my mind off him."

Sirius looked over at the painting, "You know, if that makes any sense at all." But the man in the powdered wig stayed true to his threat, he was gone. "ASS!" Sirius yelled.

Remus blinked, straightening his tie one final time. James nodded, giving him thumbs up, and Remus smiled, walking out of the dorm to find Sirius Black.

OoOoOo

Sirius made his way back to the Gryffindor Common Rooms, only to run into a suit clad Remus Lupin.

"Remus, I got something to—"

"No wait me first." The Lycanthrope insisted. He swallowed, looking at Sirius. "I… um… Really like you and it would… can you…" Sirius leaned forward.

"Spit it out, already." He demanded.

"Oh dear… um, well, Sirius Black, go to the party with me!" he practically yelled in the rebels face. Sirius blinked, stepping back a little.

"Okay? Stop shouting…" he said calmly. Remus rubbed the back of his head.

"Really?"

"Yeah, I mean… you asked, right?" Remus laughed, beaming. That was surprisingly easy.

"Remus, is this a date?" Sirius asked.

"I suppose so…"

"Good." Sirius grabbed the lycanthrope's hand and walked into the common rooms with him. "I do ask you to wait though; I need to freshen up a bit."

"That's fine." Remus looked down at his hand. "Perfectly… perfect."

Remus waited down in the common room for Sirius, whistling a little. He was getting many weird stares from the other people, still prepping for the party. The werewolf just smiled, not really caring by that point. Sirius Black. On a date. With him. His mind racing, swimming in thoughts. This was incredible. It was unreal. James snuck up beside him.

"Well?" James said. Remus jumped out of his skin.

"God dammit, James! Why would you do that?" Remus glared at him. James smiled.

"Do what?"

"Just… nothing." Remus grumbled. "It's fine, great actually. Amazing. Now you can leave."

"Not so fast! Dinner is in five minutes; don't tell me you didn't think about taking your date to a feast."

Remus rolled his eyes. "Of course I thought about that. It's all in my head James, really. I know what I'm doing."

James scoffed. "Mr. I Never Dated here thinks he knows what he's doing." He looked over at a passing second year. "Crazy right?"

"You never dated either!"

"Yet I have a shocking amount of experience."

"You really don't!"

James ran a hand through his hair. "Says you. Do you have a gift?"

Remus stayed silent.

"Not even a flower? MERLIN!" James pulled a box of chocolates from his robe. Why he had it, was a mystery, as was how he managed to keep them from Remus. "You are lucky I pack for emergencies."

"James, what…"

"SILEINCE, DADDY IS WORKING!" James grabbed some red and yellow rose from party decorations and gave them to Remus, who kind of just stood there and let neurotic James plan this silly date.

"You might be the number one supporter of me and Sirius. It's a little weird." Remus smelled the flowers. "Are you even allowed to take these?"

"Daddy said silence." The black haired boy slapped Remus' hand down, not letting him stick his nose in the flowers "You'll wilt them, stop it."

"Stop calling yourself daddy!"

"Daddy can call himself whatever he wants to call himself!"

"Talking in third person is worse! You sound like the thickest idiot here, mainly because you ARE the thickest idiot here."

James grabbed Remus by the jack, prepared to strike; Remus tossed the flowers aside and clenched his fists. They were just about to fight when Sirius came down from the dorms.

"What…" Sirius looked between the two. Remus looked at him and pushed James off him, grabbing the flowers and chocolates and facing Sirius, laughing awkwardly. Sirius looked over at James, who grinned and waved. "…Are you idiots doing?"

"Practicing for a proforma-"

"Starting a fight clu-"

James and Remus glared at each other. Sirius sighed.

"Right, well when you're all done acting like monkeys. I'm hungry and technically on a date."

"Right! I guess we can eat and then… what the hell can we do on the campus?" Remus bit his lip. "Oh dear…"

Despite no one thinking this through at all, the two boys went down to the Great Hall (James wanted to come with, but they sat as far away from him as possible) and talked a lot during the feast.

"So about how long ago?" Sirius asked.

"How long ago what?" Remus put down his fork and raised a brow.

"How long ago did you realize you were totally and completely infatuated with my stunningly perfect face?" Sirius smirked. Remus snorted a little into his napkin and looked up.

"I-I'm sorry?" they were both now getting sidelong looks from their peers. Sirius took a sip of his pumpkin juice.

"A month ago? Year ago? When was it?"

"Uh… I suppose there was this one time months back, I was…" Remus decided not to tell the rebel about his daydream. "Looking… into your… eyes?"

"You're so romantic." Sirius deadpanned. "Nice cover up, jerk. Wanna sneak out of here? We already know Gryffindor won."

Remus looked around, he was well done with dinner anyway… he never snuck out of anything before. "Uh… okay…" Sneaking out with your date… alone… okay. Sirius took notice of his slight blush.

"You're cute when you're flustered. Come on, let's get out of here." Sirius slipped from his seat and darted out of the hall, Remus followed suit, if not slightly hesitantly.

OoOoOo

The two boys walked out of the castle hand in hand, and because everyone was at the feast, no one stopped them once. Sirius plopped on the ground never to the lake and motioned for Remus to do the same. Remus sat down beside him and looked sideways. There were no stars out, and the moon was covered by clouds. It was pretty dark out without any moonlight.

"Um… Siri?"

"Yeah?"

"When did you… start liking me?" Remus had to admit to himself, he was expecting this to be some elaborate prank set on by James and Sirius. Sirius sighed and turned to face the lycanthrope.

"I suppose after the kiss… I had a conversation with a, um, I guess he's a friend. Looked pretty mad talking to him, in retrospect. No one really talks to the portraits on the wall. But they make for okay company."

"Wait, what?"

"Ugh, read the book sometime. Anyway, I talked to a portrait, who gave me no advice whatsoever, which was good. Because then I figured it out for myself that I maybe kinda really like you?" Sirius looked up at Remus expectantly, as if to ask him if that made any sense at all. Remus nodded.

"So… in the end, suddenly kissing you like a thick-headed madman was good?"

"Pretty much."

Remus laughed shortly, and he was so worried… "I had a dream where you made out with me during breakfast." He blurted out. Sirius grinned.

"I knew your self-realization tale was better than something as stupid as staring deeply into my eyes! Really, that's quite a stupid sentiment. Eyes! Why is it they they're the windows to the soul? Maybe the soul doesn't have windows. I think that it's behind a locked door and you need the right person to unlock it, you know? Because a window, well, everything could see through that. And if everyone could see a soul, everyone would know the good and the bad in everyone." Sirius' eyes got wider as he talked, as if he was having some sort of philosophical breakthrough. "I mean, if there was a window to peoples souls, more people would see the awesome in you… I guess."

Remus blinked and smiled. "Yeah… I guess." The lycanthrope rested his head on the rebel's shoulder. "Hi."

"Hi."

"Is this really a date?"

"I think so."

"Okay."

Remus kissed Sirius' cheek softly and snuggled against him. Sirius looked down and blinked.

"Hold on though, we already know you're awesome…"

Remus shrugged. "I'm not all that great…"

"You're nice to just about everyone, the only one of us able to get on Lily's good side, secretly a werewolf, and even though you're always out sick, you still manage good grades. You're pretty awesome."

"…I suppose…"

"Anyway, we already know you're awesome, so why DO you like me? I'm nothing compared to you, just some privalleged pure blood who hates his life and feels the need to show authority how much it sucks."

"Well… maybe that's why I like you, Black." Remus said.

"Yeah, right. Now you can tell me the truth."

Remus sighed. "I'm sure why yet, but there's a list… it's in my head. Your hair is nice, and um… I like your sense of humor. I can laugh at all your jokes. And the way you're naturally easy to talk to. Like, um, I don't know… you just get me? There's a lot more, but I lost track. I guess it doesn't matter that much though, I just like you a lot, is all."

Sirius blushed a little. "My turn." He whispered.

"Your turn wha-" Sirius cut him off, locking lips with him. Remus blinked his eyes closed and kissed back.

**A/N: AWWWWWWWWWWWWWW MYYYYYYYYYYYYY GAWWWWWWWWWDDDDD.**

**So freaking cute! Wolfstar is cute. This entire chapter is… wow… piece of junk! IY I CAN'T DO DATE SCENES.**


	10. Learning Spells

** A/N: Began: 2/19/13 End:2/23/13**

** James is the biggest Wolfstar fanboy in the world. Nuff said. This chapter has no real plot, and I am sad for that. I really don't like this chapter until the end part, where the story actually furthers some. I guess I'm scared of this becoming too trashy a romance.  
**

** As always, if you see the fiction under the name of anyone that isn't going by the name Kasey Marie, rmhill10, Admin Sev, or SlytherinRamona, they are frauds, and my pencil will soon be in their eye.**

James and Peter both saw the two boys sneak out of the feast, so naturally they had to as well. If just to spy on Remus and Sirius. James was the more enthusiastic of the two, while Peter was—as usual—along for the ride.

"Why are so weirdly obsessed with them?" Peter asked, truly puzzled by it. James shifted, they were both behind a tree watching Remus and Sirius by the lake.

"I guess… I want them to win, you know? Realistically, how would I ever get a girl like Evans? I mean…" he sighed. "Who's to say I even had a chance to begin with? Honestly, maybe she is too good for me… but them. They should always have each other. You know? They're good for each other, friend or otherwise."

Peter did not understand. "Whatever…"

OoOoOo

It had been months since that first date, and now all the boys were the forth years. Over the summer, Sirius actually did his studying and read up on animagi.

"If we could turn into animals, we could maybe keep Remmy Company while he was a werewolf, and if he bit us, it wouldn't do anything to us. We're animals." Sirius said on the train car to Hogwarts. "It's foolproof."

"Except it's also dangerous…" Remus said. "Animagus magic is hard to perfect. Took McGonagall years. And there have been countless accidents, people being half animal. Some end up with scaly skin, it's quite frightening… I couldn't let you guys do that stuff for me."

"Nonsense, Moony." James said. He had begun to call Remus that. "Technically, you aren't making us do anything. You're just… um, an indirect cause of us learning how to change into animals. This is totally fine."

"It… in what world is that fine?"

Sirius grasped Remus hand and looked up at him, pouting. "Please? Please let us turn into giant animals so we can play with you in werewolf form. Pleaseeeeee!"

Remus looked down at the hand and scoffed, squeezing it. "I'll think about it, but I don't like it." He muttered. Sirius smiled and pressed his head against Remus' cheek.

"I'll give you chocolate. I'll be your chocolate servant." He pleaded. The Lycanthrope looked at the pouting face of Sirius and started to break.

"…Stop that."

"I'M JUST SHOWING MY AFFECTIONS!" Sirius shifted until he was practically on Remus, then wrapped his arms around his neck

"Exactly. I know what you're doing…" Remus looked away quickly. "Not going to work."

"Remmy…"

"NOT WORKING!"

"Remmy...Remmy…"

"Stop calling me that! It-It won't work."

"You bothered, Remmy?"

While Sirius teased Remus, the two other boys sat across from them in somewhat revulsion. They had been doing this all summer. At first, James fancied it as a good sign that the two were hitting it off quite well and that at least two of his friends could be happy. After a while it just became disgusting.

"Stop it, you two! You're over romancing it." James said. Just as he said that, Lily Evans came into the train car to see the scene.

"Bloody hell…" she muttered, seeing the werewolf and the rebel. "What did I just come to?" Remus' cheeks burned up. Technically, no one really knew that he and Sirius were in a relationship now. A few Gryffindor's managed to piece together that they went on a date the last night at school. But word didn't spread as much as the boys thought, and they managed to keep under the radar.

"Um… it's not what it looks like?" Sirius said. Remus glared.

"And just what does that mean!?"

Lily rolled her eyes and sat down next to Peter. "Right, well not like I love being in your company, I really hate it. But all the other cars are full."

"Lily is allowed to know…" Remus said quietly. Sirius snuggled against Remus.

"Oh quit moping, she doesn't deserve to know. Meanie."

James threw a chocolate wand at Sirius. "Don't talk about Evans like that!" he turned to Evans with wide eyes. "I'm so sorry about these clowns, mi belle."

"Piss off James, and don't ever speak to me in French again." Lily crossed her legs and tilted her head up.

"But you're so pretty…" James whispered. Remus grabbed the chocolate wand and ate it.

"Sirius, keep saying thick stuff. He'll throw more at us!"

"I do not say thick stuff! I'm at sharp as a… um… what's sharp?"

Lily huffed. "I hate this…"

OoOoOo

Twelve new Gryffindor students were sorted the first night back at Hogwarts. To the main boys of our delightful tale, this meant twelve new targets for spell practice. At least to three of them, it meant that. Remus Lupin was much too proud a werewolf to participate in such shenanigans. Well, that and he was scared of being kicked out constantly. Instead of tormenting those smaller than him, the noble (or scared, whichever way you look at it) boy made his way to the library. There he sat down at his favorite chair and opened up a book on animagus transformations. He was so lost in the book, he didn't even notice the red head forth year sitting who sat across from him.

"Remus?" Lily spoke up. Lupin looked up and blinked.

"Oh, hey Lilly, sorry about the train." He smiled and blushed slightly. "You know that thing when people make you act all stupid?"

"I-I suppose," Lily thought of James and instantly pushed him back. "Anyway, I'd like to talk to you about that… Sirius?"

"I guess so, weird isn't it?" Remus looked down. "Not that I'm complaining at all."

"It's just a very strange situation. I just always pinned him as one who was straight… have you ever thought about that?" Lily asked gently. Remus' smile disappeared.

"Of course I have, Lily. I've racked my head thinking about why. Maybe he isn't though, maybe he is gay." Lily rubbed her arm while Remus continued to speak. "Maybe he's something completely different and strange and new. He could just not have a label at all."

"I just…" Lily started, she paused. Not being able to finish the sentence.

"Just what?"

"I… Don't get hurt, okay?" she said. "I can't see you hurt, because of all you idiots, you're the best."

"He would never intentionally hurt me, Lily. I know you aren't fond of Sirius, but give him credit." Remus' voice stayed steady, but one could hear a hint of annoyance in his voice.

"You know I didn't mean it like that. I just worry for your sake." She managed.

"Yeah, you were real worried when you threatened to out my little secret, huh?" Remus said coolly. Lily winced.

"I only did that to make you and Sirius friends again! Without me, you wouldn't even be together."

"Oh for god's sake." Remus stood up. "Why do you care then, Lily?" Lily kept silent. Remus picked up his book bag and stuffed the book he was reading in it.

"Remus…"

"Save it."

"I just couldn't stand seeing you guys so sad and distant, okay? Please just be safe, I can't trust him."

Remus looked down at her, swinging his book bag around his shoulder. "Well, better start learning. Want to be my friend? Learn to accept Sirius as well. He's sticking around, and you don't have to. And another thing, give James a freaking chance." Remus walked out of the library, leaving Lily shocked in her seat.

Remus made his way out of the library and went looking for Sirius Black, who was floating a first year's books above her head in his own act of underclassmen torture when his was grabbed by the wrist.

"Hey, what the hell?" He looked over, seeing the scarred face of Remus.

"Come with me." He said simply, dragging the rebel to the Gryffindor common rooms.

"Eh, not that your crazy right now, but why?"

Remus lowered his voice. "We're going to snog, Sirius. We're going to snog so we can piss off Evans."

Sirius smirked and released the books from his spell, causing them to fall around the scared first year. "Why didn't you just say so?"

Up to the common room they went, and then to the dorm. Remus wrapped himself around Sirius forcefully and started kissing him. Sirius stood a little frozen while Remus gave him the most heated kisses he'd ever had. It was uncomfortable and weird. Sirius gritted his teeth and pushed Remus off while the lycanthrope tugged at the rebel's shirt, playing with the buttons.

"Stop… What are you doing?" Sirius slapped his hand away. "Stop this."

Remus retracted his hand only to snake it along Sirius' neck and smirk. "You're just too hot…" he purred. Sirius took a step back.

"Remus… what is this about?" the rebel asked. "You're not acting… Remus-like."

"Just a little experimentation, dear. God you're sexy…" Remus came on to him once again, landing a hand on his thigh. Sirius chuckled awkwardly

"No, No. Not that…" Sirius grabbed the hand and peeled it from him. "Not that at all…"

Remus got suddenly angry. "What is your problem? Am I not good enough for you? Not good looking enough?" the lycanthrope slumped forward while the rebel eyed him, puzzled. "…Not female enough?"

"Wait, what? Remmy, why would I want you to be a bird?" Sirius smiled and grasped his shoulder. "Why the hell would I want that?"

"I got to thinking, okay?" Remus shrugged off the hand and sat down on the bed. "I thought that before me, all you did was talk about girls. And I'm not a bird, so why even bother with me? Sirius… if you're dating me out of pity, just tell me flat out. I don't need your pity; I'm aware that I am very much different and prefer guys. If you don't then I'm not going to…" his voice caught.

Sirius laughed. "I'm sorry… what?"

"Hey! Don't laugh… I just put myself on the line! Ass!"

The rebel rolled his eyes and flopped down next to Remus. "I'm sorry; I'm still on the part where you think that you need to a bird in order for me to fancy you. Man, for top student in our class, you sure are pretty thick." The rebel wrapped his arm around Remus. "Honestly, this thing is not out of pity or anything. I genuinely would like to be with you, okay? Why else would I go through with this animagus thing?"

"Well, James and Peter are also doing it." Remus countered.

"Well yeah, they're friends. I'm also a friend, well, I say friend. I mean more than a friend. Well… I say more than a friend." Sirius grinned.

The lycanthrope laughed. "So… you don't like women?"

Sirius puffed his cheeks and shrugged. "They have nice skin… I don't Remus. I like you. You're intriguing, you know? The thing with birds." He clicked his tongue. "Easy to decipher for me. I don't see as much depth in them as I do in you. Which is probably unfair to women but, hey. I don't know what my mind thinks… or something."

"You don't know what your mind thinks… brilliant."

"Well it's a… an odd place up there?" Sirius nibbled on the inside of his cheek. "Beside the point, though, you intrigue me, Mr. Remus J Lupin. You're a curiosity, a puzzle. So quiet, yet so clever. And kind too. How does a person with as bad o' luck as yours stay so kind?"

Remus smiled, looking down. "Now you're just going on…"

"Yeah… but you like it, don't you?" Sirius moved closer.

Remus began. Sirius put a finger to his lips.

"Don't freaking jinx it, now." Remus nodded solemnly, Sirius moved ever so closer, removing his finger. Remus closed his eyes and raised his hand to Sirius' head, running it down his hair slowly. The rebel kissed Remus slowly, and then broke away.

"What was that about annoying Evans?" he whispered.

"She doesn't like you." The lycanthrope said, his eyes still closed.

"Pity." Sirius kissed him again.

OoOoOo

By November, Sirius and Remus could be seen publically holding hands, not much more than that. The occasional whisper in on another's ear might occur, or maybe a glance that lasted a second too long, but other than that, the only form of public affection seen between the two boys was hand holding. Everyone had assumed that they were just a couple now, and some had always thought they were a couple to begin with, and now they were just more open about it. Very few people cared enough to speak up about it, and those who did were knocked down a peg by James. Nothing could stop the questioning, sometimes even nasty looks in the hallways. And nothing could stop the whisper tail that led to the two boys, but it didn't matter much to them.

Lily watched as the two strode down to the lake, hand in hand. She had been enjoying a weekend out with Severus, and suddenly felt distracted. Severus followed her gaze.

"Look at those two clowns. I almost pity Lupin. How he puts up with Sirius is beyond me, and he probably doesn't even like him in that way. They'll never last." Sev muttered.

"Yeah. Sirius' motives are questionable." Lily said, taking a bite out of an apple. "But I've learned its best not to intrude much. Remus will learn his lesson the hard way." Lily too, was yet to trust the rebel. Now dear readers, Lily is not much a factor in this story, so I suppose I'll cut off her (quite stupid) conversation with Snape here and get back to the two boys, who were talking animagus transformations.

"So from what I read, transforming into an animagus is like self-transfiguration, but not really an actually… transfiguration… spell." Remus looked at Sirius, as perplexed as him. "And not a single book I've read has told me what that spell is, whether it's verbal, if a wand is used… nothing."

"Wait… it's like self-transfiguration, but not a transfiguration spell… blimey! The bloody hell does that even mean?" Sirius stuck a lower lip out and gave a lopsided frown, crinkling his nose. "Doesn't even make sense…"

"I know! I'm working on that making sense part." Remus sat down and dug into his book bag, pulling out the book. "It's a very complicated book to read. Makes no sense whatsoever. But it's the best I could find. It'd probably be better if we go to an actual animagus, like—"

"Wait! We know an animagus!" Sirius interrupted.

"Yeah, it's—"

"Hold on! I got this! Let me think!" Sirius rubbed his temple. "Almost got it…"

Remus sighed, looking up at him. "You done yet?"

"…Dumbledore?"

Remus shook his head, rolling his eyes. "McGonagall. She's done it in front of us."

"Oh yeah! She's a cat." Sirius gave a lopsided grin. "Well, why don't we just ask her? Say we're very interested in the concept of Animagi, find them terribly interesting."

"It doesn't sound too suspicious…" Remus murmured. He got up, brushing off his legs. "Alright, let's go." Remus grabbed the rebel's hand, and together they walked off. Sirius looked around somewhat, seeing only Lily and Snape out. Looking at Remus, he kissed his cheek quickly. Remus' eyes got wide and he turned red.

"Gotcha!" Sirius said. Remus glared at him.

"Oh shut up."

OoOoOo

Ms. McGonagall grabbed a book from her shelf and sat back down on at her desk, opening it to a certain page.

"Right here is where I learned how to transform. It's highly advanced magic, couldn't perfect it until I was well into my age, far after my schooling." She pointed a long, bony fingernail at the passage. "It's a wandless, verbal spell. And if you're particularly trained, you can think it in your head. Each animagus' animal reflects their personality in some way or another. I believe I turn into a cat because the cat is a highly clever animal." She allowed herself a smile.

"Quite the brain indeed, Ms. McGonagall, almost as beautiful as your eyes." Sirius mused, eyeing his professor. Remus nudged him hard in the ribcage.

"No flirting with teachers, git." He said. McGonagall chuckled a little, and then regained her composure.

"Mr. Lupin is quite right, as much as I appreciate your affections, I'm simply too old, Mr. Black."

"I'm simply complimenting! My affections lead elsewhere, my dear teacher." Sirius rubbed his ribcage. "Ow…"

"Yeah, complimenting. All these years you've been complimenting." Remus looked down at the book. "Can we borrow this, professor? It'd be very useful in our, uh, research."

The professor raised an eyebrow. "I will admit, Mr. Lupin. This is quite an odd situation. Why the sudden interest? I do know that you are quite a studious boy, always willing to learn…" she looked over at Sirius—currently playing around with the various things about her desk—and pursed her lips. "But, usually only you." She put gently.

Sirius looked up. "Well, you see professor…" he dropped the pocket sneakascope and compass. "Mr. Lupin has inspired me to learn more about different types of magic. I wish to be, um, as… learned as…him?"

Remus cringed, holding back laughter. That was one thick lie. "Wh-what he said." He stumbled out.

McGonagall looked between the two of them, still not fully convinced their intentions were pure, but willing to take a gamble, as she trusted Remus. "Very well boys, but it's very old."

After promising to take very good care of the book, the werewolf and the rebel left in victory. And that night, they met up with James and Peter in an abandoned classroom on the second floor.

"Keep down or Filch will catch us." James whispered, entering the room. "Now where's that book of yours, Remus?"

Remus took the book out of his bag and opened it up; the boys exchanged grins and started to read. Though after a while of reading, the grins started to fade away to perplexed frowns.

"This is more confusing than the last book…" Remus said. "I don't even know how to pronounce the incantation."

"You don't even need to, Moony. What about us non-lycanthropes." James said. Peter took out a bag of gummies and began eating his confusion away. Sirius still concentrated hard on the book.

"…Zoo…anthro Metamorph…metmorphaphotosus?" the rebel bit his lip. "No, that can't be right."

"This looks like in a whole different language." James grabbed Peter's bag of gummies. "Don't get the pages sticky!"

"It's Greek." Remus said after a while. "Zoo or zoa is Greek for animal. Anthro is a root for human, meta means beyond, morph means shape, phot is… oh what is phot… light! That's a strange combo. Usually roots of a spell can teach you what it does. But animal human beyond shape light just sounds like gibberish. Let's see… you take a form of an animal, retaining your human mind, go beyond your usually shape, but what's light?

"No matter! What do we need to do to properly cast it?" Sirius asked.

"Well… simplify your mind first. Don't think about anything but what the spell. Let your primitive mind set in."

"Easy for Sirius, his mind is already the most primitive of us all."

"Hey!"

"Um next, you say the spell; absolutely concentrate on what you're saying, like a verbal curse. Funny, usually incantations are in Latin." Remus looked at the spell again. "Made by a Greek wizard, possibly. I've seen a few Greek spells but this one really takes the cake."

"On with it, Moony!" James complained.

"Eh, right. Next you just turn into an animal. Can't choose what you turn into. It's completely random." Reus bit his lip. "Before we even dare try this, we should master nonverbal wandless magic."

"Got any books on it, brainiac?"

Remus grinned. "Plenty!"

**A/N: There are no good references on exactly how to become an animagus. So I made up my own method. It's not the best, but ah well. Also, I'm quite scared of adding too much makeout scenes. I don't want this to become too trashy, it's a coming of age story, not some werewolf romance. Well… it's both, but I don't want it to all just be romance, you know? Bah, conflicted. **


	11. Loving Eyeballs

** A/N: Began: 2/23/13 End: 2/28/13**

**For a short chapter, this took a long time to complete. Once again, it's my fear of getting too mushy. That's gross girl things. James said. **

**I'm constantly comparing this ship to my other ship, Tony Stark and Bruce Banner (They're Avenger, for you normies). I always imagine Sirius as Tony and Remus as Bruce. Because Remus kind of hates himself for what he is, much like Brucey, who is the Hulk. And Tony is a self-centered playboy who always has a witty comeback, which is how I think of Sirius. See where I get this weird stuff? Wow, I wanna write some Science Bros now… **

** See a theme? Eyeballs.**

** As always, if you see the fiction under the name of anyone that isn't going by the name Kasey Marie, rmhill10, Admin Sev, or SlytherinRamona, they are frauds, and my iron suit will kick their ass.**

21 Grimmwauld Place had been filled with people in what was a very long time. Sirius was glad to host the Order, glad to finally have people around while he hid away. He was especially glad to meet up again with Remus, who was also a kind face to see. Someone he was most surprised to ever see in the setting of his grim and lonely home was Professor McGonagall. She looked about the kitchen, not really looking too pleased by it. It was an odd picture, the esteemed and proper professor in a dusty mess of a house. Sirius was happy to see one of his favorite teachers, nonetheless. Black shook hands with the professor, giving a boyish smirk on his now beaten down features.

"Professor, you still have the most enchanting eyes, I see?" he asked flirtatiously. Remus sat at the table, feeling this was so terribly familiar. McGonagall looked down at Remus and gave him a small look of apology before looking back up at Sirius.

"Why Mr. Black, surely you have another pair of eyes to look into." She gave the tiniest hint of a smile and turned away to talk to Molly, who was busy turning up a good dinner for the Order. Sirius looked over at Remus, not smiling or smirking, just staring.

"Merlin, do I."

Remus looked away, feeling his face go hot. "Oh shut up, Sirius." His face betrayed him, giving away to grinning. "You're such a flirt."

OoOoOo

All of fourth year was used to learn how to turn into animals. While Remus did most of the reading, the other boys took what he read and tried to use it in whatever way they could. They all cheered when Peter's front teeth grew to resemble a rat's. Then they realized they had no idea how to fix that.

"It adds charm?" James offered. Peter deadpanned the glasses wearing boy.

Around the middle of the year, Remus went walking on the grounds with Sirius, hoping the two of them could piece together a way to learn how to learn that complex spell. Sirius groaned, slumping against a tree.

"I barely know how to read, how can I possibly learn this stupid spell?"

"You don't have to." Remus said. He straightened his tie.

"Do too."

"Why?"

The questioned lingered for a little while. Why was it so important to Sirius to learn this spell? It was a very advanced form of transfiguration. Surprisingly, it was hard to simplify your mind and become animalistic. The book suggested that the spell caster should think of an emotion, not even a real condensed thought. They should open up their right brain, the creative and abstract half. This was proving to be very difficult for everyone.

"I don't really know why." Sirius began. "It started out as just comforting you, while you were a werewolf. It doesn't feel like it's about that anymore, though. Know what I mean?"

"Well, what's it about then?" Remus leaned against the opposite side of the tree.

"Well… that's the thing. I can't explain it. It's like I need to prove myself… no, never mind, it isn't that. It's more of… there are you, okay? And I look at you, and I want to do it for you, but not because of you anymore. For you. I want to turn into an animal for you. It makes no sense in my head, and makes even less sense out loud. It used to be because of you, because of you condition, but not anymore. It's almost like I can't even think to have you if I can't do you the measly favor of learning to be an animagus."

Remus looked over from around the tree. "You really mean that?"

"Shit, I guess I do…"

"Sirius Black..." Remus looked down and bit his lip.

"Oh Merlin, I insulted you! I didn't mean condition, I meant… thing. And it used to be because…" Sirius turned around to face Remus, only to see the werewolf looked up from the ground, staring right at the rebel. "…Eyeballs…"

Remus laughed. "Wait, what?" he shook his head. "I'm fine, Siri. You didn't insult me at all."

"You have pretty eyes."

"Thank you, Sirius."

"What were you going to say?"

Remus pressed his cheek against the bark of the tree trunk "What do you mean?"

"You said my name, what were you about to say?" Sirius mirrored the lycanthrope's actions, hugging the tree.

Remus sighed, blushing fiercely. "Well, um… I was going to say that I guess it could be possible… oh dear you threw me off with eyeballs."

"Spit it out man!"

"I think I love you."

The world stopped. The world always will stop for someone whenever these words are uttered to them. The three powerful words, filled with an emotion that can save a life, or break hearts. They have such a power to them that can only be matched by hate. For love and hate are but two emotions very much similar but so very different. And both have the way of stopping a world for but one person.

Sirius Black forgot how to breathe for a split second, and his heart thumped out of his chest. Every ounce of sweat in his body went to his palms, and his stomach dropped in is stomach. Never, not even by his own parents, has that ever been said to him. He blinked, his mouth wanting to move, to speak, but it was dry. His tongue was stuck in a tongue tying curse, he was sure of it. It took him that split second for him to compose himself.

"I think I love you too." He sputtered out.

"Good."

"Good?"

"Yeah." Remus smirked, seeing exactly how his words affected Sirius, and feeling he told the truth. "Also, I think I found your animalistic emotion."

"Hey!" Sirius was affronted. "That almost sounded dirty… I actually like it, never mind."

Remus snorted and kissed his cheek quickly "Gotcha."

"You'll always have me." The rebel said.

"You know those moments when you feel like you could make the brightest, happiest patronus the wizarding world has ever seen?" Remus lifted himself from the tree, taking Sirius' hand.

"I think I do now."

OoOoOo

"Well that's a load of absolute cheese." James muttered. Remus looked exasperated.

"You are one to talk, Potter! What about that one valentine you sent Evans? 'Your eyes are emeralds shinning in a pool of milk, your hair cascades like a waterfall made of fire, I want to shag you later, do you accept?'" the lycanthrope did grand hand gestures, if just to prove his point.

"Aw, shut up!" James threw his goat stomach thing at Remus.

"No roughhousing, boys." Slughorn called back at his desk. James and Remus were partners in Potions class, and had conveniently chosen the seats in the back of class to effectively communicate without prying ears. Sirius and Peter were working at the front of the class, well out of ear shot. The rebel turned around and raised an eyebrow at Remus, who held up the goat stomach. Sirius looked at it blankly while James and Remus doubled over from silent laughter. Lily, who was working on her potion with Snape near Sirius and Peter, huffed.

"If you four took your grades seriously…" she muttered. Sirius stuck his tongue out.

"We take it seriously enough!" the rebel protested. Not too long after he said that, his and Peter cauldron burst purple flames. The professor flicked his wand lazily to fix it. Lily snorted.

Remus grinned over at James. "He's cute when he's stupid, no?"

"You are the biggest female man I've ever met." James said back, stirring their brew. Remus didn't seem to hear him, as he added the beetles while starring at Sirius from behind.

"But it was nice, extremely nice." Remus continued. He was talking to James about yesterday, when Sirius told him he thought he loved him. "He thinks he loves me." He repeated. James bit his tongue to keep back all the things he wanted to say, just to make Remus shut up.

"That's very nice, Moony. Now how about that animagi spell?"

"Um, I think Sirius can attempt it now. We think that you should focus on a basic emotion to find that whole primitive thought you need to focus. What's more primitive than emotions, yeah?" Remus still stared, distracted.

"Yeah, right. You know what is primitive? Blatantly starring at his ass for all of us to see." James smirked. Remus turned red and looked back down at his text book.

"U-Uh, add in that goat thing." He stammered.

Meanwhile, Sirius was discussing a very important matter with Peter. Peter did not really fancy such a matter; in fact he fancied talking this subject with Sirius about as much as James fancied talking about Sirius with Remus, if that made a lick of sense. But alas, Peter was stuck chopping up some plant he did not know the name of, listening to Sirius drone on.

"I just would never know how to go public with… it." He said in a low voice. Peter grunted to show he heard. "It's not official at all, everyone assumes it, but nobody knows much. And it's not the most normal thing in the world, as you can imagine. We all know what happened to those two chicks, the one's that came out, saying they were together. People went mad. You'd think that some of these muggle-borns, who've been called freaks by their old school mates because of their freak magic surges, you'd think that they'd be pretty accepting. They aren't the most normal either, hell, not even muggle-borns, none of us are normal. Imagine what would happen if muggles thought we existed again…"

"Yeah." Peter said, cutting off the rant.

Sirius continued, not noticing Peter at this point. "Think about that. Opening up would be simply crazy. But I know he wants to. Why shouldn't he want to? He should be quite proud of me." Sirius took this time to do a small hair flip. "But I don't want him to get hurt, or me to get hurt for that matter. No one should get hurt. But someone is bound to be simply if we come out with it."

"Yeah, I bet." Peter threw whatever he was chopping into the cauldron.

"You know what? I'm going to ask him, and we'll decide. And if he wants to come out… awesome! I'll be more than happy to say that Remus Lupin is a boy I love… I think." The rebel added goose liver. "It could just be his eyeballs. Like fifteen percent his eyeballs. Yeah."

"Oh please shut up." Peter said under his breath.

**A/N: Eyeballs. **


	12. Bullying Gays (Alt Title: Don't do it)

** A/N: Began: 3/1/13 End: 3/6/13**

**This should be a longer chapter. I got a pretty solid idea on what I want to write about. Kind of glad I chose to write a gay-fic. Homosexuality is a huge topic right now, and what I hate about some writers, is they focus on the pretty side of romance, but the best romances have an ugly side. Think about Shakespeare a moment, Romeo and Juliet had the most effed up romance ever, but they're the symbols of love. And I guess Sirius and Remus' ugly side would be homophobia. I'm just glad to write and talk about such a controversial topic, really. So this chapter will deal with homophobia and probably other chapters too. If anything is taking offensively, I promise it isn't meant to be. I personally find nothing wrong with being gay, but I ass a writer, I write the truth. The truth is not many people are as opened minded, unfortunately.**

** Warning! Harsh and hateful language. Also… Slytherins.**

** As always, if you see the fiction under the name of anyone that isn't going by the name Kasey Marie, rmhill10, Admin Sev, or SlytherinRamona, they are frauds, and I will turn into a green monster and smash everything they love.**

Now fifth year student Remus looked down at the blank piece of parchment, the quill in his hand quivering ever-so-slightly. He had no idea what to write home. Should he talk about James? Should he write about some old adventure courtesy of Hogwarts? Should he… should he talk about Sirius?

Should he talk about how he snogged Sirius?

Should he talk about how much he liked his hair?

Dare he scrawl on about how he was in lover, he thought?

Could he dare talk about exactly how gay he might be?

Oh dear…

His parents were accepting. He was a werewolf, and they still loved him properly. They ignored the fact that he turned into some bloodthirsty animal by the full moon. Even went far enough to say that they loved the son behind the wolf, to be able to be called their son made Remus Lupin thankful for his parents. They were honestly the best he could ever have, and he knew his mother cried about what he was, but she never once blamed him.

But would he be given the same treatment if he said he liked boys? That witches never really suited his fancy? He'd see other guys swoon over their soft lips, the way their school uniform fit around their curves. He never understood the big whoop. Honestly, he preferred the stubble on Sirius' chin, as he tried and failed to grow a proper beard. Or the muscular structure of a guy. Someday, he hoped that the rebel would have the same abdominal muscles as the lead beater on the Chudley Cannons, not that Remus even watched Quidditch. Not for the sport, anyway, it was more because of the beater.

Sirius looked over at Remus' blank paper; they were in the common room. "Your paper is blank." He observed

"You can see, Sirius. Good job." Remus said. Sirius huffed and flicked the lycanthrope's nose.

"Why are you starring at a blank paper?"

"It's a letter to my mum and dad."

"I hope they're as riveted by it as you are, seeing as there's nothing on it." Sirius took the quill, sat in front of Remus, and started scribbling on the parchment, ignoring the protests or Remus "Dear mum and dad, this is Sirius Black. Technically, you aren't my mum and dad. But your actual son has decided to send you a blank note; I hope this should be a small comfort to ward his big disappointment."

"Give that here!" Remus yanked the quill from him. "I wasn't planning on sending them a blank note; just don't know what to write about."

"Do they know about me?" Sirius asked, the innocent look on his face told Remus he wasn't just being an arse.

"Well… not yet. No one really does, save for our inner circle and maybe Lily." Remus said thoughtfully. "Wouldn't really know how to say it out loud anyway."

"It really shouldn't even matter anyway, right?" Sirius took back the quill and doodled some on the parchment. "It's not like they're the ones snogging me."

Remus laughed a little. "I really hope not. They wouldn't know how to do it right."

"What do you mean do it right?"

"You know that thing I do with my—"

"Point taken!" Sirius interrupted, blushing. Remus looked around.

"Maybe it's not saying it so much as just doing it." Remus mused. "We already hold hands some, no riots have been started. What if I were to just…" the lycanthrope bent forward, that one small movement made him feel almost naked in a crowd. He was this close to exposing it all, the secret, to a bunch of students. Would any notice? Would any care? He figured it wouldn't matter anyway. Sirius smiled, leaning forward as well.

"Yeah, just kind of…" the rebel closed his eyes as his lips met with Remus'. No one screamed from fright, a few people looked up and were visibly shocked. Some looked a little disgusted. Most really didn't even care. It was a quick kiss anyway, no more than a second. Remus broke away first. One of the shocked people could be heard easily as he muttered something about them finally doing it. Those who weren't keen on the picture looked down and pretended not to see. Sirius opened his eyes and looked around.

"Any objections? No? Huh… did thy even see?"

"I dunno." Remus said, standing up. "If they did, then it's settled. Word might get out some. But if these people don't care, who's to say that others will?"

Sirius stood up as well, a little grateful for the reaction. He smirked and took Remus' hand, now feeling comfortable doing so. They failed to notice Lily in the corner, looking up from her book. She wasn't sure what to make of it. Public displays of affection weren't uncommon here, but Sirius and Remus were different. She forced herself to accept the fact that Remus was mature enough to make his own decisions, stupid as she thought them. But even a tiny kiss between the two would rustle the worst out of people. James and his gang had built up popularity, and this would travel like wild fire, even though people pretended to not be interested, Lily knew better. This would possibly be all everyone will talk about for a while.

OoOoOo

In time, it was officially public that Remus and Sirius were going steady. At first, it was okay. Not much drama stirred up, and most people figured it anyway. Sirius and Remus were now even more inseparable, if that be possible. At first, the boys thought they had nothing to fear. They both figured that their reputation as being part of James' gang would prevent too much of an outcry, they thought. They thought, they thought, they thought…

"Hey look, Fairy and the fag!" screamed Rosier. Snape's gang of Slytherins laughed, and a few other students joined in. Sirius bit his lip and pulled his hand away from Remus. Remus glared at them all. They were in the hallways

"What of it, pizza face?" he responded, surprising himself. When did he get a bitter tongue? Rosier stepped forward, smirking. Sirius still watched on, not sure what to do.

"Tell us all how you love to take it up the ass."

"I don't believe that's any of your business."

Rosier sneered in disgust. "You and your blood traitor boyfriend constantly walking around, snogging in public, nobody wants to see that! You disgust me."

A crowd how developed around the two, they gasped at the harsh words. Remus twitched a little and Sirius stood frozen. "I disgust you? Who and what I love disgusts you? Like you have a high throne to look at me like shit? I have an idea; tell us all how you've been unable to pleasure Florence. I've heard the rumors, afraid to put out, eh? Sirius, please say something!"

Evan Rosier's ears turned ruby red. He looked as though he was about to pull out his wand when Professor McGonagall walked by. Sirius still stood still, giving Remus nothing more than an apologetic look.

"And just what is happening here?" she asked. Rosier looked at the teacher and snorted. Remus began to leave.

"Nothing, Professor. I was just leaving." Sirius watched Remus go, and it took him a few seconds before remembering that he was supposed to follow or something. He stalked after the werewolf, who looked genuinely pissed. Sirius was just somewhat shocked.

"Remus… slow down." Sirius said once they got outside. Remus ignored him, making way for the forest. "Remus!" he said again. The werewolf wheeled around.

"_What_" he hissed. Sirius stepped back. Remus glared, pulling out his wand, shaking. "You pulled away your hand! They… they said that and you just… pulled away your hand! I had to defend for the both of us, and all you did was stand there!"

"I—I, Remus…"

"Spit it out!"

"Put the wand down…" Sirius looked at it and quickly looked away. "I got scared."

"You a Gryffindor or not? Goddammit, Sirius, I needed you!" Remus lowered his wand, still shaking; now crying a little.

"You're being unfair! It was out of the blue, I couldn't think!"

"Th—that's no excuse… no excuse to let them say that to me!" Remus turned to walk away.

"Remus… please."

"Eat shit, Sirius." Remus wiped his eyes and continued walking.

"Shit…" Sirius pulled at his hair and kicked a nearby stump. "Shit!" he started running after the other boy.

Remus was furious, and he didn't know who he was furious at. That Slytherin gang dealt a low blow, and no one stepped in for him. Sirius stood blankly like some idiotic monkey. He was forced to stand up for himself, by himself. Usually he couldn't care less, but this time he had someone; or though he did. He was supposed to have Sirius, he was supposed be protected. He never, never once expected Sirius to be so spineless. He had given him no more than a look. He turned left, hearing footsteps behind him.

"Remus…"

"Go away!"

Sirius stopped, panting a little. The lycanthrope could sure walk fast. "No, okay? I'm not leaving you! I'm not going to just go, because even though I sure as hell didn't prove it back there, you can't shake me off that easy." Remus stopped walking, not sure why, Sirius continues. "Remus, stop for a moment and let's talk about this."

"What's there to talk about?" Remus tilted his head up.

"Let's start with I'm sorry that I froze. And I'm sorry you had to hear that, that sucked. But Remus, you were amazing back there, you stood up for yourself, and I hate it that… that I wasn't able to, but you did it." Sirius walked toward him.

"But I did it alone. I'm not alone though, but I did it alone."

"I fucked up, okay?" Sirius was being less and less okay with all emotional conversations. "I can't say anything but I fucked up."

"You think you love me, Sirius Black? You think you care for me and can protect me? Then don't let go! Never, ever let go. Because I can't stand ever being alone again and I can't stand ever being isolated and… fuck…" Remus sniffed and bent down pulling his knees to his chest and sitting down.

"You'll never be isolated. Never again, okay? Never again will I freeze. Shit, Remmy, you need proof I love you or something?" Sirius sat down next to him, but didn't dare actually touch him.

"Well… it'd sure as hell be nice." Remus looked at him from the corner of his eye, he looked hurt. Remus instantly regretting saying that.

"Well… fine! I'll prove it to you." The rebel stood up, dropping his bag. He stood in front of Remus and started taking off his tie.

"Sirius… what the fu-"

"Just…" he tossed the tie to the side and closed his eyes, animalistic… basic emotions… like he practiced. "_Zooanthro metmorphaphotosus_!" he yelled. Suddenly, his body shank down a bit, and his hair grew even longer. Fur sprouted up all over his body, and his eyes turned yellow. His fingers shrank down into paws and he grew a tail. Sirius stood on all fours, now a black shaggy dog, and howled.

"Siri…" Remus breathed. He did it. He was first of them all to do it. Sirius Black turned himself into an animal and a dog too. How? How had he managed it when James could only manage odd antler nubs he needed to hide under his hair? The dog looked up and wagged its tail, tilting his head. Remus cautiously held his hand out, lowering his knees and crossing his legs. The dog nuzzled his head under the hand and growled a little. Remus laughed and grinned in delight. "YOU'RE A FUCKING DOG!"

The dog transformed back into Sirius, who sat in front of Remus, fully clothed again. "Just found out yesterday I could do that, I was going to tell you… My basic thought was just what I thought of you."

Remus beamed. "Oh, Sirius!" he flung himself on the rebel, much to the rebel's protests- who fell back into the dirt- and kissed him. Sirius kissed back, wrapping his arms around the werewolf's waist. Remus ran his hands through the rebel's hair, running his tongue along the other boy's lips. Sirius opened his mouth, allowing entry. They stayed like that for a good long time, at least until a centaur came by and shooed them from the forest, telling them to find a new place to do such acts. Sirius and Remus ran, laughing like idiots.

"Hey Moony!" James yelled, seeing the two run to the castle. "….Moony! Sirius!" James wasn't used to being completely ignored. "DAMMIT LUPIN, DAMMIT BLACK! I GOT NEWS!"

The other boys just ignored him, pushing each other and yelling. James slumped forward, slightly jealous. How dare Remus take away his best friend? He sighed, he hadn't realized how much he missed Sirius, who now only spent time with Remus. Peter looked over at James.

"You still got me!" Pettigrew piped.

"Oh just shut up."

OoOoOo

Remus looked down at his blank parchment, breathing a little and picking up his quill, he began to write.

_Dear Mom and Dad,_

_ Fifth year has been amazing, my transformations are steadily less and less painful. I can deal with them, I suppose. James, Sirius and Peter are still around, shocking right? You'd think they tired of me, well, I know what you're saying right now, mum. I am the best Remus there can be, and all my friends will see that in me. Yeah, yeah, you drilled that one in my head. But I'm still surprised, each day it's kind of odd, knowing there are people who like, even love me._

_ On that note, I think you should know something about Sirius, but a letter isn't the best means of communication for this news, so the boys and I are coming to the house over Christmas Vacation! Oh, please say that'll be alright. Dad, James likes the Chudley Cannons too, bond with him over that! Please, please PLEASE! _

_ I've done well in my studies, messed up a potion only once! Slughorn is proud. I'm still top of my class in Defense against the Dark Arts. Professor reckons I ought to be able to teach the class myself, mad huh? They barely let me into the school, but teaching may be fun…_

_ I hope this owl gets to you well! _

_ Your son,_

_Remus_

He looked it over, decided it would suffice, and mailed it off in the owlry. Sirius caught up with him and grabbed his hand, and they started off for their first class of the day.

"Lookie here! It's Queenie and the Butt-lover." Rosier said, cornering them in the second floor corridor. Remus began to retaliate, but Sirius held his hand out in front of him.

"I got this." He said, walking up to Rosier. He smiled "Rosier, tell me something, do you have something on your face?"

"What? What are you even talking about, you faggo-" BAM! Sirius punched Rosier's face, making him go down. "Next time, it's going up your ass!" Sirius snarled.

"Bet you like that, eh?" Rosier spat. Sirius grabbed Remus by the hand and started running.

"My hero!" Remus said in an overly high pitched voice.

"Run like hell, Remmy! Time to get our arses out of here!"

**A/N: YAY FOR HAPPY ENDING! Next chapter up sooner!**


	13. Breaking Trust

** A/N: Began: 3/7/13 End: 3/10/13**

** Remus and Sirius. Remus. And. Sirius. **

** All day, every day, I ship them forever.**

** Been in the dumps lately, kind of have severe mood shitness going on and I'm in a constant state of melancholy. So, it looks like this chapter will be a little sad as well. Which is okay, considering I left it off with James being a jealous butt.**

**Longer A/N later.**

Harry peeked into the office of Remus Lupin, who was hunched over something lying on his desk. He appeared to be weeping a little. It was confusing, seeing his own teacher show any real emotion, most teachers kept a professional front in front of students, to look upon a teacher showing any emotion besides that was almost surreal.

"Professor?" Harry stepped into the office, not saying much more. Remus looked up, looking his usual tired and haggard self. He quickly blinked away any tears threatening to fall and smiled

"Ah, Harry! I simply must show you a preview of tomorrow's lesson. I've found a Red Cap." The professor stood, completely ignoring the fact that he'd been a near emotional wreck not two seconds ago. Harry wanted to push the subject, and as Remus rushed out of the office to obtain his creature, Harry looked over at the picture, seeing to young boys holding each other at the waist. One looked a lot like Sirius Black; the other was no doubt Remus. Why Remus would cry over criminals was beyond Harry, or why the moving picture seemed to have them getting extremely cozy, Picture Sirius going as far as giving Picture Remus a quick peck on the cheek, Picture Remus blushing like mad.

"Who-What?" Potter managed before looking up, seeing Remus place a giant tank with a small impish creature right on top to the desk, covering the picture.

OoOoOo

_Click!_

The photographer at Hogsmeade took a picture of Sirius and Remus; Remus paid him three Knuts and looked at the finished photo.

"Sirius, your hair is dreadful in this." Remus said. Sirius shook his head, making it even messier, just to spite Remus. "Oh stop it! We're in public."

"You're so fussy, and easy to rile up." Sirius grinned, shaking out Remus' own hair with his hand. "Come on! It's how the rock stars wear it."

"I don't even listen to rock." The werewolf muttered. He grabbed Sirius' hand and made his way toward Zonkos. "Come on, we still need to check off James and Peter."

"They're easy Christmas presents. We can get James a mirror and Peter a weight loss plan." Sirius cracked. "Ow! I get hit for that one, but not for pelting snowballs at Snivellus?"

"As a prefect, I am aware I maybe should have given more of a damn about that, but I simply didn't on the count that Snape is a dirty git who turns a blind eye whenever his gang pokes fun at us." Remus stated simply. "However, neither Peter nor James did anything particularly wrong this week, and I consider them good friends. I shall protect their honor."

"An honorable speech indeed, Mr. Lupin." Sirius squeezed his hand, resting his head on Remus' shoulder.

"I'm a very honorable werewolf, Mr. Black." Remus peeked into the window at Zonkos. "It's packed. I think I might just give James some gum and a toothpick."

"Of all the items in the world, why would you choose those?" Sirius inquired.

"They're the few things in my trunk I'm willing to part with." Remus grinned sheepishly. "Have I ever told you that you're the nicest guy I ever dated?"

"Well first off, I'm the only guy you've ever dated." Sirius shivered, leaning closer to Remus in the cold. "Secondly, that's really, really sad, considering I'm not really all that nice a boy."

Remus bit his lip, smirking. "You're right, you're very naughty."

"Remus Lupin, making an attempt at flirting? Someone call the Daily Prophet!" The rebel let go of his hand, mocking surprise. "He isn't the clueless wolf boy we all thought he was!"

The werewolf rolled his eyes and made his way into Zonkos. "Shut up; let's find something cool enough for the likes of James Potter." Sirius followed after and they met the crowd.

Somehow they managed to weave through the people crowded in the tiny job to get to the actual merchandise. Sirius looked at screaming ink bottles while Remus' eyes paused on jinxed parchment. He picked it up, looking at it. They used a pretty basic charm on the parchment to make it a joke one and it could be reversed or skewed in some way. Remus remembered James constantly going on about how he was someday going to make a map of Hogwarts.

"We'll make it have all the secret passageways, and I'll give it to the kid I'll have with Evans, and we're going to name him…. Umm… Harold! Yeah, Harold!" James once said.

"Harold, do you want him to be hexed in school?" Sirius had asked in response. Remus smiled at the thought and took a bulk load of the parchment. He paid for his merchandise, grabbed Sirius, and out they were.

"You got him parchment? You don't know your friends at all, Moony!" Sirius wrapped himself around Remus' arm as they walked out. "Who wants parchment for Christmas?"

"It won't be just parchment; we're going to make it into a map of some sort. You know his whole give a map to his son fantasy? Weird one, if you ask me, but so is James." Remus pulled the parchment out of the bag and examined it. "I can warp some of the charms, make it real cool."

"It's still parchment." Sirius yawned. "Where is James anyway? Haven't seen him since our last animagus lessons."

"Scheming of ways to get Evans. What's so great about birds anyway?" Remus looked at the rebel and smirked. "You're cute enough."

"Cute enough? I'm he cutest, Mr. Lupin! I'm wounded, hurt even!"

"Oh hush, Mr. Black." Lupin put the parchment away and decided on getting Peter a bag of candy. It was all he ever needed anyway. Sirius made their way back to the castle and went up to their dorms. Sirius sat down at his four posters. Remus stashed away the gifts, catching Sirius looking at him like he was a snack. He licked his lips and smiled, sitting on the rebel's lap and kissing him. Sirius put his hand to the lycanthrope's cheek, smiling into the kiss. They broke away after a moment.

"You're very friendly today." Sirius said. "Is a full moon close or something?"

Remus sneered "There you go again, blaming my mood changes on the moon!" he said. "You're thick."

"I get by on my good looks?"

"I hope you don't starve." Remus said casually. Sirius swatted him.

"Alright, alright! Now you can't sit on me anymore! Bad Remus!"

"You can't shoo me off!" Remus pushed Sirius back, so he landed on his bed, Remus scooted down, on top of Sirius.

"Ah, get off me Remmy!" Sirius rolled his eyes. "I don't wanna wrestle you right now!"

"And just who said anything about wrestling, sweetie." Remus chuckled kissing Sirius again. At that very moment, James came bursting into the room

((The Author of this story would like to apologize for the inconvenience of cock-blocking))

Remus looked up and ever-so-casually rolled off Sirius on to the floor. "James!" he said, getting up.

"Ew! You guys weren't about to—"James began

"Oh Merlin no!"

"No! Not at all, no!"

James pushed up is glasses, frowning "Whatever, find a broom closets, assholes. I don't want to see that."

"James, will you be down for the animagus lesson?" Remus asked, composing himself. James snorted.

"What's the damn point, the mate I was doing it for has been too preoccupied with his boyfriend." James muttered, kicking open his trunk.

"Excuse me, James?" Sirius asked, getting off his bed.

"You heard me, while you two have been in La-La Land, I've been stuck defending the both of you, dealing with Peter, and being the third wheel the few times we DO hang out." James pulled out his broomstick. "Why bother learning magic to help a friend when they don't even act like a friend anymore?"

Remus could not believe what he was hearing, and was very much offended. "Say the one who practically willed this relationship to happen in the first place!"

"Yeah, well maybe I'm not too sure about it!" James yelled back. Remus glowered at him while James glared back.

"James, we don't have any time for a temper tantrum on your part." Said an exasperated Sirius.

"You don't have time for me ever!" James shot back.

"Well the world doesn't revolve around you!" the rebel growled, clenching his fists.

"Oh yeah, I forgot, Remus is practically your entire freaking world. So very romantic." James said in a flat voice. "It isn't even just me, Sirius! You've abandoned your grades, you've made no effort to look into the news that's been about. This Volde-whatever guy, he's slowly rising to power, and your cousin Bellatrix is on his side. So is the rest of the Black family, for that matter, this guy preaches pure-born superiority like it's his daily prayer. Have you once considered the fact that you have a brother thinking of joining that idiot? Have you considered that you have a brother?!"

Sirius' face went dark, and Remus looked at James like he was a mad man. "Don't mention Regulus… EVER!" the Rebel snapped.

"He's your family, Snake or not, and he's probably the first to sign up, how does that NOT concern you? Oh yeah, you've been bust with your boyfriend! Too busy to care about your friends or family!"

"HE'S NO FAMILY OF MINE!" Sirius snarled. "YOU SHUT UP, JAMES POTTER!"

"WHERE I COME FROM, IF YOU'RE A BROTHER BY BLOOD, YOU'RE A BROTHER TILL THE END!" James shot back. "I've been talking to Evans more, not that you would even notice! And you know what she said; her own sister hates her guts just because she's a witch! Calls her a freak and she never writes! Just because of one small difference between the two. I know you and Regulus have way bigger differences, but shit, I'd hate to be disowned like Evans was by his sister!" James looked at Remus. "I get it; you two are in love or something. And it's cute, adorable even. But Remus, please say you're just as worried as I am about this."

Remus looked between the two a moment. "James holds a good point…" he said gently.

"Oh, so you want me to befriend that snake!? That asshole? My whole life, he's been the special one to my parents; he's the heir, the one they didn't screw up! The way he walks around, like he's something important, because he hates muggles just like Mommy!" Sirius motioned with his arms. "That fucker doesn't need me as his brother, he's humiliated of me!"

"You sound like Lily's sister." James said quietly. "Yeah, your parents are prats, I get it. They favorite him, but never did he ask to be favored."

"LIKE YOU EVEN KNOW, JAMES!" Sirius stormed out of the room. "FUCK YOU!"

Remus glared at James. "The hell was that about?"

"That was me being sick of him ignoring the fact that he's got family. Lily… she said not all Slytherins are bad, okay? Maybe she's right." James looked down. "And I'm sick of seeing Sirius neglect the fact that there're more people in his life than just you. I read the papers; war is inevitable if this Voldy guy isn't stopped. Maybe we can keep the good Snakes away from him; maybe we can keep him from getting a following."

"Oh shut up, James. What is this really about? Stop trying to cover it up with fucking Regulus." Remus crossed his arms "What is this shit really about?"

"Absolutely nothing!" James stormed out. Remus sighed and pressed the bridge of his nose between two fingers.

"I hate people." He whined, walking out to find Sirius.

OoOoOo

After the big blowup, Sirius became more subdued, the holidays inched closer and closer, and James apologized for his words. Everyone slowly made up with everyone, and James successfully became a stag during on particular animagus lesson. Soon after, Peter suddenly turned himself into a rat. Prongs, Padfoot, Moony, and Wormtail were born. By December, a full moon came around, and Remus had the best transformation of his life, with friends. But there was still the nagging feeling of regret every time Sirius withdrew from him. There came times when Sirius didn't accept his kisses.

"Not now, Remmy." He would always sigh. Remus knew it was because of what James said about Regulus. None of them really gave him much thought until now. Remus had to agree with some of what James said, not all Slytherins were bad, and Regulus could be a pretty cool guy, he wouldn't know. He just didn't come up in conversation.

All four boys were sitting around (another thing that changed, Sirius began to offer to just hang around James and Peter more again) under their favorite tree, the snow yet to fall, Sirius eating an apple, Remus doing homework, James playing with one of his many caught snitches, Peter was eating.

"Lily agreed to have a butterbeer with me strictly as friends. How about that, guys?" James asked, smirking.

"Prongs and Lily, strictly friends. That's totally working in your favor." Remus murmured, not looking up from his work.

"Not everyone can be as lucky as you, Moony." James said almost bitterly. There were still some harsh feelings of jealousy.

"I need to get something done." Sirius said suddenly, standing up. "See you all at dinner or something."

"I can come with you." Remus offered, looking up. Sirius turned his back to the others and started toward the castle.

"That's okay." He said hurriedly. Remus frowned.

"Okay…"

"See you around, love you." Sirius said, again in a hurried tone. It didn't feel as sincere as it usually did.

"You too." Remus said, going back to his assignment. James looked at Remus quizzically.

"Did you two fight or something?"

"No, we never got in any kind of row, not recently. He's just… distant right now. I dunno." Remus sighed. "Probably nothing, right?"

"Well, he isn't as distant with me anymore." James said, tossing the snitch. "Weird."

"Yeah…"

Later, after dinner, Remus was able to catch the rebel in the common rooms. He sat on the armrest of Sirius' chair smiling.

"Hey."

"Oh hey."

"Sirius… what's up?"

Sirius looked at him "What do you mean?" he said, getting defensive.

"Just been acting off, is all. Anything wrong?" the werewolf said gently.

"I'm fine Remmy."

"You don't act it…" Remus said quietly. Sirius sighed.

"I've just been thinking, okay? I've been thinking about us."

"What about us?"

"…"

"Sirius?"

"I just don't know if I want to…. Dammit." Sirius looked down.

Remus raised an eyebrow. "What are you saying?"

"I—I…" Sirius winced, he had to. "I don't want to be together anymore, okay? We're friends; we've always been friends and not a single thing more. And we should go back to that. It… It isn't working."

"You… You what?" Remus felt like he'd been punched in the gut.

"I want to break up." Sirius whispered.

Remus' world went dark for a second. "Oh…"

"I'm sorry…"

"You said you loved me."

"I do! No, wait, I don't! No, no! I do, but… we're on the brink of something. Heard Regulus wants to join Voldemort. James was right. I need to maybe help keep him from that… he's a prat, but he's my brother." Sirius bit his lip.

"You said you loved me…" Remus whispered, blinking back a tear.

"You're my biggest distraction, Mr. Lupin, a very cute and amazing distraction. Right now, I need no distractions."

"Please leave me alone." Remus got up. "Please just leave me alone." He said again, walking away.

"Remmy…" Sirius felt like absolute crap, but didn't follow after him. He had to do it, right?

**A/N: I'm the worst person ever, because I posted this out on Remus Lupin's birthday. I'm so sorry, Remmy! He did it for him, and that was selfish and cruel, but next chapter will be happier? Maybe, as happy as I can make it after that. **


	14. Screaming Things

** A/N: Began: 3/13/13 End: 3/14/13**

** Alright! I got a new Spotify playlist, a date to prom, and some fried chicken from Popeye's! My mood has increased considerably, upside to that is that I'm happy. The downside is I now see the error of my ways. SIRIUS WHY DID YOU HAVE TO BREAK UP WITH REMUS!? But it's too late. Don't worry though; this WILL have a happy ending. Also, as soon as they get out of school, the time lapses will be less frequent. In fact, I'll try to get at least three sixth year chapters, five seventh year chapters, and then a bunch of chapters of after Hogwarts. THIS IS GOING TO BE A LONG FIC! YAY! **

**Shorter A/N later.**

He said he loved him. He said he would never shake him off. He said that Remus would always have him. He said, he said, he said… it meant nothing. Or did it? In the end, what did it mean? Why, it meant that the thing Remus was dreading all along, every day, happened. He dreaded the moment that Sirius said would never happen. Because Remus knew, all along he knew if would happen. But he wished it never did.

Remus found himself in the dorm room; he was face down on his four poster bed. He forgot how he got here or for how long. But he was there, and his face felt sticky. Tears, those must be tears. Here was a young man who, even though he was sickly, could easily turn into a giant raging wolf and rip your throat out if he wanted to. He was crying, and over another boy.

_Pathetic…_ He thought. Getting up off the bed, he took a shaky breath and pinched the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes. _Get it together, Lupin._

While Remus brushed away his tears, Sirius decided to be a rebel full of angst. He took a walk on a cloudy winter day. He then realized thoughts full of angst like '_the weather in Britain is always cloudy' _and _'will I ever find my sunny day?_' Truly, the rebel was so full of angst; he could have burst out into a depressing song at any given moment. Finding his way back to the castle, the angst-filled Sirius Black decided to do what he set out to do in the first place, find his brother and confront him.

It was in Slughorn's classroom, where Regulus Black was found, talking with fellow Slytherins. The boy looked up, saw his brother, glared, and turned away. Sirius swallowed his pride and walked up to his brother. He decided to come right out with it.

"Don't join Voldemort."

Reg snorted. "And if I do?"

"I will not hesitate to kill you, if we ever come to battle. I'll be on the opposite side. And after hearing what this Voldemort has to say, battle may as well be eminent." Sirius didn't care if he sounded crazy. He had just made a choice that hurt him and Remus. He lost his Scars, he lost his Moony. He lost Mr. Lupin. Damn if he didn't do the thing he set out to do when he decided to lose what he believed to be his first love.

"Piss off, Sirius." Reg muttered, turning back to his friends. Sirius grabbed him and wheeled him around.

"I know we aren't the closest of brothers…"

Reg laughed bitterly. "We were never close to begin with. While I upheld the family honor, you didn't even dare look at me, or come out and play. You never did anything for me. Piss off if you think you can suddenly just start to care."

Sirius felt he had been kicked in the face for the second time that day. "I beg of you… Don't join him! His theories may sound good at first, but dammit, they will kill us wizards off!"

"They'll uphold the dignity of us wizards! Voldemort intends to restore us to our rightful place, reigning over muggles!"

"We must hide away!"

"We must fight oppression!"

"We aren't being oppressed! We're completely fine living in secret; do you know how scary things will get? Muggles will die; muggle-born wizards and witches will be killed! Innocent creatures will die!" Sirius fought shrilly.

"Muggles are nothing to us!" Reg hissed.

"You're just the same! Kissing our parent's arses as usual!"

"And you're still the same idiot who refuses to be proud of his bloodline!" Reg shot back.

"Yeah, I should be so proud of a crazy aunt, years of family oppressors, and dark hidden half-blood secrets burned out of our family tree!" Sirius glared. "Don't join Voldemort… I forbid it!"

"You can't forbid shit!" Reg stormed out of the classroom.

OoOoOo

"Remus…" James knocked on the door of the dorm room again. Old music (James suspected the Beatles) was playing loudly from there. "Remus, open the door. I'm worried."

"Go away; I'm listening to his favorite song." Remus whispered dramatically. James didn't hear it. As soon as Remus first pulled his face off his pillow, he saw the records just lying there. He remembered this one song from the record, Helter Skelter. Within five minutes he was listening to the song repeatedly and had his face stuffed in his pillow again. He had no more fucks to give on his dignity.

"Remus, open this door." James demanded.

"Why doesn't the idiot just use—"

"_Alohamora_!" James shouted, unlocking the door.

"Now he's got it." Remus mumbled, head still in pillow.

"Shit! What is this!?" James asked. "What are you doing!? Why are you… for god's sake, what?" Remus was rarely seen making too much emotion.

"Go away."

"Get your damn head outta that pillow and look at me."

"I only want to see his eyes, but his eyes are now off limits."

James looked at the werewolf. "Are you kidding me? That line?" suddenly it clicked in the thick boy's brain. "Wait a second… Who is he?"

"Take a wild guess, dumbass, and pass me some chocolate." Remus snapped, dragging his head from the pillow and hold his hand out."

"What… he didn't…" James was still working on it.

"Yeah, he really, really did."

James waved over chocolate with his wand, Remus grabbed it. "But why?"

Remus huffed, narrowing his eyes. His scars looked more pronounced on his tear streaked face, and he looked almost feral with his hair in a nat. "You! You had to get him worried over Reg! This bullshit reason you hid behind instead of saying you were just jealous is the reason he broke up with me, you stupid git!" Remus was standing up now. "I just lost Sirius and it's your damn fault, Potter! Wanna go ruin another thing now? Why don't you go off and tell Peter he's thick, and then punch him in the stomach! How about you poison a teacher now? You seem to have the knack for ruining things anyway!"

"I—I didn't…" James face turned red, and he stood up as well. "My fault!? Here's a weird coincidence; Sirius Black was perfectly straight before you snogged him! Maybe he's tired of you! Maybe he realized he doesn't want you!"

"He can turn into a bloody dog because of me!"

"And they say I'm the one with the ego! Do you hear yourself? Sirius did this for me, he's this because of me, and he's that for me! Maybe Sirius is fucking tired of doing stuff for you!"

"YOU AREN'T HELPING!" Remus screamed "AND YOUR ARGUMENTS ARE COMING OUT OF NOWHERE!"

"YOU'RE BLAMING ME ON YOUR OWN RUBBISH PROBLEMS AND I AM SORRY YOU MUST CONFRONT THEM!" James screamed back.

Remus started walking out. "APOLOGY FUCKING ACCEPTED! AND I AM SORRY YOU SUCK AND RUINED MY RELATIONSHIP!"

"YOU CAN'T JUST APOLOGIZE LIKE THAT!" James followed him out.

"I CAN AND I DID!"

Peter watched them both from the steps. "I don't want to deal with this." He said to himself before walking to the portrait hole and out of the common rooms.

"We're—WE'RE FALLING APART!" James said hopelessly. "We're falling apart." He said, quietly. Remus stopped walking.

"Yeah, we are." He said curtly.

"We are all just falling apart, and I hate it. I chose you all. I chose you all to be my friends; we're the marauders of magic. The rebels of the school, we fought no one and everyone… and we're falling apart. And it might be my fault, or yours or Sirius', shit, could be Peter's. But—we're falling apart."

"So you said," Remus turned around and folded his arms.

"I don't want to… I can't let us. I'm… I'm going to fix this."

"As you should." Remus remembered the chocolate in his hand and took a bite. The lycanthrope looked at James expectantly. "I'm sorry I blamed all my shit problems on you."

"I'm sorry I brought up Reg and made Sirius moody." James mumbled.

"He needs to be dealt with…"

"But not by Sirius." James finished. Remus felt tears swimming around his eyes again. If only James stopped saying that name. James opened up his arms. "…hug?" Remus collapsed into the stag-boy's embrace. Just then, Lily walked by.

James, do you think that tomorrow you could—hello, what's going on?" she took notice of Remus, who was now sobbing again.

"He's got some man troubles." James said. For the only time in his life, James didn't immediately go crazy over the fact that Lily Evans was speaking to him. Even the most selfish of people can be good friends when they want to be.

"Oh dear, is it Sirius?"

"Y-yes." Remus choked out. "He just b-broke up with m-me and he's t-trying to talk to Regulus."

"Eh, I don't understand…"

"It's personal stuff, Lils. I'll catch up with you later, okay?" James walked Remus back into the dorms. "Come on, you don't want people to see you like this, Moony. Stop crying now, I'll see what I can do…"

Lily stared in disbelief. James Potter just blew her off to care for a friend. What the hell? This never happened. Lily was impressed… and insulted. She may have been just a little jealous, but mostly impressed. Just when she thought he was the most insolent, selfish, annoying boy on the planet, he does something kind of cool and really touching.

"It's a trap or something." She muttered, hoping to explain her own confusion. "He's bribed Remus to get under my skin and it's a trap." She didn't really believe that though. She walked over to the girl's dorms, muttering about evil schemes. Just as she closed the door on her dorm, Sirius came bursting into the portrait hole.

"REMMY I MADE A STUPID MISTAKE AND I GIVE UP ON EVER CONVINCING REG OF CONVERTING TO THE GOOD SIDE." He screamed while running to the dorm. Many Gryffindors, who saw the whole fiasco with James and Remus outside the dorms, glared. They weren't so much secretly shipping the two boys together as just pissed off that their peace and quiet was being rudely disturbed once again. Nonetheless, Sirius continued yelling at the top of his lungs. Remus heard him from the dorm and ran out.

"SIRIUS BLACK, I HATE YOU, HATE YOU, HATE YOU!" Remus screamed back, though he still continued to smash into the other boy, and kiss the other boy, and laugh with the other boy. James came out of the room as well.

"So… you guys literally were broken up for… four hours. Wow, that has to be a record. What the hell has this school come to anyway?" James shook his head. "You two are so… gay."

"I'll never leave you again, baby I promise!"

"I hate you so much! I want pity chocolate; and JAMES WE ARE AWARE OF OUR GAY." Remus went back to Sirius, purring. "I hate you, I love you forever…"

"SO GAY!" James stormed into the room again. "SO FREAKING GAY!"

OoOoOo

"This book is rubbish, and no pictures!" Sirius whined, the adult rebel was laying his head on ex-professor Lupin's lap, reading a book. They were in Black's hidden home "Completely wrong when it comes to werewolves!"

"Just because you shag one doesn't mean you're an expert, Padfoot." Remus was reading the paper. "I'll have you know that Weird Werewolf Witticisms and Witchcraft  is the best book in my library."

"Your library sucks, then. Is it true you shed during the winter?"

Remus sighed. "Yes, Sirius. Everything in that book is true."

"That's disgusting!" Sirius smirked. "You shed in the winter!"

Remus dropped the paper of Sirius' head and huffed. "Oh shut up, it's not as humiliating as... hmmm... a four hour long breakup?"

"WE SAID WE WOULD NEVER SPEAK OF THAT!" Sirius yelled through the paper. "...LITTLE SHIT."

"Little shit who is one of the few people out there willing to snog you." Remus said evenly, kissing Sirius through the paper.

"STILL A LITTLE SHIT." Sirius batted away Remus. "I don't want kisses now. Get this thing off me!"

**A/N: I HAVE NO IDEA**

**THE THEME OF THIS CHAPTER IS SCREAMING**

**ALL REVIEWS MUST BE POSTED IN CAPS.**


	15. Whispering Nothings

** A/N: Began: 3/15/13 End: 3/21/13**

** I only type quality wor- *begins to laugh* I JUST CAN'T. CAN'T. SAY. THAT. STRAIGHT.**

** So instead of typing a GOOD science lab report, I typed out this for you. My teacher saw my rubbish report and asked me why my work was worse than usual. Do I tell him that Remus and Sirius are more important? Bahh, they never understand. **

** I'll tell you what is quality work, my 11/River one shot fiction I just posted. Doctor Who fans should really read that stuff, I took a different writing style for it, and I hope you can appreciate that.**

**Better A/N later.**

"Mum!" Remus ran over and hugged his mother, he had just gotten home and spotted her in the kitchen, they had just begun Christmas break. "Happy Christmas!"

"Oh sweetie, how has Hogwarts been? Where are your friends?" she hugged him back, smiling him "Oh, I've missed you!"

"I missed you too, mummy. They're all bringing in the bags. Sirius insisted he carry my things. Idiot, he'll throw his back out!"

Mrs. Lupin kissed her son's forehead, age set in on the woman's face, but she still had beautiful lively eyes that seemed to almost sing. Her lips were tinted red with lipstick, which stained Remus' head. She chuckled, rubbing it off. "Silly Sirius indeed. I hope the boys like spotted dick!"

The boy in Remus chuckled at the name, and Mrs. Lupin threw him a dirty look. "Sorry mum…" _heh, spotted dick, _he thought.

"Now O'Neil is promising. A wise trade on the Cannon's end, now that's rare!" James cracked, walking with Mr. Lupin into the kitchen.

"O'Neil is fast, but Tennant is faster. I think because of Tennant, the Scots will finally be in it. That and the raw power of their beaters will make them power houses."

"I love a good beater like the rest of them, but it comes down to the chasers, really." James looked up. "Hey, Mrs. L."

"Hello, um, James right? You look like a Potter."

"Potter I am, miss! Quite a proud heritage, Remus takes his beauty from his mum, I see."

"James, stop it." Remus said flatly. Mrs. Lupin giggled.

"I knew Remus was beautiful, but I never knew he took after me. Thank you, James."

"Mom, stop it!" Remus said. "I'm not beautiful. Don't call me beautiful."

"So, should we call you pretty?" Sirius asked, walking into the kitchen looking quite tired. The kitchen occupants all laughed. Remus turned red.

"I should've never suggested this, bad idea. Everyone go back home." He said, pouting. Sirius smirked

"Remus loves us! Just can't accept the fact that he's so pretty." James said. "Too bad Peter couldn't be here, his mum wanted him home for Christmas."

"Why, she should have just come here with him!" Mrs. Remus replied, wiping her hands on her apron and pulling out her wand, charming a knife to cut vegetables. "We always have enough room!"

"The Pettigrew's have their own thing going on, they like tradition." Sirius sat at the counter, Remus sat next to him on top the counter, much to the annoyance of his mother, and James sat at the table with Mr. Lupin, discussing quidditch in great detail. Sirius looked over and chuckled every time James said 'Mr. Lupin', it was funny hearing the werewolf's father being addressed as so when that was Sirius' personal pet name for Remus. Remus still looked red as he snickered with his boyfriend.

"What are you two learning about; it's like watching telepathy over there." Mrs. Lupin asked. Sirius shrugged and smiled innocently.

"Nothing, let's go up to your room, Remus. Come on, James." Sirius got up walked into the house.

"See ya later, mom." Remus said. James waved to Mr. Lupin and all three boys made their way up to Remus Lupin's room. It wasn't too fancy, the paint was a forest green and it had dark blue carpeting. The bed was relatively plain, and the posters all seemed to be of wolves, there were also various pictures of the Marauders, Sirius dominating most of them. His bookshelf was full of nothing but books on various monsters, there were an alarming number of werewolf books. On his dresser, Remus had weird little trinkets, as well as the bracelet Sirius gave him.

Sirius flopped down on the bed, Remus flopped down next to him and the third-wheel James sat on the floor.

"I'm going to give my present to you all now." Remus said, sitting up. "Because it's pretty freaking awesome."

"What is it? A gift for all of us? That's lame." James said glumly. He wanted a present all to himself.

"You're lame, Prongs." Remus took something out of his coat pocket, a piece of parchment. He taped his wand against it. "I solemnly swear I am up to no good." He breathed. Slowly, ink formed on the page. James, interested, got up and looked over at the parchment.

"Messrs. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs are proud to present…" James stopped short. "This isn't a—"

"Oh yes it is." Remus looked up at James; Sirius looked down at it, shaking his head.

"You're bloody brilliant."

"IT ISN'T, THOUGH, IS IT?" James yelled.

"It very much is, James." Remus said evenly, opening the map. It revealed the inside of Hogwarts, all the secret entrances, and little moving dots. "See? We can see who stayed behind for Christmas, all the rooms, we can see everything. The map never lies."

"It's so beautiful." James whispered, tearing up.

"And when you marry Lily and move on in life, you can have it James. Give it to your kid, Harold or something." Remus held the map out for the messy haired boy to take.

"YOU'RE THE BEST FRIEND I COULD EVER HAVE!" James wailed. This map was the key to their entire mischief making. "How did you know where to put what!?"

"I'm not a complete idiot; I just walked around school a lot. Plus the entrances we all know, and the whole name thing was just a simple charm. And look, to erase any evidence, tap your wand on it like so and say 'mischief managed'"

The map slowly dissipated into nothing but blank parchment. Sirius still muttered on how brilliant it was. James was crying buckets at his newfound opportunities for trouble making. If only Peter had been there. Remus grinned, quite proud of himself.

Dinner came and gone, and the boys all piled into Remus' room to sleep. Mr. Lupin conjured up two sleeping bags, but after he left, Sirius climbed into the bed with Remus. James looked at them both and made a face.

"No funny business tonight, idiots. I would like to go to sleep with some innocence to spare." He said, taking off his glasses.

"We won't be too loud." Sirius winked and snuggled against the werewolf, who laughed shortly.

"We won't do anything at all!" he corrected. "Just sleeping."

Sirius kissed Remus' cheek. "You're all red, Mr. Lupin, do try to keep from heating up."

Remus bit the inside of his cheek to keep from grinning too widely. "You're in my bed, Mr. Black. I simply can't help it."

"Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!" James said, wrapping his pillow around his ears. The other two boys laughed. Soon after James went to sleep, they started talking in low whispers.

"Hi."

"Hi."

"I dunno if you've noticed or not, but I'm sleeping in Remus Lupin's bed."

"Oh shut up! I think James liked the map."

"It was amazing, you're amazing."

"…thanks?"

"You're also cute when you're flustered."

_Thwack!_

"Quiet, you hairy old mutt!"

"Ow! You hurt me too much!"

"Hey, Sirius…"

"Yeah?"

"How are we going to tell my mum and dad?"

"…"

"…"

"…The best we can."

"…"  
"Did you fall asleep?"

"No…. thinking."

"Well don't… whatever happens will happen."

"Okay, goodnight Mr. Black."

"Goodnight Mr. Lupin."

OoOoOo

In the morning, Remus woke up to find Sirius on the floor again. He must have moved when the werewolf fell asleep. Remus rolled over to the edge of his bed and ran his fingers through his tangled mat for hair. Sirius woke up, flinching.

"Merlin!" he raised a hand to his head. "What the hell, Remus?"

"Just… being romantic."

"Pulling out my hair by its scalp is romantic?" Sirius sat up and rubbed his head.

Remus giggled in spite of him. "Not my fault your hair is rubbish, you ever comb it?"

"Why would I need to do that? Usually, people don't touch my head." Sirius grumbled.

Remus slid of the bed and wrapped his arms around Sirius' neck. "Some puppy is grumpy today. Have a bad dream or something."

"Actually it was excellent, but I got awoken by romantic hair pulling," Sirius yawned. "What's for grub?"

"I dunno, just woke up." Remus looked at James, still asleep. "We should throw cold water over him."

"We should throw cold water over him." Sirius quickly agreed.

Five minutes late, Mrs. Lupin heard a terrible scream from the living room and ran up to see what it was, there she saw two boys laughing their pants off while a third gave them the look of death soaking wet. Mrs. Lupin crossed her arms.

"Remus! Control yourself!"

"I-I'm so sorry m-mum. It's just s-so funny!" Remus crumpled to the floor, still laughing. Mrs. Lupin shook her head and ran out to get James a towel.

"I will kill you both in your sleep…" James whispered. The other two boys only laughed even more. After James got his towel, the three boys went outside to play some qudditch.

"So how should we come out, James?" Sirius asked. "How does one tell Remus' parents that I would like to stick my—"

"STOP TALKING!" James insisted, throwing him the quaffle. "You can't make jokes like that. Just don't, man. I say just come out with it. Why should the fact that you're gay invade your entire life?"

"James is right." Remus said, blocking Sirius from hitting the tree they used as a goal post. "It should probably be something simply casually said. I don't want to be the kind of couple who treats the fact that they're gay like it's a huge freaking conflict to like men, and that because of it, their life is a struggle. They always talk about being gay, the problems they have being gay, the people who don't like them being gay… just be freaking gay."

"That's the most you've said ever, I barely even listened." Sirius replied.

"I have no idea why I keep you around, sometimes, Black." Remus chucked the ball at him. "The puppy never listens."

Sirius stuck his tongue out and caught the ball, while Remus feigned sadness. Sirius rolled his eyes and pouted.

"Forgive the puppy?" Sirius floated up to the other boy. Remus looked away. Sirius moved closer to his face. "Pleaseee?"

"Oh god, they're flirting, someone make it stop." James said flatly. Remus smiled and hugged Sirius head.

"Okay, puppy!" Remus ruffled Sirius' hair a little. "Only because of your ugly face, and I'm the only one who would want you."

"I like my face!" Sirius said. "It's not ugly… James, is this the face of ugliness?"

"Oh look, you're aware of my existence. Let's get back to the game." James held out his arms for the quaffle.

"Fine, fine…"

After another hour, the boys made their way back to the Lupin residence. Mrs. Lupin greeted them with some hot chocolate and cookies. James went off to shower before dinner. Remus decided it was as good a time as ever.

"Hey mom, dad," he began. "Can we talk?" They were in the living room, Mrs. And Mr. Lupin were reading and the rebel and the werewolf were fiddling with the radio. Sirius turned down the radio, looking at Remus.

"I guess so," Mrs. Lupin put down her book. "Anything wrong, Remmy?" Mr. Lupin followed suit and the two parents looked down at Remus expectantly. Sirius felt suddenly uncomfortable.

"I can go upstairs if you want…"

"No, no. I guess it involves you too." Remus smiled at the rebel. "You see… the thing is… I kind of…"

"Out with it, boy." Mr. Lupin said. He was a gruff man and had little time for shenanigans. Sirius patted the werewolves hand two times.

"Mom, dad, I'm gay." Remus said simply. Sirius looked at Mr. and Mrs. Lupin. They're faces were unreadable. Time froze again for a second; much like the time Remus first told Sirius he loved him. Only this time, it seemed tense.

"Well Sirius, we've known for a while now." Mrs. Lupin said. "You always loved playing cooking, had your own frilly apron and tea cozies and everything!"

"I don't care all that much, son… just don't bring any boys home to… do whatever two guys do…" Mr. Lupin said. "I mean, I would feel the same way about girls, of course."

"You also played maid and call yourself mommy. It was so cute!" Mrs. Lupin squealed. Remus turned red and the rebel looked at him, grinning.

"Mommy?"

"Mom! You can stop now," Remus looked down to hide his face. "There's more…"

"Merlin, more!? What more can there be?" Mr. Lupin looked at him. "Don't tell me you're also a troll."

Remus laughed. "No, dad… I just happen to have a boyfriend, is all." Remus beamed at the confused faces of his parents.

"Is it James?" Mrs. Lupin leaned forward. "He's such a nice boy."

"Better not be a Slytherin or a Hufflepuff. Son, I'll disown you if it's a Hufflepuff!" Mr. Lupin said seriously.

"Oh stop it! Just because one Hufflepuff way back snitched on you for playing a joke, you hold the worst of grudges." Mrs. Lupin swatted her husband. "My mom is a Hufflepuff."

"I don't like your mother much either." Mr. Lupin said under his breath.

"Mom, dad! It's not James." Remus was laughing pretty hard now. His parents seemed more interested in what house he was dating over what gender he was dating. Of course these were the same people who readily allowed a werewolf in their home. He wondered why he was worried in the first place. They already accepted probably the hardest thing in the world, that once a month he turned all hairy and blood thirsty. This could be the most normal thing about Remus. "It isn't James. It's uh…" he looked over at the rebel

Sirius waved and smiled. "Hi." Mrs. Lupin squealed.

"This one! He's so handsome, with his shaggy hair and the smirk and—"

"Then why don't you date him, mom?" Remus groaned, falling back. Mr. Lupin eyed Sirius seriously.

"What's your last name again, son?" the man asked.

Sirius swallowed, eyes going wide. "Bl-Black, its Black sir."

The man grunted. "The so-called 'honorable' house?"

"Well if you must know, I think I live with a bunch of stupid prats who never gave two damns about me, and I would much rather sleep among wolves than among my family. They're all right cowards and power greedy gits."

Remus looked over at Sirius in shock. Did he really just curse in front of the lycanthrope's mum and dad? Was he balmy? Remus' father gave him a long, hard look.

"Well said, boy. Well said." He finally answered. Sirius exhaled in relief. Remus gave him a look and grabbed the rebel's hand, before it got more uncomfortable.

"Right, well this has been fun, but I need to discuss topics with the clan. Been wonderful, bye!" Remus said, dragging Sirius up to his room.

Sirius waved. "See ya around, Mrs. L."

Remus flung open the door to his room, pushed Sirius in, and shut the door. James was in there wearing a towel and not much else.

"EY! GET OUT!" James screamed. Remus ignored the boy and wrapped his arms around the rebel's head. Sirius blinked, feeling even more awkward than when Remus' father questioned his family.

"Oh, hello there. What are we doing?"

"That was damn attractive. And naughty, you were very bold and a very bad puppy." Remus whispered. The werewolf gave Sirius a quick kiss and pulled away again. "You degraded your family and cursed in front of my mum."

"Remus… James is naked." Sirius hissed, turning his head slightly and receiving another kiss. "I knew you had a thing for rebellion but," another kiss. "He's standing there naked, watching us."

"How nice," Remus said idly, playing with Sirius' hair. James glowered and swung open his trunk, grabbing what he needed and making his way back to the bathroom.

"We're ruining his innocence." Sirius smiled, kissing Remus' neck, a teasing kiss that lasted a second too short.

"He can find the door."

And so, James found the door. And so, Sirius and Remus continued teasing each other with little kisses and whispering sweet nothings. Remus looked down and bit his lip, he loved this. With all his heart, he loved this. But there was still a nagging feeling that this little schoolboy love would never last. They might never last. Sirius rested his head on Remus' shoulder, and the werewolf could feel his small amount of stubble growing in rubbing against his neck.

Maybe he just needed to learn to enjoy it while it lasted. It seemed easy enough. But how long would that be? Did he even want to know the answer to that question? No, well, maybe yes. Because nothing this amazing could last forever. Suddenly, Remus wanted to hurry. He needed to get everything out of the way before Sirius was gone, because there was no way Sirius would last with him, oh no. Remus still loathed himself, and felt as though everyone around him should as well. Pretty soon, Sirius would find a way to hate him, he was sure of it. So Remus knew better than to let go before making sure he did absolutely everything he could with the rebel.

People who tried to keep another around are stupid, if they don't want to be with you, nothing will stop that. What you need to do is make sure you do everything you can with them before they realize exactly how much a terrible, loathsome person you are. Maybe, if you're lucky, they're just as terrible and loathsome as you. Unfortunately, Remus decided then and there that Sirius was so much better than him. Now dear readers, I will be the first to state right here, right now, how stupid Remus was.

OoOoOo

Christmas came and went, the Lupin's were kind and generous hosts, and the boys all returned to Hogwarts. Remus seemed a bit more distant than usual, and Sirius took big notice. The werewolf insisted that he just needed to concentrate on studying from the N.E.W.T's and Sirius readily accepted that. That didn't stop the rebel from missing a little contact. Finally, he couldn't take it anymore, and directly asked Remus what was wrong with him. The werewolf looked down, biting his lip.

"I feel like we should go a bit further, is all." he said softly

"Further how?" Sirius asked. He didn't understand, at least he didn't think he understood. Remus was being strangely cryptic.

"Just... you know, Sirius. I love you, you love me, maybe we should..."

"...Oh."

Oh.

**A/N: THIS IS LATE OH WELL HERE YOU GO IT'S OVER 3,000 WORDS OH GAWD I DUNNO I'M SORRY.**


	16. Deserving Him

** A/N: Began: 3/23/13 End: 3/28/13**

** Ey guys. Feeling like shit still, so my writing will still be shit. Sorry about that. It's personal stuff and family stuff and school stuff and shit stuff. A shit load of stuff. Anyway, here's the next installment. Thanks for the… one reviewer. Look guys, I really appreciate reviews, and when I see a 4,000+ views and a handful of reviews, it bums me out more. PLEASE review. Please?**

**There is not beta for this. I'm a rebel. **

We don't fall in love with the good in people. We fall in love with the fact that they're as terrible and wretched as we are. We fall in love with the bad that we share. We go through life knowing that we're a terrible human being in all senses of the phrase. And when we finally meet someone who did just as bad as we did, we connect. It's a sick, twisted fate. It's love. Terrible people with mutual atrocity.

So the rebel falling for the werewolf isn't all that a surprise. The rebel who defied his family, bullies those younger than him, smokes a little, and hates school. The werewolf who kept his secret under wraps, and now roams the school with animagi and can easily kill anyone he wants. They were meant for each other, right?

Sirius stared at Remus, still in disbelief at what he said.

"You think that… we're ready for… that?" he said.

Remus nodded. "Yes, quite so." He looked back at Sirius holding his gaze. "Unless if… you aren't, and that's okay. I can wait, I will wait."

"Are you ready? Remus, I don't want to jump into things you aren't ready for." Sirius sank further into his seat. "I want to make sure you're comfortable."

"I'm only comfortable around you; I can only be me around you." Remus brought a thumb up to Sirius' cheek, gently rubbing it.

Sirius looked off to the side, not knowing what to say to that. The two sat in silence for a good long time until they had to go to their next class and they separated. Remus made his way to Runes and Sirius went off to Care of Magical Creatures.

Sirius was particularly distant that day in class. Remus wanted to… with him. It was such a taboo subject, really. Even among wizarding folk, it was acceptable to wait until marriage for such acts. Did this mean that when they were all done with school, Remus intended to spend his life with Sirius? Did Sirius want that? Yes.

Or did he?

Remus was amazing. He was brainy and mature, but had a silly side to him as well. He also had a dark streak, though who could blame Remus for that? It wouldn't matter how strong a person he is, no one could take the hand he was dealt in life and not turn out a little bitter. But through the bitterness, Remus Lupin shinned. But could Sirius ever keep up with that? Could he ever be able to keep such a gem?

Remus could never last forever. Sirius was not good enough for him. The rebel needed to make sure everything he could do with him was done before the werewolf ran away.

Sirius would be happy to take it to the next level with Remus. Might as well take the honor with the time allotted for them.

Class ended faster than Sirius expected. He walked to lunch in a daze of deep thought. He sat down next to James and began to eat, each one of his actions robotic. Remus joined them along with Peter, and silence surrounded the group as they all ate. Sirius stole a look over at Remus. He wanted him so bad. He needed him. He desired nothing but to have Remus for himself. The werewolf caught him looking and his cheeks flushed.

"You can stop staring at me, Mr. Black." He said, looking down.

"You're so damn pretty though." A smirk played upon Sirius' face. "Almost as pretty as me, I dare say, Mr. Lupin."

"Well that's quite the compliment." Remus took a bite of his sandwich and leaned forward, sipping his drink.

"I think so." Sirius pulled on his own tie, loosening it.

"Boys, boys. Not at the table, please." James looked between the two. "Where is your decorum?"

"I lost whatever that means a long time ago." Sirius held his gaze with Remus. "I will be off now." He stood.

"Me too." Remus rose up and joined Sirius, walking out. "See you all later, maybe." The two made their way through Hogwarts together, not going anywhere in particular.

"I'll do it." Sirius said as soon as they were away from other students. "I'll be happy to… you know."

"A few hours ago, you were not too embarrassed to say the word 'sex' and could make plenty of jokes on it with James." Remus looked over at Sirius, expecting him to explain himself.

"A few hours ago, I wasn't asked to preform it. Talking about it and joking about it is easier than actually considering it. But I'm ready, if you are that is."

"I'm ready."

Sirius grasped Remus' hand, squeezing it. "I fancy you." He said matter-of-factly.

"I hardly noticed." Remus said, bemused. "I just thought you snogged all the boys the same."

"Please, you're might be the only boy for me. You're too good for me, you know. You've always been too good for me." They turned the corner and climbed the stairs to the astronomy tower.

"Now that's a lie, if anything you're too good for me. You've always been too good for me, if anything." Remus' tone was self-loathing.

Sirius shook his head; they made it to the top of the tower. "I still don't understand it at all, you know."

"What don't you understand?"

"I don't understand why you can't see just how amazing a person you are." Sirius whispered.

Remus let go of his hand and faced the rebel. "I'm not even a person."

"You're person enough." Sirius grabbed the lycanthrope's face in his hands. "You're human enough."

"You're a flatterer." Remus felt like crying a little. That was the one downfall to Sirius Black; he simply didn't understand that werewolves were monsters.

"You were born from two people, right? That makes you a person." Sirius refused to drop the subject.

"I turn into a raging animal once a month and a nearly killed you once. Remember that?" Remus eyes filled with tears.

"But you didn't."

"But I could have."

"But you didn't."

"But I could have, Sirius!" Remus jerked his head away.

"But you had enough human in you left to make a choice not to kill me." Sirius' eyes were wide with sincerity. "How do you explain that? You're human enough."

"Damn you, Sirius." Remus choked out. "Damn you for saying stuff like that, it makes me love you more, and it makes me have more reason to make sure I never hurt you. It gives me more reason to just avoid you."

"And it gives me all the more reason to keep chasing you." Sirius slid an arm around Remus' waist. "I will forever chase you."

**A/N: Snape and Lily have "always." I think Sirius and Remus should have "You're human enough." **


	17. Feeling Moody

** A/N: Began: 3/29/13 End: 3/30/13**

** Doctor Who is ALMOST FREAKING HERE. I am so excited! In terms of Doctors, I love 10 best, but Matt Smith is beautiful. I just hope the companion doesn't become a love interest. I want another Donna-like companion. No romance, just really cool and awesome friend buddies. Lots of people hate me for this but really do you WANT to see the Doctor snog every freaking girl in London? It's a bit tiring. **

**All things in italic type face are lyrics to a song called Iron Man by the band Nico Vega. Give them a listen. They're pretty legit. **

**More related A/N later**

** "**_I wish that I could keep you happy, I wish that I could keep you young." _

Remus Lupin stared across from Sirius Black, his eyes cold flat. The bags under his eyes were more defined, as he squinted at the man opposite him. The now-escaped prisoner shifted under the harsh glare of Remus, swallowing. With a mechanical movement, Remus reached across the table, holding out the palm of his hand. Sirius grasped it, the hand was hardened with callouses and scars and relative age.

"He isn't James." Remus said. Sirius nodded. "You must understand that no matter how hard you try to make him James, he won't just wake up and become his father."

"He looks so much like him; he's the only one who looks like one of us anymore." Sirius felt the cold hand tighten.

"We aren't sixteen anymore. Move on." Remus' voice was devoid of any emotion. "Move on and grow up, Sirius."

"Is that what happened to Moony? Did he grow up, or was he always this stiff and distant?" Sirius spat. His face softened a little. "I just…" Remus knew what Sirius felt. Sirius felt like he didn't spend enough time with James growing up, and was thinking Harry was a second chance.

"I know you just want to be happy again… but recreating James is not how you go about it." The hand loosened and Remus stood, walking out. Sirius was left sobbing into his hands.

Remus stayed outside the door of the room, hearing the sounds of sobbing and the occasional "You were human enough."

He wondered why that phrase. That was the phrase Sirius recited that one month that Remus was in an odd state of apathy and self-loathing. Now that Sirius was going through the same thing, perhaps Sirius thought the words would give him the same comfort.

"Please just be happy…" Remus forgot how to help Sirius. He didn't know what to do to fix this, because he felt the same way. Fourth year was the year they really forgot about who James was, because they were too obsessed with each other.

OoOoOo

_"You are relentless in the way that you love me, and I'm afraid of the thoughts that you are making." _

James Potter was going to take Lily Evans out on a date. It was official. He was going to go on his first official with the most beautiful girl in Hogwarts. As he sat in his usual throne in the common rooms, his face beamed in pride as he broke the news to the rest of the marauders.

"You aren't the only happy ones, Padfoot and Moony!" he proclaimed. In past chapters, I hope you readers were aware that James was not the happiest over the romance sparked between the rebel and the werewolf. But the king finally had his day, as Lily Evans accepted his invitation to Hogsmeade for a romantic lunch for two. On the five hundred and sixty-fifth time he ever asked Lily out on a date, she finally said yes. It was a good day for the king. If only the rebel were as happy as he.

"Fantastic." Sirius muttered, reading What to Expect when Expecting a Werewolf Attack.

"Lovely." Remus said, he was reading The Dangers of Newly Transformed Lycanthropes. "You tried so hard and you finally got her, good on ya, James!" Remus seems especially pep, unlike his boyfriend.

"Why thank you, Remus. I'm still amazing I finally got Lily… how did I get Lily, right?"

"Yes, isn't it great? Now quiet, both of you. Trying to read." Sirius glared at the pages in front of him.

"Oh lighten up a little, Padfoot! Prongs picked up a lady friend now." Remus grinned and nudged Sirius. "We should go find Lily and celebrate."

"Like I would ever celebrate with Lily Evans." Sirius kept his eyes on his book. This was kind of a put off for Remus.

"Well if you're going to be like that…" Remus looked suddenly sad.

James looked at them both. "Look at you, the both of you! Four years and already an old married couple. Wait… three or four? We were in third year the first date, sixth year now. Huh, it's only been three years? Well that's even worse, three years and you're both an old married couple!"

"I'm not legally allowed to marry Sirius according to muggle laws, of course according to muggle laws; their code was set up for humans. Seeing as I'm not human…"

"Oh here we go again!" Sirius slammed his book shut and dropped it. "James, does Remus not have human skin, hair and facial features?"

"He… he has all three traits." James felt as though this wasn't an argument he wanted to get into.

"What happens once a month for me, James? Do say it quietly; don't want the secret getting out." Remus closed his own book sitting up in his chair.

"You turn into a werewolf." James whispered. He spoke a little louder. "But considering that once a month we all turn into…"

"Animals, correct James. Which brings me to my next point here; if you aren't human because you can turn into a wolf, I'm not human because I can turn into a dog." Sirius crossed his arms, feeling he proved his point.

"You idiot, that's magic. I literally have wolf DNA in my body, it's not just a magical thing; it's a science thing." Remus held out his arm and pushed back is jumper and shirt, revealing his bare arm. "See my arm? All the cells on this arm are part wolf. You on the other hand, you are 100% human, with magical abilities."

"Yes, part wolf, but guess what? You're also part human." Sirius tilted his head back, grabbing the sides of his head.

"But not full human." Remus said.

"Human-freaking-enough!" Sirius got up. "I am no longer talking to you until you realize that I could not give less of a damn about your condition, god dammit!" he stormed through the portrait hole and out into the hallways. Some Gryffindor students, who only that part of the argument, looked around awkwardly. James huffed.

"You all ruin my fun." He picked at the hem of his pant leg. "I'm going to go out with Lily…"

"I'll just leave." Remus walked up to his room, glaring at the floor the entire way there. He threw open the door to the dorm and sat on his bed. Did Sirius just cut off contact with him? Why couldn't Sirius just accept the fact that Remus was a dangerous part-monster who could and almost killed the rebel? That's what Remus truly believed. Sirius was hanging onto a fantasy. James came into the dorm and looked at Remus.

"Are you okay, Moony?"

Remus grinned. "Perfect!"

OoOoOo

_"I wish I could tell you something, but I'm a hostage of my pride. I'll take all the heat you're packing." _

"My date with Lily went amazing. She said she will consider a second one." James puffed his chest in pride. "I kissed her on the cheek and she didn't punch me."

The four boys were in transfiguration. Each one of them was busy trying to turn a chicken into a goose.

"So glad she was finally able to put her pride on the shelf about this." Remus said. His chicken had mallard colors, but not much else duck related. He was happy again. Today was going to be a good day and he was very much happy about that.

"Unlike someone," Sirius said, flicking his wand too hard and accidently turning his into a peacock.

"I thought you weren't talking to me." Remus snapped, good feelings were suddenly all gone. James sighed. Peter looked about the room, harboring a secret of his own. He had been talking to Reg about the dark lord.

"A lot of people think that degrading yourself is a selfless act." Sirius went on, pretending he didn't hear Remus. "In actuality, excessive pride comes in plenty of forms. You can either build yourself up to be a god, or put yourself down as an animal. I find it simpler to just consider a good, a bad, and an ugly side, and embrace all three. Constantly focusing on one particularly nasty side of you is just… annoying."

"Did you stay up all night learning those words, Sirius?" Remus flicked his wand and his chicken grew a cat tail.

"Have you ever once considered that people don't instantly see you as a giant bloodthirsty wolf, Remus?"

"I'm dating Lily Evans…" James whispered.

"Have you ever once considered the fact that I have my own beliefs on werewolves, Sirius?"

"I'm dating Lily Evans…" James repeated.

"Have you ever once considered that I think your beliefs are so terribly wrong in every way and you should change them, Remus?"

"Lily Evans… I'm dating her." James looked over at the two.

"Have you ever once considered that you don't own me and you can't tell me what to think, no matter how wrong you think I am, Sirius?"

"I'M DATING LILY EVANS!" James screamed. The entire class, including Remus and Sirius, turned over to look at James. The Lily Evans herself turned a dark shade of red. The class laughed and the werewolf and the rebel were not amused.

"We're all very happy for you, Mr. Potter. Perhaps you should focus on your chicken now, though." Professor McGonagall gave a tight lipped smile in spite of herself. "Five points from Gryffindor for shouting in class."

Lily gave James a dirty look and whipped her head forward, going back to her work. James looked coughed a little and began in a much quieter voice.

"Now that I have your attention, the two of you have been fighting about this rather boring topic for far too long. Maybe it's time both of you put the good ol' pride on the shelf and decide 'hey! We will never freaking agree!" and this way, I will be happier!"

"This isn't about you, James!" Sirius turned his peacock into a tea cup.

"Stay out of this one!" Remus nearly broke his wand turning his chicken-cat into quill.

By the end of class, Remus stormed out of the classroom. He couldn't let James be happy, he couldn't let anyone be happy. Remus was not happy right now, and as far as he was concerned, no one deserved to be. His thoughts constantly brought him down. They were playing over and over like a broken record ever since that night on the astronomy tower. Remus was not a human. He was a monster. He was a werewolf. Funny thing was, there were moments when Remus could forget that he was a monster. There were times when he could just be Remus. Sirius growled, following after him.

_"Please forgive me for the distance, but I'm an Iron Man." _

Remus marched into the dorm room, feeling a sense of deja vu. This time, Sirius followed him in.

"I refuse to let you think you can degrade yourself." He began. "And before you even start with me, Remus Ja—." Sirius was cut off by Remus' lips.

"Just… shut up for two seconds, dammit!" Remus pulled away, he began to walk away. He didn't want any more bad feelings. He was done feeling bad feelings.

"Just as long as you do to, bastard." Sirius pulled him back.

"I'm a monster." Remus' voice broke a little. They were creeping back into his mind. He was a monster, he was a werewolf, he wasn't human

"You're human enough." Sirius kissed him, and soon they were slipping off their sweaters. Soon they were undoing each other's buttons. Soon they were slipping off their shoes. Soon they were locking the door. Soon they were on Sirius' bed.

OoOoOo

_"I wish that I could know the difference between your smiles and your frowns. Now I'm buried in the armor, cuz I'm an Iron Man."_

"…So that's what that is." Remus whispered. He was still yet to catch up with the rest of his body, which lay tangled in Sirius' Black's sheets in a Hogwarts dorm room, next to Sirius Black and stark naked.

"That was…" Sirius stared at the ceiling, in just as much shock as Remus. "That was angry sex… our first sex is angry sex…"

"'Our first sex', Sirius? You are the worst speaker ever." Remus grinned and looked over at Sirius. "Our first sexual encounter was angry."

"I think I like angry sex." Sirius scooted closer to Remus, and Remus rested his head on the other boy's chest.

"Are we the unhealthy couple who just had angry sex?"

"Yes."

"Fuck."

Sirius hummed and wrapped an arm around Remus, hand resting on his bum, because Sirius was still feeling quite cheeky. "That's what we just did."

"I know that," Remus felt his hand and his body went stiff. "But it was angry."

"Well… are you angry anymore?" Sirius moved his fingers through Remus's hair. "Because if you still are I am more than happy to-."

"I'm not angry anymore…" Remus said quietly. "Hold on, I was angry. Then I got in your bed and now I'm not angry. Did we make love or… or anger? I'm so confused!"

"You know, most people would probably say 'thanks for the sex, Sirius' but you question whether to call it love or anger. There are reasons why you scare me sometimes, Moony."

"I'm sorry! I did the whole… after sex thing wrong. Shit… Thank you for the sex, Sirius. There."

"You're hopeless."

"I'm no longer considered a virgin, I believe. Should I tell anyone? Maybe my parents should know or…" Remus seemed suddenly confused, as if he finally caught up with his body

"Never tell your parents anything about this," Sirius shook his head Remus frowned, looking at Sirius bare chest. Sirius could see he was still kind of juvenile when it came to this. "You should smile more… I forgot what it looks like."

**A/N: Bit about this chapter: one can safely assume that Remus is actually going through a bit of manic depression, otherwise known as bipolar disorder. Many celebrities have made headlines because of this disease, but very few really understand it. The basics of it are when a person has extreme mood swings, usually sudden happiness followed by sudden anger or sadness. Anything can set him off to suddenly go from chipper to melancholy. Sometimes it's what a person says; he lets that consume his mind. Other times it can just be a thought that's a product of his own mind and delusions. Whatever the cause of the sudden mood swing, it can last anywhere from a few minutes to hours. It also can lead him to do rash things. **

** There could be a number of reasons why he's going through a bipolar spell. He could be feeling insecure about his life. It's been known he is fairly uncertain about being about to keep Sirius. He also hates himself for being a werewolf. This could be the stem of his delusion that he shouldn't be considered human. Bipolar disorder can stem from insecurities, regrets, worries, anything.**

** If you or someone you love is going through this, I highly suggest seeking mental help of calling a friendly hotline for crises. It's a serious disease that when left untreated, can lead to suicidal thoughts and tendencies. **


	18. Taking Hiatus

**A/N: Hello people who still read this.**

**I'm kind of taking a hiatus right now from writing and anything that really takes any brain power. I'm not having the best of times right now. I'm actually having the worst of times. But I hate leaving stupid little messages that don't explain exactly why I'm a total mess. It's better to just be honest about things, yeah? So if you expected the werewolf and the rebel as I now lovingly call them, sorry. This is just one long A/N full of pain and stuff. You can skip it, it's really just me talking about my life and hoping for some small comfort from releasing some stuff that's been going on, and I couldn't really talk about in real life. But I figured I don't know anyone who reads this, so there's no real harm done telling people what's up with me. Sooo here we go. A list I like to call ****everything that is wrong in the writer of this fic's life right now and then some.**

**1) ****I am an attention whore who as of late has not gotten her fix of attention.**

**Lot of friend drama that doesn't involve me, I made sure I steered clear of it. The upside is I have no drama. The down side is I'm pretty much just sitting around while my other friends bitch and moan and start fights. I'm kind of just… there. No one really notices me, and I try getting some focus on yours truly because my life IS quite in shambles and I would like to talk to friends about it. But they're kind of busy I guess…**

**2) ****I forgot to observe the death of a friend two years back and I now feel guilty because I forgot they were dead.**

**A friend of mine died two years ago. I forgot about him on the anniversary of his death. Usually I observe that in some way, or at least I feel like I'm supposed to. This kind of stems to my OCD about dates. I remember every date of importance, so forgetting this (which is kind of the most important of them all) sucked. He was a great friend and I just forgot him. It makes me feel selfish because on that day, I was busy wallowing in self-pity because I am an attention whore who as of late has not gotten her fix of attention (see one). **

**3) ****My grades are slowly going to shit and I'm still not sure why yet. **

**"But how can you not be sure, Rachel?" Well, I DO know why, but I don't want to admit that I also forgot a lot of assignments. Either that or I just didn't do them. I'm slowly becoming uncaring for my schoolwork and that's bad. That's really bad. I guess I might be blowing off my schooling as a cry for help. But I'm so damn isolated, I forgot who I was crying out to.**

**4) ****My ex boyfriend has recently messaged me and that freaked my shit out because I am overly anxious about him because reasons.**

**He was an ass; I broke up with him in a nasty way. We both made pretty bad mistakes and the break-up was not fun. Basically he insulted me and my family constantly and kind of verbally tormented me. I was strong enough to break it off before we both did something we would regret, but I stooped to his level in the process. So when he suddenly messages me on Skype, the hairs on my neck stick up and an alarm in the back of my head starts going off. It turned out he asked me this real asshole question and by doing so, I remembered to block him on Skype, so happy ending there. Kinda. He's still in my head even though I got rid of him. **

**5) ****I have a new kind-of boyfriend and I have not been treating him all that awesomely and I should probably fix that.**

**This new guy is a really nice guy, I'm just scared to let my guard down (see four) and my life is kind of shit so I have little time for him (see everything). But I need to change that, and my boyfriends in this fiction are dating each other and don't like women (not to mention they're fictional) so, I should probably focus on the nice guy who is real and not gay. I kind of like my men straight if I wanna kiss them.**

**6) ****My home life literally just fell apart and I kind of need to be there for my sister and mom.**

**My parents are splitting up. And I am currently feeling nothing over this news, and I don't know why. I'm either in shock, or somewhere, deep inside me, I expected this to happen. So I can't cry over it even though everyone else around me is crying. I'm the abnormal one here who maybe hasn't digested the news, or maybe just forgot how to care about it. But this also might mean that I'm currently the strongest. I should probably stay strong for my mom, because right now she isn't strong. She's been my rock for 15 years, now it's my turn to be her rock. **

**7) ****This fiction has been losing popularity and I haven't gotten many reviews on it anymore, so I really, really, do not know where to go with it anymore because I can't give the people what they want if they don't talk.**

**I take reviews seriously. I listen to them, I enjoy reading them, I take any advice they may have. If I'm getting no reviews, I'm not writing. It's that simple for me. This kind of stem along with one in the sense that I need attention in order to do something. Maybe that's the wrong reason to write; maybe I should gain more confidence in my writing. As of now, I could not give less of a fuck (see entire list) because my life sucks too much. And anyway, don't reviews GIVE me confidence in my writing anyway? Jus' saying.**

**So anywho, this fiction is on official hiatus. Sorry about that and if you read this entire thing… well I got a little treat for ya. I wrote SOMETHING for the next chapter. It isn't much at all, but maybe it'll tide you over a little.**

Remus suddenly sat up straight. Sirius looked over at him and sat up and at much slower pace than him. "What is it?"

"We completely missed history of magic! Oh god, a quiz was today! Dammit! I need to apologize to Professor Binns and hope for a reschedule." Remus yanked the comforter off the bed and got up, taking them with him. He began picking up his clothes, holding the comforter up at his chest.

"Give that comforter back!" Sirius got out of bed, not caring about decency whatsoever and not taking a blanket with him. He pried the sheet from Remus' hands.

"Sirius!" Remus tried covering himself with his hands

"Not like I haven't seen it, idiot." Sirius flung the comforter back on his bed. "I literally JUST saw it. I also send my compliment toward you for your amazing genes."

"SHUT IT, SIRIUS."

"You know, you're a prefect. You have access to the fancy private bathroom. Why did we decide to do this in our shared dorm room again?" Sirius' eyes seemed to have trouble looking away from the very much embarrassed Remus.

"You can stop looking at me now." Remus threw on a pair of pants.

"It's like we didn't literally just—."

"I said SHUT IT!"

**That is literally all I have. Yeah ._. **

**So um… I'm shit with goodbyes, so goodbye for now 3 **


	19. Forgetting Yourself

** A/N: Began: 3/30/13 End: 4/13/13**

** Sorry for the whole… hiatus. Lucky you guys, I'm now back to work. I find it easy to bury my grief into my writing. This should explain what I'm about to do, which will probably anger you all. Sooo in order to make sure you all don't try to kill me, I'm giving you an almost sex-scene. HUZZAH!**

** "You mean you're showing us an episode of Sherlock?" saidthefunnyoneintheroom. **

**I had to up the rating on this for you boogers. Enjoy my almost-sex scene from the POV of Sirius. I hate writing full on sex scenes, simply because… I dunno how to at all O_O for all I know this one sucks itself. I added… details to it? **

**Big thanks for all the reviews and condolences, which I took all into account. Particularly one from Ludost, who gave me tips on Remus. I must say, I find him the hardest of all of them to write on. He's just a big ball of complexity. She also gave me a little tip on plot development. Another hard aspect of writing, oy! Just need to find a way to make a plot without ripping out my heart from feels. I CANNOT DO THIS THOUGH, FEELS ARE ON!**

**Wow, sorry for talking so much…**

** lolubespell **

_The buttons on Remus Lupin's shirt were pretty easy to pry apart from the fabric. Remus didn't seem too happy about his shirt being ripped, but I didn't really care. Now the shirt was split down the middle, revealing a little part of his nearly translucent skin that lined his chest and abdominal region. The entire region was covered in cuts and scars. I slipped the remains of the shirt off, Remus sat in front of me on my bed, his feet twisted into the folds of the sheet. I inhaled, seeing the rest of the blemishes on him. The cuts were almost delicate, they formed crosshatches and pictures. They could be considered art, if one looked at them in a certain way. The weird, twisted part of me considered them beautiful, just like the rest of him. I could see Remus' body going taut; he wasn't used to being exposed. I brushed a finger down on of the cuts, barely putting down any pressure. I felt him shiver and hunched down, kissing the cut. I could hear his ragged breath, and felt the hot air on the back of my neck. _

_ "S-Sirius…" _

_ "You're lovely." I whispered, interrupting him. "You're so lovely, and brilliant." I felt his lips on my neck and the spot where he planted them began to tingle. His hands slipped to my shirt, slowly unbuttoning it, in contrast to the way I simply ripped his off. I bent up from my hunched form while he unbuttoned, feeling like an animal compared to his delicacy. I wasn't sure how I felt about that, we were opposites, but in the heat of the moment, we were magnetized. The warmth of the cloth left my body as I shook off the shirt, and goosebumbs littered my flesh. His arms wrapped around mine, entrapping me in a new kind of warmth that seemed to radiate from him. He was the sun, and I wanted nothing more than to be enveloped by him. _

_He moved back slowly, removing his legs from under him and straightening out. I moved down with him, resting my hand on the mattress, right next to his neck. I was now on top of him, staring into his eyes, the size of the moon. He looked excited and scared and exactly how I felt, I could only imagine what my own face looked like. I wanted to hide the fear inside me, or at least make it less noticeable. I smirked at him, lowering the lids of my eyes and kissing his neck, dragging my lower set of teeth against his skin. His head tilted away, and his breaths became even more ragged. Somewhere, I could have sworn I heard All My Lovin' playing in the now completely distant background. It was me, Remus, and the bed. His fingers traced the ridge of my back and moved my mouth over to his. We kissed and I felt his other hand fiddle with the button on my trousers. I slipped my tongue into his mouth, dragging it against his teeth. Remus whimpered, tugging at my pants. He was having troubles, it seemed. I broke away and pressed my forehead against his, reaching down and helping him with it. I slipped the pants down, and the top hem rested around my thighs. Remus reached down, stroking the bulge in my drawers. I suddenly couldn't see too well, but all my other senses were on hyper-alert. The song became amplified in my ears, my nose tickled in delight from the smell of Remus, my sense of touch (thank God) made everything feel like nothing short of pure heaven. I could taste the air simply by inhaling, it tasted of his cologne and sweat and something sweet. _

_The undergarments on us were soon shed; mine bunched up at my ankles, along with my pants. I kept going back to Remus' stomach, kissing it. I dared go down further, which caused him to make almost inhuman noises. At one point, he sat up turning himself around. I knew a useful (if not naughty) spell that conjured up lube. Remus laughed at what I still swear was pure brilliance on my part._

"_You learned a spell for that when, exactly?" he asked. He was still turned around, but he twisted his upper half to look at me, stroking my chin._

"_Well it turned up pretty damn handy, eh?" I replied, grabbing his hand and kissing it. "Remus Lupin, may I do the honors of taking you from behind?"_

"_Such a gentleman." He snarked. "Sirius Black, I beg of you to."_

_We never meant to take it that far at all. But we did, we loved until we bled._

OoOoOo

Remus suddenly sat up straight. Sirius looked over at him and sat up and at much slower pace than him. "What is it?"

"We completely missed history of magic! Oh god, a quiz was today! Dammit! I need to apologize to Professor Binns and hope for a reschedule." Remus yanked the comforter off the bed and got up, taking them with him. He began picking up his clothes, holding the comforter up at his chest.

"Give that comforter back!" Sirius got out of bed, not caring about decency whatsoever and not taking a blanket with him. He pried the sheet from Remus' hands.

"Sirius!" Remus tried covering himself with his hands

"Not like I haven't seen it, idiot." Sirius flung the comforter back on his bed. "I literally JUST saw it. I also send my compliment toward you for your amazing genes."

"SHUT IT, SIRIUS."

"You know, you're a prefect. You have access to the fancy private bathroom. Why did we decide to do this in our shared dorm room again?" Sirius' eyes seemed to have trouble looking away from the very much embarrassed Remus.

"You can stop looking at me now." Remus threw on a pair of pants.

"It's like we didn't literally just—."

"I said SHUT IT!"

oOoOoOo

James grasped Lily's hand and looked into her beautiful green eyes. Lily smiled, looking down at the sudden eye contact. James bit his lip, smiling as well. The two were in the hallway between classes. James moved has hand up to rest on her elbow, moving closer. Lily wrapped a hand around James' upper arm, feeling hard muscle.

"Lily Evans, you are simply perf—."

"Hi, James!" Sirius grinned, suddenly showing up next to the two. He looked over at Lily and his grin faltered. "Hello, Lily…"

Lily gritted her teeth together, staring at James with wide eyes. "Sirius, we're kind of—."

"James, guess what? My and Remus are now no longer virgin olive oil."

"Okay… gross. There are things we only talk about when we aren't in the company of…" James motioned to Lily. "So you can go now."

"Hold on, you two were just fighting. Bloody hell…" Lily shook her head, red hair swaying along with it.

"It was total make-up sex." Sirius crossed his arms importantly. "I'm his first. It's a big deal."

"I don't even want to know about it, dammit Sirius, leave!" James looked over at Lily, "I am so sorry for this, my sweet."

"How good was he in bed? He seems timid in bed." Evans was quite enjoying annoying James like this. "Or is he one of those surprisingly dominant people?"

"Little timid, mostly surprising, Remus is quite good in bed." Sirius was now thankful for someone to spill all the details to.

"Quite the combo, and was there any kind of real lead up, or was it just BAM sex?" Lily turned to the disgruntled Gryffindor king. "Five bucks it was BAM sex. I feel like Sirius is the BAM sex kind."

"I don't like thinking about how my best mate is in bed…" James' innocence was slowly fading away. "L-Let's talk about something we can all enjoy."

"It's okay; I am quite enjoying this conversation. Nothing kinky, right? I am completely against Remus being kinky." Lily was now giving Sirius he full attention.

"It was mainly just sweet. A little angry. Not really much else though. Nothing weird, no fetishes were involved, god, Remus with a weird fetish. That's probably a thing. Wonder what is..." the side of Sirius' mouth quirked up. "Not that I'm against them…"

"Well _you _aren't, but honestly, what could Remus' fetish even be? He seems the kind that just wants a little loving. God, this is adorable. Do tell me everything, Sirius." Lily smiled.

"I'm done with you people." James walked away after that. "So freaking done." James walked off and found Peter Pettigrew out by the green houses, he appeared to be waiting for someone.

"Peter! Finally, I found a sane person!"

"Ah! James, hello! What are you doing here…? Hi." Peter looked around.

"Um, nothing, just getting away from Sirius talk about… never mind. What are you doing out here?"

"I'm just waiting for a friend." Peter kept looking to the left of him, James joined in on the looking at odd places game. "Not much else."

"Friend? You have other friends besides me?" James snorted. "That's a miracle."

"Shove off, James." Peter sneered.

"I was just joking, lighten up, Pete!"

Peter's body went stiff and his face turned red. "How many times do I have to tell you, my name is not Pete?"

"…It's a nickname." James got defensive.

"It's annoying and not my name." Peter looked off to the side again.

"Yeah… I'll just leave now. Come back when you aren't being a total asshole." James walked away.

"Whatever." Peter had more powerful friends now. He didn't need James anymore. He was now protected by the followers of Voldemort.

OoOoOo

Sirius Black walked to the kitchens after having the most pleasant of talks with Lily Evans. Everything was great. He was no longer a virgin (how he managed to stay a virgin for such a long time is a question not even our dear author can answer) and not only did he have sex, oh no, but with an attractive werewolf. That's something to be quite proud of. He wondered what was the perfect gift to give Remus, seeing as he ought to thank him for the sex. He considered a cake that read 'thanks for the sex' but then decided that would be sudden and weird. But cake was a good idea. He decided to go with cake, and it should be chocolate. Yes, a chocolate cake for Remus in thanks for sex. That was the perfect gift.

Sirius tickled the peach on the painting that granted access to the kitchens and was greeted by house-elves. The elves were quite helpful in making a chocolate cake for Sirius. And while Sirius waited, they brought him plenty of food to snack on. Sirius figured this day couldn't have been better. He was on Lily's good side, he managed to annoy James, he was getting good food, and he was able to score with Remus. The day was freaking perfect. How could this day be more perfect? The house-elves finished Sirius' cake and he left, making his way back to the dorms to wait for Remus. He figured it'd be a nice surprise there.

Sirius made his way back to his room, and he spotted the smallest specks of blood and other dried body fluids on his comforter. He looked them and couldn't help but go back to the moment and smile down at them, proud of them. At the same time, if anyone outside the living quarters came in and saw them, people would talk. Sirius looked through his books for a good cleaning spell. He supposed the house-elves would change the sheet at one point, but he also had to consider that he was sleeping there tonight, and that wasn't his blood. Remus was a beautiful human being in the rebel's mind, but he would pass on sleeping on his dried… leakage.

Of course, Remus could always spare his bed tonight.

Sirius sat down on Remus' bed, holding the cake, and waited.

OoOoOo

Remus' bum hurt.

He figured that would be a side effect of what just happened.

But damn, his bum hurt a lot… he wanted to give a good comforting rub or something. Of course, rubbing your bum is against the rules of social decorum. So as he stood, explaining to professor Binns why he completely missed his class, Remus was the most uncomfortably jubilant person in Hogwarts. Uncomfortable because his bum hurt, but jubilant because of what caused his bum to hurt. It was a weird how that entire situation worked out.

Remus left professor Binn's office and headed for the dorms. He was pretty tired, and it was justifiable why. He thought about exactly how he would be able to face Sirius again. They just did something huge and kind of wonderful. But what if it meant something different between the two of them? Remus thought it was pretty big deal. Would Sirius treat it the same? It was hard to tell, the rebel could be… childish. As he turned the corner, Remus did not even notice the group of Slytherins approaching him.

"Where's your shaggy haired boyfriend, fairy?" Rosier yelled out from the throng of snakes. Remus gave an inward sigh and looked up.

"Come again?" he asked, keeping a calm expression on his face and giving off a relaxed demeanor.

"You heard me, dumbass. Looks like your little arse fucking isn't here to protect you." The Slytherins all gathered around the two, "ooo-ing" at the statement.

"I don't need protection, Rosier. I'm capable of taking care of myself. Let's just end this conversation before you get hurt, you spineless prick." Remus said. He still kept a calm face. Staying placid and uncaring was the key. He didn't care, he didn't care, he didn't care…

"I don't think I like your tone, faggot." Rosier got into Remus' face, ready to fight

"Well that falls under the category of not my problem." Remus stayed still, refusing to back up. "Let me pass."

"Things like you should be locked up, fucking animals."

"The only thing that's acting like an animal is you." Remus' hand felt around inside his pocket, closing his fingers around his wand. He didn't care…

"You're both more gross than mudbloods and the damn Hufflepuffs." The bully snarled.

Remus drew his wand out and yelled "_Stupfy!" _causing Rosier to fall back, sliding on the floor a few feet. "Call me a faggot or whatever, but never insult a Hufflepuff in front of me, your mother ever taught you manners?" Remus gave a lopsided smile, said good day to the stunned Slytherins around him, and began to walk forward again, passed by Rosier.

Rosier growled, pulling out his wand and pointing at the retreating figure of Remus. "Alright, wanna play cheap moves? _Levicorpus!"_

Remus felt his feet leave the ground and puffed out his cheeks in anger, this was getting out of hand. He would rather just go back to his room and sleep some than deal with Rosier right now. He felt a pull in his ankle and turned upside down, and his wand slipped from his hand and rolled down a few inches. Slytherins laughed as he floated up. "Taking a leaf from Severus? I will admit, of the lot of you, he's the smartest. Still an idiot, but smart enough, for a snake." Remus called out.

"Now this isn't right… the animal is out of his cage." Rosier conjured a cage around Remus and muttered the counterjinx for levicorpus, causing the werewolf to fall onto the hard metal of the cage floor. At the moment, the halls were deserted; there were no classes on that particular corridor. Teachers were doing lessons for lower years; students who did not have a class period were outside or in their commons. Remus was outnumbered an a little hopeless.

"Funny, putting me in a cage wandless and such, I'm laughing so hard on the inside." Remus looked down and saw his wand outside the cage. "Fuck me…"

"Shut up, animal!" one of the Slytherins called out. Rosier smiled a sadistic smile and circled the cage, Remus turned around to keep his eye on him.

"How about we start off with… _calvario!" _Rosier's wand lit up and the light hit Remus' head. After a blinding pain, Remus watched his hair fall into his hands.

"Needed… a haircut anyway." Remus tried to keep his voice steady as he put a hand to his head and felt his hair pull easily out. "I could rock the bald look..." He didn't care, he didn't care… Slytherins all around howled in laughter. He didn't care…

"_Alarte Ascendare!" _Rosier yelled, flicking his wand. Remus felt his prison lift into the air fast, and the world outside the cage became a blur; he stopped midair, and felt the sudden drop of the cage settle in his stomach. He hit his head on the top of the cage, and the pain throbbed. He felt blood trickling from his head.

"Can we just pretend we don't know each other, I don't understand why you need to…" Remus rubbed his head. "Fuck…"

Rosier bowed to the clapping Slytherins, waving up his wand dramatically. "And for my final trick…" he whipped the wand back and yelled "_Crucio!" _

The amount of pain Remus felt was unreal. His bones felt like they were breaking, his muscles were being pulled in both directions. Acid dripped on his skin, it seemed. He screamed out as the hypothetical acid licked his insides, going down his throat and into his brain and stomach, straight down to his toes. His hands managed to grip the bars of his cage, his knuckles turning white. Slytherins around were laughing so hard, their stomachs were in knots. Rosier finally released Remus, who curled up into a corner of his cage, whimpering.

Just so this never gets out…" Rosier rested the tip of his wand on Remus' temple. "_Obliviate_!"

Remus' mind felt light again, and he rocked slowly. His eyes rolled back into his head and his world went dark. Rosier charmed the cage away and the gang took off running, leaving Remus lying on the floor.

**A/N: It's actually quite normal to have a little blood come out from sex. If the giver is (giggity) rough enough (giggity, giggity) then they could cause a little tearing (giggity), especially with… eh… anal. I feel weird saying that word. It's a funny word and not at all sexy. Anal should be renamed to reserve sex. Because anal can also mean to have reserve. And reserve is a sexy word. **

** Sorry, trying to hope that rambling will make you all hate me less, because I literally just made Remus almost-dead. How did THAT happen? I feel like I'm going to be John Green when I grow up. I'll write books that make you sob like a bitch and I'll have my stupid grin in the about the author picture on the back cover, smiling at you with my evil face. The picture will just say "haha, made you cry, fuck you!" **

** I have a lot against John Green, the beautiful little life ruiner asshole. I love him… no I don't. Dickbutt. **

**Rereading my writing…. "But damn, his bum hurt a lot." –The next great writer, ladies and gents. **


	20. Waking Up

** A/N: Began: 4/14/13 End: 4/20/13**

** Now that this story is rated M, I should be able to get away with so much more shit! I've been working on a fiction that's a bit more adult and kinky. I would post it, but I lack the balls to. I literally still giggle when someone says sex. That's the extent of my sexual maturity. Like Sirius, I believe that cake is the perfect after-sex gift. Hell, I think we should have after-sex gifts. Think about it, each time you go down on someone, they give you cake. **

** I like to think I'm being funny in these things, but usually they just get ignored. I'll just stop here now kthnx. **

Remus woke up in a strange room, and it took him a while to realize that it was the hospital ward. It took him a moment to realize a lot of things. He looked to the side and saw a small pile a gifts decorated gold and red. Gold and red seemed a weird color, Remus assumed these were get well presents but… he could have sworn… he was a Ravenclaw… wait, no! The sorting hat considered him going into Ravenclaw, but something made it change its mind. If only the werewolf could remember what…

All he could think of was a black, the color. It was as if a light had been turned off in his brain. Every once and a while, he spotted another flash of a color. He saw a whip of a green and silver scarf, and a panic set in his stomach. Those were… Slytherins, right? Now Remus remembered, Slytherin was his house's enemy. His house was… Gryffindor! Of course!

How the fuck did he get sorted into Gryffindor? If only he could remember why the hat changed its mind, but now that he really thought, he couldn't remember much anything, save for his studies so far. He could remember those perfectly. He remembered his mother too, not much else. It was troubling. He looked at the gifts again. Hold on… Remus had friends? Only friends gave gifts, right? Who were these gifts from? Remus couldn't think of a single name that he could call a friend. He reached over and grabbed the first present, a small box wrapped in gold, tied in a red ribbon. Remus looked at the tag attached to it.

_Get well soon, baby. I may have eaten the cake that was supposed to be yours… -Sirius_

A ball formed in Remus' throat. Sirius… he felt like that should mean something to him. But Remus had to admit, he never once knew a Sirius. Remus opened the gift anyway, pulling apart the red ribbon carefully. He rather liked it more than the prospect of getting the actual gift. Placing the ribbon on the night stand next to his bed, he pulled the lid off the parcel and looked inside. It was a little trinket of a wolf howling. Remus grinned.

"Sirius has excellent tastes." He said to himself. Remus wondered who Sirius was, or if they were a boy or girl. He looked at the tag again "Baby… no one called me baby."

He grabbed another package, this one's tag read _been five days, miss you so freaking much. –Sirius. _Another one from this Sirius, remus wondered who named this person. Sirius was suck a strange name… this parcel had melted chocolate. Remus crinkled his nose in distaste. The chocolate looked like brown goo. The sight was slightly nauseating. Rems placed that one aside and reached for a blue parcel.

_Been a pretty tough week. I love you so much. This gift is from all of us. I hope that chocolate won't go bad… –Sirius_

How long was Remus sleeping? He felt like he was in a different world, Remus didn't even know how he got in the hospital wing. All he could remember was a lot of pain before slipping away into blackness. Even then, it was simply a feeling of pain, no real memory. He opened this box, which had a small scrap book full of pictures that haunted Remus. There was Remus with three other boys, flipping off the camera. Another one was Remus with a shaggy haired boy in glasses, squirting water out of their wands at each other, one a fat boy floating chocolate just out of Remus' reach and laughing as the picture Remus kept jumping up to grab it. Remus smiled at a picture of him and a pretty redhead, posing with pints of butterbeer. Maybe she was this Sirius. Remus wouldn't mind her much at all.

Remus made it to the back of the book, and saw a picture of him with a dangerous looking boy, he remembered him from the first picture. The boy wore a rock band shirt and was smoking. His hair was long and black, and in his eyes; he had his free arm around picture Remus' waist, and had his head rested on his shoulder. Picture Remus seemed deep in a book, but looked over to give the boy a quick kiss before returning to the book. Remus' hand started to shake and he shut the book, tossing it to the foot of the bed.

"The hell!?" He yelled. He heard shuffling and looked up, seeing Madam Ponfrey walk out of her office, with her usual air of authority.

"You woke up, isn't that a relief! Your boyfriend found you half bald and bleeding in an abandoned hall. Nasty state, you were in. Your parents came to visit-."

"Hold on, boyfriend?" Remus shook his head. "I don't have a boyfriend!"

"Of course you do, he was here every free chance he got. Gave you all those gifts, he did. I feel inclined to tell you that he also flirted with me some. You can make whatever you want of that." The nurse allowed herself the quickest of smiles and fetched something from Remus' nightstand. "Now I'll need you to take this potion."

"So wait," Remus started to have shallower breaths, and he broke out into a sweat. "Are you telling me I'm… I'm gay?"

"Well you've only been with Sirius for three years or something! You're acting funny, dear…" Pomfrey felt his forehead. "And a little feverish, Remus how much do you remember before you woke up?"

"Well, I remember getting my Hogwarts letter, getting sorted… I remember most my studies. Dumbledore and… I'm sorry, what's your name? Who are you, even?"

"Oh, no," the nurse stood up, her face white as a sheet. She left the room, leaving Remus only more confused. Remus had a boyfriend? Remus was gay? Did this mean Sirius was a boy? What would his parents think, or did they already know?

Was Sirius the dangerous looking boy in the photo? Remus bent forward and picked up the book, opening to the last page. There was the boy, the picture flicked his hair from his face, and Remus saw his eyes. They seemed a drastic contrast to the rest of him, looking youthful and happy and a little mischivious. Remus smiled a little, the boy was handsome. But Remus figured he was straight, or maybe something else? Was there a word for someone who could see a red haired girl as well as a rebel boy equally attractive? The door to the hospital ward opened and Madam Ponfrey darted in with Professor Dumbledore behind her.

"Professor! I think something went horribly wrong, here! You need to help me, Professor Dumblerdore!" Remus began. The wizard held a hand up and nodded, silencing the boy.

"What is my name again, Remus?" Dumbledore asked.

"Well… Dumbledore, sir. At least I think it is." Remus looked at the waves in his bedsheets, trying to think harder. "Yeah… you're Dumbledore."

"Do you know the name of this witch, here?" Dumbledore motioned towards Madam Pomfrey. Remus looked up and stared at her for a good, long time. After a small eternity, he shook his head.

"I'm sorry, should I?" Remus felt his stomach twisting into knots.

"Peculiar… his memory has definitely been modified, but not properly. However, it should be a good sign he can recognize my face. Remus, who else do you know besides me?" Dumbledore's eyes were piercing, and the wizard, usually so jolly, was stiff and serious.

"Well, my mum and dad… I guess the sorting hat doesn't count as a human; and Greyback is the guy who bit me. I don't understand, is this a side effect of the moon cycle?"

"What year are you in at this school, and what is the schools name?" Dumblebore sat down at the werewolf's bedside.

"I'm a sixth year, and I'm in Hogwarts. I'm a Gryffindor, right?" Remus wished he could unknot his stomach. He shifted in order to help unwring it, but to no avail.

"Correct. Remus, do the names James Potter, Sirius Black, or Peter Pettigrew trigger any reaction from you?" the wise old wizard asked.

"…None at all."

Dumbledore turned to Madam Pomfrey and whispered in her ear. She nodded and scurried out. Dumbledore turned back to Remus and grasped the boy's hand.

"Remus…" the age could be heard in his voice. "A week and a half ago, you were brutally tormented, we have yet to catch the perpetrators behind the act. They subjected you to various spells and what we believe to be a Cruciatus Curse. It seems that before they left you, they had performed a memory charm so you would not be able to tell us who hurt you. Their charm worked a little too well, and there are giant chunks of your memory missing."

"Do you mean I forgot… I forgot a lot of things?" Remus' mind went paranoid, exactly how much _could _he remember?

"You have forgotten a substansial amount." Dumbledore bowed his head. "I am truly sorry."

"But what about everything I did, what did I do? Why can't… I need to remember! Who is this?" Remus showed Dumbledore the picture of him and the other boy. "Who is this and what is he to me?"

Dumbledore sighed and took the book, looking at the picture. He shut it closed and placed it on the nightstand. "You loved him very much, I think. His name is Sirius Black. He should be here any minute."

"I loved him? Was it like a brother or like… something else?" Remus longed for the book back.

"You loved him in a romantic way, I suppose," Dumbledore patted Remus' hand and drew his own away. "He treated you very nice, from what I saw."

Three new faces came into the ward, along with Madam Ponfrey. Remus recognized them all from the pictures, but his eyes settled on Sirius, whose face broke into a giant grin. The rebel ran to Remus' bed and jumped up on the side of it. He cupped his hands around Remus' face. "You're awake! Did you miss me? I came here every single day and waited, I swear." The boy seemed jubilant over the awakening of Remus, and gave him the quickest of kisses. Remus blinked and his pupils dialated from the kiss, he began to shake slightly.

"I'm sorry… who are you? Sirius, right? I can't remember you…" Remus became hyperaware of the palms on his cheeks. "Can you… let go, please?"

Sirius stared, grin still pasted on his face. "Stop being silly, you know me!" the rebel stared into the blank face of Remus, expecting him to smile as well and admit he was joking. But the smile never came. Sirius' face fell and he looked at Dumbledore. "What's wrong with him?"

"Remus has been through a lot, and it seems his attackers have placed him under a memory charm…" Dumbledore seemed to have troubles looking at Sirius.

"No… you said he went through the Cruciatus, and had his hair fall out; and they used a spell to inflict physical harm. You said nothing about a memory charm." Sirius still had his hands cupped to Remus' face.

"I'm afraid you can only really detect that charm while the paitent is awake and alert." The wizard looked heartbroken for Sirius. James gasped a little.

"Wait… Remus, do you remember me, Remus?" James asked.

"I don't remember any of you! Please… get your hands off me!" Remus jerked his face away, and Sirius hands stayed frozen in air before he finally put them down, still staring at the professor.

"You said he would be fine." Sirius' voice was dripping in hostility. "You said he just needed a lot of rest."

"Mr. Black, there's nothing we can do except help him remember who he was before the attack." Madam Pomfrey said.

Sirius still stared at Dumbledore. "You said he would be okay, that everyone would all be okay! Why isn't he okay!? Why didn't you catch this!?"

"Even if we caught it earlier, we can't simply reverse it." Dumbledore looked away.

"Remus, you have to remember… we're your best friends. You can't just forget us." James looked at Remus like he had the plague. "Don't you remember all our fun times together? We got into so much trouble together! Please, Remus…"

"I don't know who you are, I'm sorry," Remus became focused on his bed sheets again. "I just want to make sure I catch up in Defense against the Dark Arts. If I missed a week and a half, then I haven't turned in my essay on the practical…"

"I… I turned that in for you," Sirius said in a voice just above a whisper. "That's taken care of."

Remus snuck a glance at Sirius. "Um, you didn't have to, but thanks."

"I wanted to. You spent days on that essay… it got full marks." Sirius rubbed his arm, sliding off the bed. "I'll… see you around, or something." He choked out, walking out of the room at a near-frantic pace. A lump formed in Remus' throat. He could only wish he could understand. But he could not, for the life of him, begin to comprehend that he ever fell in love with… him! Sirius looked dirty and gritty. He looked feral.

"You just can't forget…" James lifted up his hand before putting it down quickly. "You can't just…"

Remus swallowed, attempting to get rid of the lump. "Look, this doesn't mean anything, okay? James, that's your name, right?" Remus looked at him. "Thank you, for caring about me, I want to remember more than anything, but I can't, who knows if I ever will? I guess I could suddenly recover those memories someday, but I have no idea when. Why can't I make new memories? I can still… be a friend?"

"You don't… not even Sirius?" James shook his head. "Let me tell you, you tried hard to win him."

"I never knew I even… liked boys." Remus smiled a little as Dumbledore and Madam Pomfrey left to give the remaining boys privacy. "Exactly how gay was I?"

"You… were pretty fucking gay." James laughed. "You were so fucking gay. You don't even know that?"

"Well, I guess I don't know that part of me yet? Who knows what my brain is like right now… Sirius? Does he really… love me?"

"You're kind of his other half or something, yeah." James looked at Peter. "Got anything to say?"

Peter shrugged, waving at Remus. Remus waved back and turned back to James. "How the hell did I work out with him? He seems so… unlike me."

James smirked, nodding. "Yeah, you aren't alike all that much, but alike at the same time."

"Well that's contradicting," Remus let out a shaky laugh. "Wow…a boyfriend. Is that… is that how I ended up here?"

James pulled his fingers through his hair. "Yeah, I wouldn't really be surprised if this entire thing was because of the whole… gay thing. You know, you should give Sirius a chance. It might be weird but maybe you could… restart with him."

Remus knew that would be the hardest thing in the world. Sirius remembered and Sirius would expect whatever kind of Remus that Remus became. But the werewolf had no idea who that guy was. Remus was s gay guy who loved a sloppy rebel? It made no sense, the entire situation did nothing but make his head go screwy. "I… guess, yeah… I don't know him though."

"He's just a little bit of you, you know you well enough. right?"

"I think so…"

**A/N: I am not proud of this. **


	21. Being Friends(?)

** A/N: Began: 4/22/13 End: 4/13**

** Anyone else freaking the shit out over Iron Man 3?**

** IRRRRRRRROOOOOOONNNNNNN MMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNN 3!**

** Follow me on tumblr: ihavetoomanyfandomsforthis. You can guess I'm a fandom blog. Like, seriously, if you didn't gather that, I'm questioning everything about you. **

** On to the serious bizz, I got a death threat or two. MY FIRST DEATH THREAT GUYS, I'M AN ACCOMPLISHED WRITER! I finally did it, after years of practice, I did it. Also, concerns about my grammar (which yeah, sucks a lot) were raised. I am now in the market for a good beta. I have been letting a friend of mine kind of do it, but friends aren't the most helpful when it comes to being a little critical. So, if there are any beta readers around, come to me, my babies. But don't be too mean, I'm secretly a 6 year old Scandinavian boy. **

** M. Night Shamilamin plot twist right there, son. And yes, I did spell it Shamilamin, you need to say it like the Zebra from Madagascar. Do it. It's fucking hilarious. What was I doing again? Right, actually writing what you've all followed for. Here we go! **

Sirius had a lot on his mind today. For one thing, he was the rebel black sheep in his asshole family of purebloods who hated him. For another thing, he was a gay wizard in a predominantly straight wizard school. Perhaps the most troubling of all his problems, his boyfriend forgot who he was. Not only that, his boyfriend forgot who they were together, which is what Sirius considered the biggest problem of them all. He could never quite replicate what happened between them, every memory he had was much too unique and special to ever be recreated. Remus will never quite understand the joy, the pain, the sadness in all of them.

So as Sirius walked through the halls of Hogwarts aimlessly, he got trapped in his own mind, replaying every kiss, every touch, every laugh, and every single aspect of the Remus he once knew. Each memory brought sadness that crushed away at Sirius' heart. It did so many sickening and gooey things that made him want to melt into a puddle much like how a fangirl does so over a picture of a middle aged British actor.

"Sirius!" the rebel emerged from drowning in a sea of his own bitter thoughts; he could have sworn he heard his name. He turned and saw the figure of a certain Gryffindor king with glasses. "Sirius, snap out of it! Get your ass back to the hospital wing right now."

"That place makes me very much sad, but I thank you for the terrible suggestion, James." Sirius was about to continue walking when James grabbed his robes, stopping him in his tracks.

"You go back there or… or I'll punch you in the face of something. Remus needs you, memory or not, asshole." James glared hard enough to make Sirius want to shrink back into a corner, had any corners been present. "It's just like always, think of it that way. It's just like every other month, only instead lycanthropy, its memory loss. But it's essentially the same. He's sick and needs you because you both need each other, like it or not, got it?"

Sirius forgot the last time he saw James talk to someone with that much ferocity and anger, let alone Sirius himself. Still, Sirius did not understand what use he would have. He was a third leg to Remus now, something no longer needed. He was like a pancreas or an appendix. He just was not needed, and probably not even wanted. And yet, Sirius needed Remus more than anything…

"Fine. But I can't stay there long. It… hurts." Sirius felt somehow weaker than James for feeling pain over this. Was it because it was Remus? Was he weaker than the others? Would he act the same way if it were anyone else in that damn bed? No… it was none of that. It was indeed an almost selfish thought. If it was what everyone around him thought, that this only happened because of what Remus and Sirius were…

_That it could have been him in that bed._

Sirius found himself back into the hospital ward, a little worried at the fact that he didn't remember walking there. He saw Remus in the bed, pale, fresh scars, looking too sick to touch, and worn to the bone. It was the same as every month; the only difference was that Remus couldn't remember all the other months. James and Peter left, leaving him alone in the very situation he wanted to avoid forever.

Sirius pushed that thought away as soon as it attempted to crawl its way into his brain. That would be too much. Remus looked up and noticed Sirius giving him a brooding stare.

"Hello again, Sirius Black." Remus gave his trademark ghost of a smile; not quite an expression of happiness, but close enough for Remus. This usually made Sirius start thinking the dirtiest of thoughts, but today, it just made Sirius want the Remus he knew back. Maybe this was Remus, a completely brand new Remus with more, better memories to make. Maybe this is a second chance in disguise.

But it was going so damn well the first time around. Remus probably wouldn't even remember their first time kissing, the first I love you… the only time they ever made love.

"Hello there, Remus Lupin. You look… like hell." Sirius gave the ghost-smile back, he didn't want it anymore. Remus laughed and lifted himself up more to rub his back.

"I feel like hell. I think I got bed sores or something." Remus could not get over the fact that this shaggy boy stared at him so much, nor did he know what to do with said information. "…Tell me about yourself, Black. Maybe… refresh my memory?"

"Well… I'm Sirius Black… I'm not a Slytherin, and I hate my family. I can turn into a dog, but that's illegal… I also do illegal stuff." Sirius struggled to find something to add.

"Ugh." A sound emitted from Remus.

"Ugh? What do you mean ugh!?" Sirius had an unexplained annoyed feeling.

"You're just some typical Gryffindor rebel. 'Oh no, look at me. I'm a badass who needs to proof it every ten seconds.' Tell me about you, not your Gryffindor side."

"Well if you're going to be like that… I like lizards and 60s muggle music. The only reason why my animagus isn't a lizard can only be explain by the fact that lizards can't wrestle werewolves. And I only became one for you to not be lonely during transformations, you know? And 60s muggle music is just pure magic and there's nothing anyone can say to convince me wrong. I also enjoy lemonade more than I let on, and only you knew that. Every time we went to the Three Broomsticks, you would sneak lemonade in, and dump out my butterbeer into your mug and replace my drink with lemonade. No one knew that you switched the drinks, and you never once called me out on it." Sirius' heart threatened to burst out of his ribcage and onto the floor.

"I also consider myself to like both guys and girls. And you were okay with that, as long as I stuck around while I was dating you, and I swore I would be dating you for a long time, maybe forever. I hate flowers, but you like them. So on our anniversary one time, I stuck a bunch of flowers onto my uniform and face, and I woke you up looking like that. I scared the shit out of you, and ever since then, you haven't liked flowers much." Sirius let himself laugh a little. "I have a brother, but I don't talk to him. That annoyed you, but you never said a thing against me on it, even defended me once when James brought it up. But I still broke it off with you that one time, because I thought I needed to focus on fixing my relationship with my brother. I was an idiot then.

"I usually am an idiot, but you liked that about me. You liked correcting me, which annoyed the shit out of me. And I keep coming onto the topic of you, and I think that might be…" Sirius started making the strangest of choking sounds, and Remus supposed this was what happened when he started crying. It wasn't the prettiest sight. "I think it might be because you've been part of my life since… almost forever!" Sirius flopped forward, leaning against the hospital bed. He rested his elbow on the foot of the bed. It was Remus' turn to stare at him.

"You know more about me than me… I used to secretly give you lemonade? You're embarrassed to drink it? That's… eccentric." Remus' mind was still stuck at the processing stage with that entire speech.

"I'm eccentric too, yes. I forgot that," Sirius made something that sounded like a cross between a laugh and a sob. "I always forget that I'm an extremely eccentric person."

"What kind of flowers did I like? I feel like I would like daffodils..." Remus looked at the face Sirius was giving him and laughed. "Not daffodils then. I liked…"

"Violets, you loved violets. You gave me this one Valentine; I can recite it from heart. 'Roses aren't always red, Violets aren't even blue. They're fucking violet, Sirius let me snog you.' I laughed at that one so hard, and then… I snogged you." Sirius guffawed. "I snogged you good."

"I kissed you?" Remus wondered what that must have been like, probably kind of weird.

"You liked kissing me." Sirius seemed to have a huge ego when it came to this matter. "Amongst other things."

"Sirius Black, do not be nasty!" Remus snorted, feeling a bit more relaxed. Okay, so he kissed this guy some. He didn't know if he would ever have any desire to again, but this shaggy haired boy used to be something to him, it seemed. He could still be something, if the situation wasn't so surreal and creepy.

"I thought you liked my nastiness," Sirius laughed along. "It isn't like I was the only one who pulled the strings in the relationship. You had your fair share of romance…" Sirius looked suddenly sad.

Remus was uncomfortable. He could only wish he could remember how important this shady figure was to him. But he couldn't for the life of him, and it made him want to puke a little. How could he not remember this? What happened?

"Sirius… we can still learn to be friends again. I want to know you more. I want to understand, but maybe it's better if you tried to forget… the Remus you knew. He sounds way too good to be me." Remus was surprised to see a small smile on Sirius' face as he said that.

"Ah, one thing hasn't changed. You still sell yourself way too short, Remus Lupin."

OoOoOo

"I'm going to win him back." Sirius said to a half-asleep James. Three of the four marauders returned back to the dorms. Madam Pomfrey wanted to keep Remus one more night, much to the dismay of everyone. Peter had already fallen asleep. Sirius was cursed to talk to Prongs, who only wanted to drift off to sleep. "I'm going to get him back and not be a typical Gryffindor rebel that he thinks I am."

"I don't care." James whispered.

"The last time, he had to win me over, and it was pretty easy to. But he still has my goddamn… god this is going to sound cheesy. He still has my heart. And he can't keep it unless I can have his, you know? Ugh, that's the cheesiest thing I've said all day." Sirius paced around the room. "He's my Remus, no one else's. He should always be mine."

"Still can't find a reason to care…" James' eyes looked glazed over as he lay in bed. "You smell like hospital."

"I'm not being possessive! He's just been mine for so long, and I don't want to give him up to… to memory loss!" Sirius threw his hands up in the air. "Memory loss! Why is my boyfriend always sick?"

"I don't know, and I don't care…" James nuzzled his pillow. "Go to bed, Sirius, I'll care in the morning."

"I'm persistent, I'll get him back!" Sirius glared at the floor. "Somehow…"

"Your persistence to not shut up shows. I don't care, though, trying to sleep." James sighed.

**A/N: I feel like this chapter was too short for you guys, mainly because I've been too busy to write much. So in apology for breaking Remus and not giving you all a sufficient chapter, here's a story:**

** One time, I was a little girl of about five and a half, and I met my first best friend. Her name was Pearl and we were in different classes. She had the AM class, and I had the PM class. But we still saw each other on Fridays, when the two classes were combined. She was the sweetest person ever, for a five year old, and we hit it off. We had this one game where we pretended to be these kick ass chicks called Dream Girls. Dream Girls were part spy, part agents, part superheroes, part everything else. They could be anything, and to two little five year old girls, that was pretty freaking sweet. She went to my birthdays and we had sleepovers. And she had this one friend who I hated named Amy who would always try to steal Pearl and play with her but not me, but Pearl always found time to play with me. We were awesome.**

** Then by second grade, I had to switch schools. I switched schools a lot throughout my life. I went to three elementary schools, one middle school, and so far two high schools. Pearl and I lost touch, but she's still my best friend. She's an amazing person and I love her so much. Yeah I made best friends at just about every school I went to, but she was the first. I wonder if maybe if I could have stayed at that school, we would still be friends. I like to think so.**

** You guys might be wondering where I'm going with this, well I just wanted to tell a sweet story. But I also want to say this: Make a friend. Find a girl who may not be the most popular girl, but seems nice enough. Oh find a guy, I don't care. Just make a friend. You never know what memories you can make simply by being nice to someone. The title of this fiction is A Friend and Not a Thing More, mainly because I thought I would take it in a completely different direction than I really did. But look at all these non-canon memories that were formed between Remus and Sirius, look at Sirius and James. Hell, Peter and James have memories too. They are perhaps the best and worst thing, memories. Make them and keep them forever.**

** Also, review my stories and if you are interested in being a beta, call me baby girl. You straight up sexy~**


	22. Running Together

**A/N: Began: 4/28/13 End: 5/6/13**

** Nobody likes you and you're 23. **

** I don't know how old you all are, but my 5th-8th grade life was filled with some pretty awesome pop punk music. I miss those days, not the actual memories (hated middle school) but the songs. They were pretty fucking groovy. Far out, you know? Anyway, I got me a beta reader! Qwerty123, yay! Also, I have been reading John Green again. He ruins my life a lot. You should all love him. **

It's quite easy to win over those who know a little about you. It's a bit like getting a first impression over with only there is no first impression. There's just a predetermined impression of who you are as a person and whether someone can accept that or not. It's easy to win over a person who knows a little about you, much easier than winning over a total stranger.

Lily Evans made her way to the hospital wing to check up on her fellow prefect. When she entered, she saw a dazed Remus with a very agitated expression. "Remus…" she walked to his bedside. "How you feeling, buddy?"

"What's your name again? I don't know anyone's name anymore…" he looked lost and very much like a scarred, hairless puppy. The idea should have repulsed Lily a little, but instead she just pitied him.

"Lily Evans. We were on and off friends. By that, I mean I can tolerate you the most of all of your idiot friends." Save for James. "You were… are the sanest."

"If I'm the sanest, why do they want to take me to St Mungos? Do you think you can stop them, Lily Evans? I don't want to go." His voice had an almost childish tone to it. Lily's heart was sinking further and further, while her stomach seemed to be bubbling up into her esophagus. Whoever did this to Remus was a sick bastard. Remus should be snogging Sirius and studying for NEWTS, not stuck in a hospital bed with no memory of… well, anything! Lily swallowed any stomach acid that got stuck in her throat and smiled.

"I'll do what I can sweetie. I'll go to Dumbledore if I have to." Lily lied. She personally thought St. Mungos was the perfect place for him to help recover his memory. She wondered who 'they' were.  
"Who's Dumbledore again?" he asked.

"The headmaster, I think you met him."

"Oh yeah… I keep forgetting anyway. I hate that…" Remus turned over in his bed and grabbed something from his nightstand; a book. He turned back to Lily and opened it up to a picture of him and Lily. "That's you, right? You're one of the first people I saw. I opened this book and I thought you were pretty, just saying."

"Is Remus trying to flirt with me?" Lily smirked. "What did they do, put some weird tonic in your meals? What would Black say?"

"I… I don't know… was I coming on as flirty? Oh dear, I didn't mean to. It's just your face brought me… comfort. I MEAN! Oh Merlin…" Remus scratched his head. "Forget I said anything." He made no clear sign that Lily even mentioned Sirius. This put Lily off.

"Remus, have you seen Sirius? You know who he is, right?" Lily bit her lip, she felt like she was treading a very delicate path. She hoped the path didn't cause her to tread on anyone's heart or anything. Surely, Sirius would be in shock. It would be shock enough to wake up and have someone say 'Hey! You got a boyfriend!' and have you not remember him.

"I know of Sirius Black, yes. We talked some… I don't get it, Lily Evans. I don't understand… him." Remus' puppy dog face was coming back, and Lily leaned back.

"Don't understand what, sweetie? I mean, there's plenty to not understand, but let's start somewhere." The redhead crossed her arms. "I'll try to explain a much as possible."

"Alright, why Sirius Black? I talked to him some, and he's perfectly nice. Nice… and yet loud and my absolute opposite. Unless… second question: was I as loud as Sirius Black, but the whole memory thing made me forget that I became loud?" Remus looked like he was about to ask a third question, but Lily cut him off before he could.

"Well…" it was like explaining how babies were made to a child, chipping away at Remus' weirdly fresh, child-like mind. "From what I saw, Sirius Black treated… treats you like a prince. He's loyal to the end, brave too. I never thought I would say it, but Sirius is very brave to walk around and proudly say he loves you. No, you weren't loud. You two were still a little opposite, all things considering. You weren't loud, but your voice to him was sonic. There was no greater joy in having you as his. And Remus, I can't make you fall back in love with a guy you don't remember. I can't restore memories, I wish I could…" tears threatened to spill down her face. "But you can make new ones, try him out, Sirius. He tried you out. And he was smitten."

"Before I can try anyone out, I need to get out of going to St. Mungos. I'm fine… really. It might take time, but I can figure things out." Remus struggled to get out of bed. "I need to stay here though. I have classes, responsibilities. I need to…" He fell to the floor, he realized it was a long time ago he ever had to use his legs. Lily rushed to his side.

"Sweetie… let's not rush things."  
OoOoOo  
"I should be snogging Remus right now." Sirius stared at a book without reading it. One could guess he wasn't reading it, seeing as he picked it up fifteen minutes ago, and had not turned the page since then. It was saddening, seeing such a neglected book. The book looked interesting enough. But alas, Ten Facts that Distinguish Lycanthropes as Better Creatures than Vampires was poorly abused and ignored. Sirius finally gave up on reading and put the book down, leaning forward. He was in the Gryffindor common rooms. The maroon and gold that adorned the room did not give him the same comfort as it usually did.

"You need to get outside more," James said, sitting across for him. "You know, I went muggle skiing, the family wanted to try it out. At the hotel we stayed in, the muggles had something called television? The television had a delightful little program called Doctor Who, and this man who wore a cape ran around through time and space and saved the world and stuff. He always got outside a lot. He had a blue time machine and a sonic screwdriver. It was like a wand, but cooler. A wand is a bit of a tosser compared to a sonic." James sighed. "I really want to watch another muggle television show…"

"What the fuck are you even talking about, Prongs?" Sirius snapped. "How does this help anything?"

"The Doctor always helps…"

"The Doctor is not real, unlike us. We are two perfectly real individuals. No way we're just characters that bring hours of entertainment to fans." Sirius looked down. "We're perfectly real… perfectly real…"

"Now you're the awkward one in the conversation. Stop acting all daft…of course we are real." James looked wide-eyed facing forward… almost as if he were looking at the reader of this tale. "Now, how do you plan to regain the affections of Remus?" James scratched behind his ear, looking back at Sirius.

"Well, he says that the rebel thing is off putting." Sirius looked at his shaggy mane "I think he's just being ass about things, but, you know…"

"The rebel thing is off-putting. That's why I first made friends with you, intimidation factor." James looked particularly smug.

"Did you just tell me that you only became my friend because I look intimidating? Merlin James, it's like it's your life ambition to piss people off!" Sirius looked incredulous.

"Well… I stayed for the personality!" James managed.

"Unbelievable! This wouldn't even affect me if my life was more awesome right now, but this is affecting me in my fragile state!"

"You'll get over it. I mean, I only chose Remus because of his scars. You are all… the Chosen Ones. I like the ring to that. Peter just kind of… followed me a lot." James took out a bag of fruit from his bag, which lay next to the chair he was sitting in. "Blueberry?"

"Can we focus here?" Sirius clenched his hands into fists, obviously annoyed. "So… I hang out with Remus a lot. And if I just… go slow, go painfully slow, I can win him back, right?"

"Well… why go slow? Sirius, somewhere the Remus we know is still there. I have no doubt in my mind he's just as gay as he was before he was attacked. He's in shock, as usual. Every single day of his life has been a shock to him. You know how he thinks," James scratched his elbow, and Sirius focused on the action rather than James' face. "He's always shocked he has friends, he's always shocked he has you. This time around, it's a bigger shock. Show him that you are there."

"Wouldn't any rash moves cause more shock anyway?" Sirius deadpanned.

"Not as much as you would think. And you know, if any crazy things you do scare him… we can always hope his memory will be restored, right?" James looked a thousand years his senior. "You have to put a positive spin on this. Only way you can get through it."

"That's living in denial, because nothing good comes out of this situation." Sirius was angry, he felt like James didn't take this quite as seriously as he should. "Nothing good is going to ever come out of this!"

"No, it isn't denial. And there is a good thing to this. It's somewhere, you need to man up and find it." James got up and nodded. "You only have so long; you know they might ship him off to see some better healers at St. Mungos. If he leaves, Merlin knows when you'll see him again, so man up and show him you're there."

"I thought he wanted a romantic… not a rebel."

"That's not it at all, Sirius. He wants his other goddamn half. Trust me; I know what it's like to want another half. He may not show it, but that's what he wants." James sounded like a seer, repeating a mantra as he again added, "Man up.", and left.

Sirius didn't care how close it was to his next class. He was making his way to the Infirmary and he was going to see Remus. He walked into the hospital and sat down by Remus' bed, Remus looked up at him from a book and Sirius exhaled sharply, leaned forward, and gave Remus a peck on the lips. The kiss left Remus' lips icy cold. The breath left Remus' lungs and he looked shocked.

"Well… hi." Remus put his palms on Sirius' shoulders and pushed him back. Sirius did not take any offense, on the contrary he grinned.

"First off, you aren't going to St Mungos. I'll chain you to the bed if I have to. Second, that's how I'm going to greet you every day, until you kiss back. Because I know at one point you will kiss back. Okay?"  
"…You can keep dreaming, Sirius Black." Remus stuttered.

"I am quite dreamy, don't you think?" Sirius flipped his hair back for the awkward chuckles that Remus managed. "Third, you should try going back to classes tomorrow. Two days in bed is more than enough for even you, handsome."

"You're the biggest flirt I've ever met, if I could remember the people I did meet." Remus still had his palms on Sirius' shoulders. "Not sure… how I feel about the flirting."

"And that's okay. I just need to show you more than ever exactly what you mean to me." He said it so casually, Sirius. Remus felt guilty once again for not knowing him.

"I wish… I wish I could return those sentiments. It's hard to though, I mean… are we even a couple anyway, Sirius Black?" Remus chewed on dead skin that was flaking off his lips as Sirius leaned back and sat down. Remus hesitated to put down his hands. "Lily Evans came, she's a pretty redhead. She told me to… try you."

Sirius hated hearing Remus compliment Lily. She was not Sirius. Not only was she not Sirius but she was a girl. Remus possibly meant nothing by it, but at the same time, Sirius felt that the only person Remus should find aesthetically pleasing was, well… Sirius! "Well, then go ahead. I would be more than willing to try along with you. Why do you keep calling people by their first and last name?"

"Well," Remus looked Sirius up and down. "You look like a first-and-last-name type of person. I can't imagine you as just Sirius. You just look like a Sirius Black." Remus' head tilted upward. "Though for some reason, I want to call you Mr. Black."

Sirius felt like crying from happiness. Did this mean there was a small part of Remus who still remembered a little? Mr. Black was Sirius' name at one point, he intended for it to stay that way. "I… I go by that a lot, actually." The rebel lied. "Can I kiss you again?"

"Buy me dinner first."

"You're in a hospital bed, but I can hand deliver it to you."

"Are you really considering buying me dinner?"

Sirius smirked. "I told you I would never stop trying." He clapped his hands and stood up. "What do you want? The elves are excellent cooks."

"Sirius…" Remus knew he could get in trouble for sneaking anything more than candy into the hospital wing; he didn't need to have his memory to know that.

"Not taking no for an answer, and you know it. Name a food." Sirius rubbed his palms together. In spite of himself, Remus smiled. "You're… funny, a funny guy. You're strange, Sirius Black."

"Of course I am, only the strange ones are worth your time." Sirius said. "Name a food, now."

"Well… got any bangers and mash?" Remus asked. Sirius snapped his fingers one and nodded, walking out of the room. Remus laughed in spite of himself. Okay, that was a little too cute for him.

Wait… he didn't mean cute. He meant… striking? Maybe the word was… sweet? Whatever it was, for the smallest of moments, Remus could see this working out. He could see himself with a boy like Sirius. He was funny and charming enough. He was still a boy though, which freaked Remus out for an unexplained reason. Remus was no longer in the 'pity me, my memory is gone' stage and now in the 'this is a real thing that I need to deal with' stage. He hated it, how was he going to deal with Sirius? How was Sirius going to keep him from going to St. Mungos? Was he really going to kiss him every day? Why was Remus half-okay with that? When, what, where, how and why; there were plenty of questions to be answered, and not enough answers to correspond with the questions.

Sirius returned with two plates of bangers and mash, and Remus ate the sausages first, while Sirius started with his potatoes. Remus watched how the rebel ate. He was an almost dignified messy. He laughed at any food that somehow didn't end up in his mouth, but cleaned it up, and he apologized for his lack of manners. He was a terrible gentleman. Remus wished he could eat his food in an interesting manner.

"So I was reading up on prestigious wizard families, you are a Black, right?" Remus made polite conversation.

"Nothing prestigious about the Black family, we're just a load of cowards. But yes, I'm one of them." Sirius finally touched his sausage.

"You speak ill of your family often, Sirius Black?" Remus swallowed down the last of his bangers. They were a little chewy, but still pretty good.

"All the time," Sirius said simply. "They make for good comedic material, the things they do." He said no more to say on the subject.

"So I assume you know about the whole…werewolf thing. Can't imagine how you can't know. Unless you're too stupid to tell, you must know by now."

"I found out in third year, it was the same day you first kissed me, I believe. We did an awful lot of chasing around that day," Sirius smiled. "Then you took me out on this lame excuse for a date, but it was… cute."

"You willingly went out with a werewolf?" Remus shook his head. "Are you insane?"  
"I'm a little insane, yes."

"I guess that's okay… that date couldn't have been much worse than this! I'm lying in a hospital bed." Remus teased.

"So… this is a date?" Sirius wiggled his eyebrows seductively.

"Ah, did I say that, no I didn't." Remus said.

"You kind of did."

"You're imagining things." Remus slapped himself internally. "What do you do for fun, Sirius Black?"  
"…Let's find out." Sirius set Remus' food aside and grabbed his hand, pulling him out of his bed. Remus resisted a little but Sirius huffed "Oh come on, it's not like you're paralyzed! Do you trust me?"  
"Can I trust you?" Remus stood up shakily. He was still in a hospital gown. "And can I have… trousers?"  
"I dunno, the hospital gown if kind of sexy." Sirius said. They were still holding hands, and Remus looked down. He didn't squeeze back, but he didn't yank his arm back either.

"Sirius Black, you get me some trousers right now!" Remus demanded. Sirius did the unthinkable: he took off his own off with a goofy grin and handed them to Remus. "Sirius Black, you give me trousers that fit, those are going to be too big!" Remus squeaked. Sirius was being quite childish.  
"Too big? Thank you!" Sirius cackled and it was then that Remus drew his hand back. Sirius found some clothing of Remus' tucked away under his bed and Remus slipped on the trousers only to find that there was no shirt for him. Remus growled.

"I layered my shirts today, here." Sirius took off his button up and revealed a white tank top. Remus looked away so fast, he nearly got whiplash. He wanted to avoid the fact that Sirius had a pretty good body. He wanted to just be friends for now, Remus needed to remember what his own want was. The lycanthrope took the shirt and slipped it on, buttoning it up. It was pretty loose on him. Sirius grabbed his hand again.

"Now let's go… have some fun. I'm checking you out of the hospital wing early." Sirius took off in a run, pulling Remus along with him.

**A/N: To prove you read these, and freak out people who read the reviews before reading the stories, everyone who reviews should post either "PETER YOU LITTLE SLUT!" or "YOU BETTER NOT KILL OFF JAMES, ASSHOLE!" let's freak out potential new readers, as well as confuse any jerk who doesn't read my beautiful A/Ns. **

** Like the new cover for it? I realized I'm shit at Photoshop while making it. If anyone can make one that's any better, contact me.**

**Be sure to thank the lovely qwerty123 for the beta! She did a smashing job!**


	23. Regaining Memories

**A/N: Began: 5/7/13 End: 5/20/13 **

** I will say this; my BIGGEST musical inspiration for this story is indie rock. Nice Vega is a big one, so is the very talented Passion Pit. Biggest band though for the story is the lovely album Night Visions by Imagine Dragons. I adore Imagine Dragons and they better go pretty damn far in their career. You would think I would listen to late sixties/early seventies jams, but meh. I have no disrespect for that period; it just doesn't get the creative juices flowing. Well, the Beatles do. I listen to the Beatles when and if I am ever faced with a sex scene. I might do a full on one sometime, or maybe re-write the first part of… 19? I think it's 19. Whatever chapter the almost sex scene is on. Anyway, might rewrite that and make it more… unf.**

** How should I research for that part? Should I look at porn? I mean…. more porn than usual?**

** I tell you what isn't pornographic, my upcoming AU fiction involving everyone's favorite superhero group that isn't the Justice League, the Avengers! What happens when the individuals we know and love need to hide away from their oppressive government because of their abilities? What will come to play when they all meet? Look out for We Are Revolving, a new perspective on super heroes! It has Thor! It has the Science Bros! It has Nat and Clint! It has Captain Spangly Pants! HORRAY FOR CAPTAIN SPANGLY PANTS!**

Remus didn't have proper shoes on. The hospital wing had given him some socks with rubber traction on the bottom, but that was the extent of his foot protection as he went running around in a shirt that was too big on him and some small pants. Yeah, he looked like a recently discharged patient, a mental patient maybe. It didn't help that he was running with a shaggy haired rebel in a tank top and a tie. It dawned on Remus… Sirius didn't even put his trousers back on! Scratch that, he was running with a shaggy haired rebel in a tank top, tie and not much else. Just maroon underwear.  
If there was any doubt from his teachers and parents regarding his placement into St Mungos, this sight would erase any doubts and only get Remus sent there- fast. There were no teachers to confirm such insanity though, so Remus figured he was safe for now. He loosened his grip on Sirius' hand, only to have Sirius grab on tighter. There was no escape from the freak parade. Remus figured that it was better than the freak parade than no parade at all after a while, and reverted back to squeezing the hand.  
Sirius stopped short, and Remus didn't have a clue where in the castle they were. All he saw was a door in front of them. Sirius turned around and grinned. "Ready?"  
"For what?"  
"This is… a place I never showed you even before your memory kind of… POOFED, I guess." Sirius stroked the door. "But I've been going here for a while. It's just an abandoned classroom. I don't even know how I found it."  
"Is it like… a secret club or something? The one man club." Remus said. "So mysterious."  
"Kind of, you'll see, it's kind of a second home." Sirius opened the door. "I call it the wolf den. Lame huh?"  
Remus followed Sirius into the room, which turned out to be no more than just a small broom closet. "Well… it's a closet." Remus said. Sirius laughed and closed the door. The space went dark for a moment and Remus heard a small click and stood face to face with Sirius holding a lighter, the flame flickering and giving off a dramatic light that highlighted the features on the rebel's face. Remus could really see his cheek bones and the small bags under his eyes. He could really appreciate the dimple that formed every time Sirius smirked. Remus pushed any thoughts regarding Sirius' face away as soon as they came, stupid thoughts.  
Sirius slid down the wall and sat down, Remus following suit. He looked around in the dim light and saw it was, get this, a broom closet. Sirius hummed lowly and stared up at the ceiling. "I like to go in here and think… and it's a good place to wank if the dorm has people in it." Remus jumped up in disgust and Sirius snorted. "Joking! I'm joking, sit back down! Oh Merlin, your face though!"  
"Not funny, ass." Remus kicked Sirius shin and sat back down. Sirius winced a little and tilted is head back, laughing harder. Remus ran his fingers through his own hair. "So what do you think about it?"  
"Future, any and all ghosts that haunt me, I think a variety of things." Sirius looked back up at the ceiling. "I guess this isn't much fun."  
"No, it's… I like it. It's quiet. I like the quiet. This is a nice little space, Sirius Black." Remus said just as the lighter went out.  
"Shit, there goes our light source…"  
"It's dark in here… I don't have my wand on me."  
"Wish we brought some food…. or a pack of smokes. Remus, I'm in love with you."  
"I'm aware of that."  
It was silent for a long time before Sirius asked, "Am I wasting my time, then?"  
"…I don't know. Define wasting your time."  
"Trying to get you back."  
"I… I don't know. It's fucking me over too, you know. Knowing you loved someone at one point, and they're unrecognizable."  
"I guess when you put that way; we're both in the same boat."  
"I'm… unrecognizable too?"  
"Well, you aren't the Remus I knew."  
"…Oh."  
"…Hi."  
"Hello, Sirius Black."  
"I love you."  
Remus sighed and shut his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I'm aware of that." He felt a hand brush his forehead and clamp on to his shoulder. "Sirius what—" he felt another hand find his other should and heard slight shuffling and then felt a foreign pair of lips on his. Before he knew what he was doing, Remus kissed back.  
This is nice, he thought.  
This must be what it used to be, he thought.  
This needs to stop, he thought. Remus pushed Sirius away and pressed himself against the closet wall. "Stop, no… I don't even know you, I don't even… this can't happen."  
"Why can't it, it's already happening. Dammit, Remus!" Sirius stood, found the door and opened it. Remus flinched from the newfound light seeping in through the crack. "It's just… not fair." Sirius choked out before leaving. The door slammed behind him and in spite of it all, Remus pounded his fist on the ground with a loud "FUCK!"  
He got scared. As usual, he got scared. Am I a Gryffindor or not! He thought through angry tears. He got up and walked out of the closet, chasing down Sirius. "Sirius Black! Please stop walking!" he caught up to the hunched over figure and spun him around, grabbing his hands.  
"Please go away, Remus. I can't deal with this right now." Sirius struggled to turn back around, struggling to get his hands away from the werewolf's iron grip.  
"Sirius Black… you must be a damn good wizard," And Remus kissed him. Sirius took a few steps back, blinking. Remus broke away. "You put a spell on me."  
"Remus…  
"Remus… what do you want Remus? Stop staring at me, let me go!" Sirius tugged at his hands until the grip finally loosened. He crossed his arms. "Snap out of it!"  
"I—I… Sirius Black, I apologize." Remus said stiffly, wondering what his brain was doing. What a crazy… thought... Sirius huffed. "No really, I do. I wish I could… I could love you to the extent that… you do. Oh my, I'm sorry." The werewolf rubbed his head. "I'm a little… dazed for some reason."  
"You pissed me off today, Remus. Please just leave me alone now."  
"I can't! I mean… I wish I could do that, Sirius Black. But now you've just confused me even more and I need to…" Remus groaned.  
"Just say what's on your mind, Remmy…" Sirius' voice softened a little. "I can't help you until you speak."  
"I need my memories back. I need to understand…" Remus looked at the ground. "I need to figure this out."  
"You will… you will…" Sirius watched his beloved crumple and rubbed his back as Remus leaned against Sirius' chest. "We can figure this out…"  
OoOoOo  
Dumbledore's study was always interesting to look at. To Remus, it was like seeing it all over again. He only wished he remembered the phoenix and all the portraits… he couldn't stop fidgeting as he turned his head all around to fully take in the sensory overload that was Professor Dumbledore's office. He should have been paying more attention to the matter at hand; he was sitting in front of Dumbledore's desk alongside Sirius.  
"So you see sir, we want to use any pensieve the school has, and maybe help give Remus back some memories using that. It'll be like, a second-hand memory." Sirius tapped his forehead. "And they're all in here; I just need to show him."  
"Mr. Black, I'm not sure that would work out too nicely in Mr. Lupin's recovery. He's supposed to regain them himself." Dumbledore had his hands folded on his desk, looking ever-so-mysterious and majestic in his robes, his blue eyes studied the rebel long and hard.  
"Sir, I don't have the patience for that, and I think Remus here will have the same response." Sirius said. "If we just get the chance… it's not fair that he doesn't get to see how amazing he was. He should be able to see."  
"You really want to do this, Mr. Lupin?" Dumbledore turned to the clearly distracted Remus. Remus turned and blinked a little, trying to remember the part of the conversation where he checked out. He decided to just not think about it and answer.  
"Um, yes sir." He mumbled.

The old wizard sighed and stood, brandishing his wand and opening a cabinet with it. He walked over to the cabinet and Sirius saw it held a pensieve. Remus stared too, standing up and walking slowly to it.  
"So, I just put my memories in that thing, and then somehow, Remus can see them?" Sirius asked. He took out his wand and joined Remus. He had just learned in charms the spell to do this, and was half eager to just try it out.  
"That's exactly it, Mr. Black. Are you really sure about this, you two? It's better to let his memory heal naturally…"  
"Professor… let me do this." Remus said. He puffed air through his cheeks and looked into the pensieve, watching all the swirls in the smoke-like fluid that swam in it. Sirius put his wand to his head, closed his eyes, and pulled his wand back along with a silvery substance. He dropped it into the pensive and looked at Remus.  
"I think that's all of them I want you to see… ready?" he smiled and held out his hand. Remus smiled back, taking the hand with great hesitation.  
"I guess…" Remus stirred the memory in and suddenly felt him being sucked into it. His hand slipped away from Sirius' grip and he grabbed back on, squeezing. There was no way he was doing this without Sirius. They fell onto the floors of King's Cross station. This looked familiar….  
"King's Cross, first year." Sirius stood up and brushed his robes off. "We first met here, we were eleven. And I…" a short boy with shaggy hair ran his cart into a taller boy's with scars. "Well, I did that." Sirius laughed.  
"Oh my god, what is going on with my hair? Did I really look that stupid?" Remus gawked at his little-self. "Can they see us?"  
"Nope, they're figments of my memory, they aren't really here, but they really did happen. Crazy stuff, magic, huh?" Sirius put his hands in his pockets.  
Remus snorted. "Yeah, crazy. So we met in first year, and you nearly ran me over with your cart. That's… a cute start to the story."  
"It's not a story though, it happened."  
"I'm treating as a story until I can fully wrap my head around this… memory stuff." Remus looked up. "This place has a high ceiling." He watched the building disintegrate around him into what looked like the school grounds, in front of the greenhouses. He watched as a ** off second year, marched away from another second year boy, who looked just as peeved.  
"This was the start of a really weird fight that I never quite understood. I kept talking to you about some bird, and you got pretty jealous. Thinking back, it was kind of adorable. Twelve years old for the both of us."  
"I threw things at you, oh Merlin I'm so sorry!" Remus laughed. "Say… did a plant have to do with this…?"  
"…Yeah, how do you…"  
"I just feel like there was a plant in this story… I dunno." Remus said.  
The scene faded away and they were in a corridor. Remus witnessed his third year self pull Sirius forward and kiss him. He swore he felt the feeling of his lips, or was it just his imagination? His head started to have a dull ache. "First kiss?" he whispered. Sirius nodded. "What exactly… happened afterwards?"  
"You ran away, I talked to a painting, and then we met up again, only for a little bit of a date… and we snuck out during the closing feast. And we talked about our own little realization of feelings. And I started talking about that one stupid sentiment about-."  
"Eyes," Remus finished. "It was about eyes… and how they weren't windows to the soul, but doors, right?" Remus' brain was spinning. "They were locked doors and you need the right person to unlock them, because only a few people should see a soul."  
"That's… that's right, Remus. How much more can you remember? Speak up, Remmy!"  
"I… not much, but it's there, I can feel it. What's the next memory?" just as Remus said that, the corridor faded away into a forest. Remus watched as another Remus leaned against a tree, Sirius on the other side. Their mouths moved, but Remus couldn't hear them. He felt the real Sirius grabbing on tight to his hand, brushing his thumb against it lightly. Memory Remus turned to hug the tree, and Memory Sirius did the same. They were looking at each other, and as Remus watched the scene unfold, his heart thumped against his chest. He breathed out the words he simply knew were coming next.  
"I think I love you." Remus felt Sirius moved closer, his mouth to Remus' ear.  
"I think I love you too." Sirius whispered.  
"Good."  
"Good?"  
Remus turned his head and looked Sirius up and down. "Yeah." It was quite good indeed. Remus leaned forward, tilting his head, lips pouted. Sirius mirrored his actions…  
And then they were falling.  
They were quite literally falling.  
Remus screamed and grabbed onto and also-screaming Sirius. The dropped onto the floor of their dorm, another memory. Remus was shaking.  
"What the hell was that?" He got up. "fucking… fuck, the shit as that for!?"  
"The Pensieve has something against my love life." Sirius rubbed his head. He looked at his bed and saw him tangled in the sheets with Sirius. "OH GOD, LOOK AWAY, REMUS!" he shielded his eyes.  
"It's us, idiot. I mean… I think that's what my hair looks like from behind." Remus watched with an odd amount of interest. "So we've had sex?"  
"Only one time, but yeah, we've had sex." Sirius shifted and wrung his hands together. "Sorry I never told you…"  
"I'm not a virgin? Well that's… I mean, I did it with you, so I guess that's okay." He heard moaning from the bed and turned red. "How do you change the freaking memory?"  
"I hope Dumbledore isn't somehow watching this. Oh Merlin, I'm mortified enough."  
Slowly, the memory faded along with the others, and Remus struggled to remember exactly how that day went down. He remembered being angry before they went at it. Such strange circumstances for love making… He was in a corridor again, and the scene gave him shivers up and down his spine. Sirius let out a shaky breath. He wrapped his arm around Remus' waist, and action which made Remus alert of the lack of distance between them. He was starting to not mind at all, starting to remember bits and pieces of something pretty special. But why did this corridor feel so… somber?  
Remus looked down to see his own body crumpled on the floor. He saw James and Sirius running toward it, Sirius picking it up and yelling at it. He saw James running off to the hospital ward. He saw Sirius crying.  
Oh.  
Oh, so that's what happened after he lost his memory.  
Oh, so that's how Sirius reacted to it.  
Oh, so that's the reason why he was stuck with only bits and pieces. Remus understood a little, now. But it hurt to understand, and he started to really appreciate the phrase "ignorance is bliss."  
He shivered again and lean against Sirius. "Is that… it that all of them?" He asked.  
"Yeah, that's all of them." Sirius said. They felt themselves being pulled out of the pensieve and onto the floor of the headmaster's office. Professor Dumbledore sat at his desk, looking at them.  
"Found what you were looking for, boys?" he asked.  
Remus nodded. "I think so, thanks professor." Sirius got up and extracted the memory from the pensive, then the two left the office.

**A/N: AHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA THISISSOLATESHITFUCK. **

**Beta'd by the lovely qwerty124**

**Sorry for the lateness, I has STAR testing and end of the school year shit. Funnnnnnn... bleh. **


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